I view being from the city of New Orleans as a privilege and an honor. I cannot fathom being from any other place in the entire world. I have great affection for Charity Hospital, to which I was born on September 8, 1979. The name suggests exactly that. It was a place where people without any medical insurance could get care. Notice that I used the word "was" when referring to the hospital. Charity sits in Downtown New Orleans, and you can probably imagine that it suffered significant damage during Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Despite it being cleaned up to standard, the state of Louisiana (politicians) determined that it would not re-open. You can make your own assumptions as to the reasons why. I personally have my own, but that is not what we're here for.
Due to my father being in the Air Force, and myself ultimately enlisting in the Army, I have been all over the country, and the world for that matter. So I can honestly say this with all sincerity; there is no place with the uniqueness, mystique, atmosphere, history, and culture of New Orleans. No matter where I'm at in the world, when people find out where I'm from, they usually have a hundred and one questions for me. Some of them even say how much they enjoyed visiting New Orleans and that they've never had so much fun. Others say they never been but desperately want to go. One of the questions that I cannot escape is this question: Is the violence in New Orleans as bad as they say it is?
Whenever I get asked about the violence in New Orleans, I give it to them straight with no chaser. I think of Master P saying boastfully in one of his songs, "the murder capital of the world so fool watch yo back." To be honest, I really wish that I could cast New Orleans' violence as urban legend or myth. But anyone affiliated with New Orleans knows that would be lie of significant proportion on my behalf.
New Orleans is a place where people love to be from, but desperately want to leave. It also is a place where many don't know how to leave, and have never left, literally! I was one to always say that I would move away. I just couldn't imagine raising a family in an area ravaged with crime so badly that it seems to be the norm. I couldn't imagine raising a family in an area where the police departments (NOPD specifically) are corrupt, and involve themselves in more criminal activity then the criminals they are sworn to protect the city's citizens from. Most of you know about police departments in major cities like the NYPD and the LAPD. So if you're not familiar with the NOPD, let me tell you that its history of corruption, criminal activity, and violence amongst its officers is mind blowing and real! I also couldn't imagine raising a family where the education system ranks among the lowest in the country.
In New Orleans, there is a motto; "get it how you live." What that basically means is this; however you live or whatever you choose to do (lifestyle wise), that is how the fortunes or misfortunes of life come your way. For example: If you have a job making your money legally and don't involve yourself in any illegal activity, then most likely no hurt, harm, or danger should come your way. But if you indulge in criminal activity like selling drugs, carjacking, burglarizing homes and such, you will reap the consequences of that type of life--that usually being actions of violence brought to you, and/or jail. I find that motto to be half true when talking about life in New Orleans. How can you explain two year old babies getting killed by gunfire? How do you explain an eight year old being murdered by his mother's boyfriend because that eight year old was protecting his mother from being beaten by that savage, heartless, gutless person? How do you explain a family going to have dinner and being carjacked and robbed of their possessions? None of these scenarios are scenarios where the individual(s) were "getting it how they lived."
I only write this blog because of my extreme love for the city of New Orleans, and my desire for the people within it to change. Change their viewpoints and ways of thinking. The new year is here, and what I am about to state is a very sad but true fact. By the time the first week of the new year has concluded, the city of New Orleans will have more homicides then most places will have by late summer. I've been places when the sixth homicide was reported on the news about July or August. New Orleans can average about 4-6 homicides a day. I don't know what the record of homicides in a day is, but I remember in the early 2000's New Orleans having a day in which there were about 15 or 16 homicides in one day. I want you to sit on that for a second. I've been to a war zone (Iraq) and we experienced days where there were absolutely no bloodshed or loss of life. And just like the enemy likes to carry in Iraq, the AK-47, or the chopper as known in New Orleans, is used like a debit card is used at a store. I once read in JET Magazine how a middle school kid was arrested for bringing an AK-47 to school. I'm sure that it wasn't for show and tell either.
I know my plea may not reach many, but I plea for my people to stop the violence. Stop the activity that brings violence not only upon you, but your family. If you truly love your family, think about the possible consequences because of your decisions. In particular, my black males. If you're from New Orleans you have lost a family member or friend to violence. This too, sadly is a fact and I am no different. I have lost a family member and friends to gun violence. So I know about the pain and the never ending cycle that happens in New Orleans. Here is what I wanna ask my brothers: When you take a life, what do you ultimately accomplish? I remember when my cousin was murdered there were people that wanted revenge for his murder. I can remember feeling sick to my stomach because of that. Our family was already suffering because of the loss of our loved one. Why continue the cycle?
If there were a list of endangered cities, I'm sure that New Orleans would be atop that list. No other way to put it than genocide is taking place. I know that may seem too harsh of a word, but I don't believe it is in this case. And it is happening right on American soil. But I wonder how much America really cares about what happens in New Orleans. If you remember, New Orleanians were thought of and referred to as refugees after Hurricane Katrina. Added on top of the fact of the slow response to aid people after such a horrific natural disaster. So why would I believe that New Orleans is a priority to America.
I want all of my folks in New Orleans that are hopeless or don't believe that their conditions can possibly change to do something for me. I want you to go outside and look at the beautiful blue sky. That blue sky is the same blue sky that people are looking at in Beverly Hills, The Hamptons, an affluent suburb in Atlanta, in Italy, in Dubai, and all over God's green earth. I say look at that sky because that sky represents endless possibilities for you and your families. You're not in a box! The sky represents that as well. Break generational curses that plague families generation after generation. IT IS POSSIBLE! Put down your drugs and guns. Pick up books and learn about your rich heritage that built a wonderful jewel in the Crescent City aka New Orleans. Preserve and honor that heritage by being law abiding and productive citizens. But the change has to come within you first. As you can see, sometimes we is all we got. If Frederick Douglass (a former slave) can make it out of his circumstance and impact the world in a positive way, what makes you think that you can't? Anything is possible! You have the power and ability to achieve it, NO MATTER what it is! I pray that I see brighter days for you New Orleans. Do you?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Do Men Know What They Want?
If you're a fan, or a daily listener of Michael Baisden, then this subject matter sounds very familiar to you. I'm taking a page from his series titled: Do Women Know What They Want? I'm just flipping it to give the opposite sex insight on what it is that us men want, need, and if we do know what it is that we want.
As I watched the show, I noticed that when the question was posed to men and women alike, everyone agreed that women do know what they want. Not one person said that women do not know what they want. I'm sure--no, scratch that--I know that if that same question was about men, the majority of the people polled would've said that men don't know what they want. In particular, women would've answered no more than men. Why is that? Do men really not know what they want? If you ask me--more men know what they want then some of you give credit for. Actually, I err on the side that men know what they want more than women. Now, this is strictly about what men want in a woman, or, from a woman.
I, and men that I know, know exactly what we want from women. I'm not talking about young men barely over the age of 21 that's still trying to figure out their major in college. In my opinion, by the time a man hits the age of 28, he should pretty much know exactly what it is that he wants and needs from a woman. Not to say that some don't figure it out before then. What women need to realize is that even though we're masculine and dominant figures, we're really not that complex.
Listen up ladies, because I'm about to tell you what it is exactly that we want from our women. Are you ready? Okay, grab a chair. We want a woman who is intelligent, has goals, willing to contribute. We're not looking for a woman to make us rich. We're not looking for a woman who will add material things to our life. But most of all--we want a woman to love us unconditionally. Through thick and through thin--when times get rough and we is all we got. Here's another little secret ladies; as much as we try not to let on, we (men) are emotional creatures and we need to feel validated at times just like you. Listen to the song "Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke. He is basically telling his woman how he wants her to show him how he makes her feel. He wants to know how attracted she is to him. Men want to know that his woman is still as attracted to him like she was when they first started dating. Sound familiar?
Everyone wants to feel appreciated for what they do or bring to the table. Men are no different. Just like women, men want an honest, loyal, and dedicated woman in his corner. And regardless of what some may think, real men who are secure in themselves, are not intimidated by an independent woman. Matter of fact, we encourage that! No man (I know) wants a woman that can't stand on her own two feet when need be. Some women have this idea that if you make your own money and have your own place then you're independent. That's true in part. Let me not get stuck on the independent woman. Almost forgot that I have already written a blog about her. Back to the matter at hand...
Are there men out there who do not know what they want? Of course! There are women out there who do not have a clue as well. This overwhelming notion that women know what they want more than men is ridiculous to me. I'm not trying to come off as if I think that women don't know what they want, because I do think that they know--just not all of them. Can anybody tell me what it is that Kim Kardashian wants? How about Jennifer Lopez? And what in the hell does Chilli from TLC want? That leads me to my next point...A man will take a woman regardless of what she doesn't have, or, despite her situation. A woman needs to know these things before she decides to go any further with a man: Where does he work? How much does he make? What is his future earning potential? Does he he have benefits? Does he have kids? What kind of car does he drive? How big his penis is? What is his credit score? Not that none of these questions aren't relevant questions--my point is that a man will take a woman with not much to offer because he simply loves that woman before a woman would take a man with not much to offer. No matter how much you (ladies) try to debate me on this, it won't work. This is not to say that this is true for all women. A few ladies that I follow on twitter have no jobs and don't go to school. Yet, they tweet all day about what's on t.v. and what's going on in the entertainment world. All of these women are in relationships. Not that that proves my point totally--I'm just saying.
I want a woman that has a personality that makes me smile when I'm not even around her. I want a woman who knows how to give better than receive. I want a woman who is not afraid to love me hard without hesitation. I want a woman who is going to tell me what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I want a woman who loves God with all of her soul. I want a woman who is going to believe in me and when she walks with me, you can tell that she is proud of her man. I want a woman who is going to peek my every interest. I want a woman I can just lay with, and there is no sound but the raindrops on the window and our voices--talking about random things. I want a woman who wants me because she sees my heart before she sees me physically. I want...my best friend.
As I watched the show, I noticed that when the question was posed to men and women alike, everyone agreed that women do know what they want. Not one person said that women do not know what they want. I'm sure--no, scratch that--I know that if that same question was about men, the majority of the people polled would've said that men don't know what they want. In particular, women would've answered no more than men. Why is that? Do men really not know what they want? If you ask me--more men know what they want then some of you give credit for. Actually, I err on the side that men know what they want more than women. Now, this is strictly about what men want in a woman, or, from a woman.
I, and men that I know, know exactly what we want from women. I'm not talking about young men barely over the age of 21 that's still trying to figure out their major in college. In my opinion, by the time a man hits the age of 28, he should pretty much know exactly what it is that he wants and needs from a woman. Not to say that some don't figure it out before then. What women need to realize is that even though we're masculine and dominant figures, we're really not that complex.
Listen up ladies, because I'm about to tell you what it is exactly that we want from our women. Are you ready? Okay, grab a chair. We want a woman who is intelligent, has goals, willing to contribute. We're not looking for a woman to make us rich. We're not looking for a woman who will add material things to our life. But most of all--we want a woman to love us unconditionally. Through thick and through thin--when times get rough and we is all we got. Here's another little secret ladies; as much as we try not to let on, we (men) are emotional creatures and we need to feel validated at times just like you. Listen to the song "Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke. He is basically telling his woman how he wants her to show him how he makes her feel. He wants to know how attracted she is to him. Men want to know that his woman is still as attracted to him like she was when they first started dating. Sound familiar?
Everyone wants to feel appreciated for what they do or bring to the table. Men are no different. Just like women, men want an honest, loyal, and dedicated woman in his corner. And regardless of what some may think, real men who are secure in themselves, are not intimidated by an independent woman. Matter of fact, we encourage that! No man (I know) wants a woman that can't stand on her own two feet when need be. Some women have this idea that if you make your own money and have your own place then you're independent. That's true in part. Let me not get stuck on the independent woman. Almost forgot that I have already written a blog about her. Back to the matter at hand...
Are there men out there who do not know what they want? Of course! There are women out there who do not have a clue as well. This overwhelming notion that women know what they want more than men is ridiculous to me. I'm not trying to come off as if I think that women don't know what they want, because I do think that they know--just not all of them. Can anybody tell me what it is that Kim Kardashian wants? How about Jennifer Lopez? And what in the hell does Chilli from TLC want? That leads me to my next point...A man will take a woman regardless of what she doesn't have, or, despite her situation. A woman needs to know these things before she decides to go any further with a man: Where does he work? How much does he make? What is his future earning potential? Does he he have benefits? Does he have kids? What kind of car does he drive? How big his penis is? What is his credit score? Not that none of these questions aren't relevant questions--my point is that a man will take a woman with not much to offer because he simply loves that woman before a woman would take a man with not much to offer. No matter how much you (ladies) try to debate me on this, it won't work. This is not to say that this is true for all women. A few ladies that I follow on twitter have no jobs and don't go to school. Yet, they tweet all day about what's on t.v. and what's going on in the entertainment world. All of these women are in relationships. Not that that proves my point totally--I'm just saying.
I want a woman that has a personality that makes me smile when I'm not even around her. I want a woman who knows how to give better than receive. I want a woman who is not afraid to love me hard without hesitation. I want a woman who is going to tell me what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I want a woman who loves God with all of her soul. I want a woman who is going to believe in me and when she walks with me, you can tell that she is proud of her man. I want a woman who is going to peek my every interest. I want a woman I can just lay with, and there is no sound but the raindrops on the window and our voices--talking about random things. I want a woman who wants me because she sees my heart before she sees me physically. I want...my best friend.
Friday, October 21, 2011
My Open Heart To You
I know that those of you who keep up with my blog have been looking for other blogs that I said I would be posting. Truth is, while writing some blogs, I get led to write about another topic that's on my heart. This time is no different. I kinda wanted to open up to you on this blog to give you a more personal look at the man Craig Wilson II. I have several blogs that are unfinished or just not posted because I was led to go in another direction. Maybe one day someone will collect my writings and post them all when I'm gone from this earth. But anyway...
Since I have started to share my personal thoughts and views with you through my blog, I have been rewarded greatly. No, not monetarily or anything. The feedback and support from people have been a blessing to me. It has strengthened and given me confidence in myself and my abilities. Something that I have lacked at times in my life (confidence). I grew up a shy kid, so confidence wasn't always my biggest attribute. Breaking out of this shell has been a slow process.
I'm a man of many interests and passions. Some of them include: cooking, writing, reading, sports, music, and my family. The state of black men and boys is a deep passion of mine as well. Or, the critical state of the black man, for that matter. Many may not realize it, but, we (black men) are quickly approaching the endangered species list as if we were cheetahs in the wilds of Africa. But let me go on because I can make this blog about that subject.
I've been blessed with the most wonderful, loving, and caring family that any individual would be proud to call family. I love and care for them very deeply. I could NEVER repay them for all that they have done for me. And I mean the entire Smith and Wilson Family. I wake up everyday and thank God for them because I have come to the realization that everyone hasn't been blessed with the kind of family that I have been blessed with. If I ever get in the position, I will do everything in my power to take care of my family. Lord knows that they all deserve it. This includes people who are not my blood relatives, but are my family still the same--they know exactly who they are.
Just like the rest of you, I am flawed but beautifully made. I know exactly where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I embrace them and try to improve on them daily. Many of us try to dismiss our weaknesses and focus on our strong points. The best way to strive for perfection is to master your imperfections. Not to say that the end product of you will be perfection--because I'm sure that I do not have to say that no one will ever be perfect except for our Father in Heaven. Here are some strengths and weaknesses of mine: I am passionate about loving and very loyal (almost to a fault). If I've ever told you that I love you once, I mean it for life. Regardless what may happen between us--I will love you still the same. I have the ability to be optimistic in any situation. Regardless of what you may think the outcome will be, I have strong faith that the Lord will ultimately take care of me and my needs. I'm very smart and respectful and I can basically blend in anywhere. On the flip side, I am a habitual procrastinator. That is the one thing that I cannot stand about myself and I work to change everyday. The other thing is that I am absolutely afraid of failing and disappointment. I'm more afraid of failing and disappointing my loved ones more than myself. To me there's nothing that hurts my soul more than to look into the eyes of a disappointed loved one, knowing that you caused it.
Since I am on the subject of failing and disappointment--I have never felt more disappointment and more like a failure then when I was going through my divorce. I felt like I failed myself, my children, my now ex-wife, my mother and father, my brother who looks up to me, and anybody who knew me and my ex-wife. I still feel that hurt to a certain degree because of the continued pain that my children have experienced due to the separation. I pray everyday for that feeling of failure to disappear from my heart. It's been a long process for me, but God heals a part of me everyday. In the past, failures and feeling like a failure has caused me to endure a depressed state of mind. So I ask that you guys pray for me as I rebuild myself and my life to a place that is comfortable to me and my family.
I am a softy at heart and there are a few things that will absolutely get to me. Those things are: 1) seeing or hearing my kids cry 2) seeing or hearing any woman that I love or is close to me cry 3) the abuse or murder of children 4) homeless/hungry people. It absolutely hurts my heart when I see someone who is in need of a meal, or a roof over their head, when I have both. I just feel like with the wealth that people have all over the world, there should be no souls hungry or looking for shelter from the cold and elements.
I really enjoyed taking a brief moment just to give you a quick look at me. I pray that all of you who read and support me are blessed beyond your thoughts and imagination. Standing rooted in faith will take you places that you never thought was possible. Believe me, I am a testimony to that in many retrospects. Keep your dreams and visions near to your heart where you will feed them with your hard work, dedication, and faith. It's okay if no one sees your dream like you do. God placed it in your heart for a reason. Nurture it and never let it go. God bless and I love you all!
Since I have started to share my personal thoughts and views with you through my blog, I have been rewarded greatly. No, not monetarily or anything. The feedback and support from people have been a blessing to me. It has strengthened and given me confidence in myself and my abilities. Something that I have lacked at times in my life (confidence). I grew up a shy kid, so confidence wasn't always my biggest attribute. Breaking out of this shell has been a slow process.
I'm a man of many interests and passions. Some of them include: cooking, writing, reading, sports, music, and my family. The state of black men and boys is a deep passion of mine as well. Or, the critical state of the black man, for that matter. Many may not realize it, but, we (black men) are quickly approaching the endangered species list as if we were cheetahs in the wilds of Africa. But let me go on because I can make this blog about that subject.
I've been blessed with the most wonderful, loving, and caring family that any individual would be proud to call family. I love and care for them very deeply. I could NEVER repay them for all that they have done for me. And I mean the entire Smith and Wilson Family. I wake up everyday and thank God for them because I have come to the realization that everyone hasn't been blessed with the kind of family that I have been blessed with. If I ever get in the position, I will do everything in my power to take care of my family. Lord knows that they all deserve it. This includes people who are not my blood relatives, but are my family still the same--they know exactly who they are.
Just like the rest of you, I am flawed but beautifully made. I know exactly where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I embrace them and try to improve on them daily. Many of us try to dismiss our weaknesses and focus on our strong points. The best way to strive for perfection is to master your imperfections. Not to say that the end product of you will be perfection--because I'm sure that I do not have to say that no one will ever be perfect except for our Father in Heaven. Here are some strengths and weaknesses of mine: I am passionate about loving and very loyal (almost to a fault). If I've ever told you that I love you once, I mean it for life. Regardless what may happen between us--I will love you still the same. I have the ability to be optimistic in any situation. Regardless of what you may think the outcome will be, I have strong faith that the Lord will ultimately take care of me and my needs. I'm very smart and respectful and I can basically blend in anywhere. On the flip side, I am a habitual procrastinator. That is the one thing that I cannot stand about myself and I work to change everyday. The other thing is that I am absolutely afraid of failing and disappointment. I'm more afraid of failing and disappointing my loved ones more than myself. To me there's nothing that hurts my soul more than to look into the eyes of a disappointed loved one, knowing that you caused it.
Since I am on the subject of failing and disappointment--I have never felt more disappointment and more like a failure then when I was going through my divorce. I felt like I failed myself, my children, my now ex-wife, my mother and father, my brother who looks up to me, and anybody who knew me and my ex-wife. I still feel that hurt to a certain degree because of the continued pain that my children have experienced due to the separation. I pray everyday for that feeling of failure to disappear from my heart. It's been a long process for me, but God heals a part of me everyday. In the past, failures and feeling like a failure has caused me to endure a depressed state of mind. So I ask that you guys pray for me as I rebuild myself and my life to a place that is comfortable to me and my family.
I am a softy at heart and there are a few things that will absolutely get to me. Those things are: 1) seeing or hearing my kids cry 2) seeing or hearing any woman that I love or is close to me cry 3) the abuse or murder of children 4) homeless/hungry people. It absolutely hurts my heart when I see someone who is in need of a meal, or a roof over their head, when I have both. I just feel like with the wealth that people have all over the world, there should be no souls hungry or looking for shelter from the cold and elements.
I really enjoyed taking a brief moment just to give you a quick look at me. I pray that all of you who read and support me are blessed beyond your thoughts and imagination. Standing rooted in faith will take you places that you never thought was possible. Believe me, I am a testimony to that in many retrospects. Keep your dreams and visions near to your heart where you will feed them with your hard work, dedication, and faith. It's okay if no one sees your dream like you do. God placed it in your heart for a reason. Nurture it and never let it go. God bless and I love you all!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Her Name Is Justice: She's Not Blind
On September 21, 2011 at 11:08 p.m., Brother Troy Davis was executed for the 1989 murder of police officer Mark MacPhail. Before I go on, I must pay my respects to Officer MacPhail and his family. That man did not deserve to die as he was doing his duty breaking up a fight. His family did not deserve to lose their loved one to a senseless act of violence. I pray that your soul is resting beautifully with our Lord and Savior, Officer MacPhail.
With all due respect to Officer MacPhail and his family, this piece is about bringing the true offender of this crime to justice. I'm not sure that was done when Troy Davis was executed on 9/21/2011. Quite frankly, I don't think that the State of Georgia can say that they laid the true offender to rest themselves. In my opinion, the doubt that loomed over this case was large enough to not only not execute this man, but grant him a new trial. Instead, the State of Georgia unjustly (in my opinion) executed a man that was in all probability innocent. The more that I have learned about this case, the stronger I can say this with conviction.
The other reason I am writing this is because of the socially immature people that need to wake up. Since I have joined the social networking world, I've come to the realization that people: 1) don't know what's going on 2) don't wanna know what's going on 3) don't care what's going on. I realize that I dwell amongst a generation of people who are filled with a toxic combination of complacency and entitlement. The work that our ancestors started many years ago is still not finished. The torch has been passed to us to carry on with the fight. Problem is, many think that we've already won. If we continue on this path, the weed of complacency will strangle the life out of us.
As I read tweets on Twitter the day Troy Davis was to be executed, I became very angry at the ignorant mentality of a lot of folk. Many didn't care because in their words; they didn't know him, and it didn't concern them. If you remotely think that the blatant miscarriage of justice doesn't concern you, then you're sadly mistaken. Many people spoke, or, tweeted without any real knowledge of the situation at hand. You must understand that this could've been any one of us. The next time it can be me, you, my brother, cousin, or even any one of my sons. This is why it is imperative that we carry on the fight against an oppressed system.
As a black man, I've been profiled many times. I'm not flashy, don't wear my pants below my behind, don't wear bling, don't blast my music, don't have one tattoo or piercing. I'm an ordinary citizen just like many of you who actually has served this country called the United States of America. But I know that as long as my skin color stays this color, I will have to deal with certain things. Some will say; "why do you have to make it about color?" If you know me, then you know that I deal with facts. It is a fact that since Africans were brought to the New World (America) in the 1600's in the transatlantic slave trade, it has always been about color. As black men, we've dealt with this and swallowed the pill that you've (America) force fed us. Now it's time for America to swallow this man made elixir. Now let me get something else straight. Brothers: "The Man" cannot hold you down if you never fill out any job applications, or, apply to any schools. Some brothers use that; "the man is holding a black man down" excuse but are not actively pursuing a better life. And that is exactly what it turns out to be--an excuse.
If some of you don't think that color has played a part, ask the families of Emmett Till, Medgar Evers, James Byrd Jr., and Troy Davis. You can even ask the families of our white brothers Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner who were murdered with fellow civil rights worker and black man James Chaney in Mississppi in 1964. If you've seen the movie Mississippi Burning then you know what I am referring to.
People ask if I would feel the same if it were a white man. Of course I would! Injustice is injustice, no matter the race of the person. Problem is, who has historically been on the side of injustice? Ask the family of Sean Bell. A black man who was killed by NYPD as he and his friends left his bachelor party. Sean Bell and his friends were fired upon a total of 50 times when none of them had a weapon. Ask the families of the victims of the shootings on the Danziger Bridge in my hometown of New Orleans, LA after Hurricane Katrina. Six people were shot (all African-Americans), two were killed, in which one of them was Ronald Madison. Madison was a 40 year old mentally disabled man who was shot in the back while he was seeking safety. Ask the family of Oscar Grant. Grant was killed by a BART police officer in Oakland, CA. Grant was forced down by police, kneed in the neck, then shot by one of the officers. Grant was merely an unarmed citizen breaking up a fight. Instead, he ended up dying at the hands of a police officer. I know that these examples are of black men. But, it doesn't stop there. The poor and disenfranchised are subject to injustice as well--no matter what race or ethnicity you may be.
I must say that I still feel that our judicial system is the best around. But it is still flawed and imperfect. Is anything or anyone perfect? No! That doesn't mean that we should just accept a flawed system that jails and executes innocent citizens. Everyday that you get up, you strive to be better than the day before. That should be true of our judicial system as well. Who wants to get locked up for crimes that they didn't commit? Not me! Who wants to be executed for a crime they didn't commit? Definitely not me!
In Troy Davis' case, I believe that this man was innocent. The witnesses that have come forth changing or recanting their statements suggest so as well. I know that they're countless inmates in prison with claims of being innocent of the crimes that they have been charged with. I'm well aware that some or most of the them are full of it. But lets not be naive to the fact that there are not people sitting in jail/prison who are actually innocent. Of course there are! That isn't justice when an innocent individual is sitting in a cell for a crime that they didn't commit. Actually, that's a tragedy. Some have tweeted me on twitter for my beliefs in Troy Davis. Fact is, many people have been exonerated after sitting in prison for years after it came to light that the individual was actually innocent. So I, and all of the Troy Davis supporters out there are not crazy for supporting and believing in this mans innocence.
Please do not make the mistake of not educating yourself and your family on social issues. These issues do concern you and everyone around you. If you've ever been to any courthouse across America you would probably see Lady Justice with the scales even in her right hand and a blindfold over her eyes. This is to signify that justice is blind and it dishes out justice regardless of race, gender, or class. Be careful, because I think she's peeking over her blindfold.
~R.I.P. Troy Davis October 9, 1968-September 21, 2011 murdered by the State of Georgia by lethal injection.
With all due respect to Officer MacPhail and his family, this piece is about bringing the true offender of this crime to justice. I'm not sure that was done when Troy Davis was executed on 9/21/2011. Quite frankly, I don't think that the State of Georgia can say that they laid the true offender to rest themselves. In my opinion, the doubt that loomed over this case was large enough to not only not execute this man, but grant him a new trial. Instead, the State of Georgia unjustly (in my opinion) executed a man that was in all probability innocent. The more that I have learned about this case, the stronger I can say this with conviction.
The other reason I am writing this is because of the socially immature people that need to wake up. Since I have joined the social networking world, I've come to the realization that people: 1) don't know what's going on 2) don't wanna know what's going on 3) don't care what's going on. I realize that I dwell amongst a generation of people who are filled with a toxic combination of complacency and entitlement. The work that our ancestors started many years ago is still not finished. The torch has been passed to us to carry on with the fight. Problem is, many think that we've already won. If we continue on this path, the weed of complacency will strangle the life out of us.
As I read tweets on Twitter the day Troy Davis was to be executed, I became very angry at the ignorant mentality of a lot of folk. Many didn't care because in their words; they didn't know him, and it didn't concern them. If you remotely think that the blatant miscarriage of justice doesn't concern you, then you're sadly mistaken. Many people spoke, or, tweeted without any real knowledge of the situation at hand. You must understand that this could've been any one of us. The next time it can be me, you, my brother, cousin, or even any one of my sons. This is why it is imperative that we carry on the fight against an oppressed system.
As a black man, I've been profiled many times. I'm not flashy, don't wear my pants below my behind, don't wear bling, don't blast my music, don't have one tattoo or piercing. I'm an ordinary citizen just like many of you who actually has served this country called the United States of America. But I know that as long as my skin color stays this color, I will have to deal with certain things. Some will say; "why do you have to make it about color?" If you know me, then you know that I deal with facts. It is a fact that since Africans were brought to the New World (America) in the 1600's in the transatlantic slave trade, it has always been about color. As black men, we've dealt with this and swallowed the pill that you've (America) force fed us. Now it's time for America to swallow this man made elixir. Now let me get something else straight. Brothers: "The Man" cannot hold you down if you never fill out any job applications, or, apply to any schools. Some brothers use that; "the man is holding a black man down" excuse but are not actively pursuing a better life. And that is exactly what it turns out to be--an excuse.
If some of you don't think that color has played a part, ask the families of Emmett Till, Medgar Evers, James Byrd Jr., and Troy Davis. You can even ask the families of our white brothers Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner who were murdered with fellow civil rights worker and black man James Chaney in Mississppi in 1964. If you've seen the movie Mississippi Burning then you know what I am referring to.
People ask if I would feel the same if it were a white man. Of course I would! Injustice is injustice, no matter the race of the person. Problem is, who has historically been on the side of injustice? Ask the family of Sean Bell. A black man who was killed by NYPD as he and his friends left his bachelor party. Sean Bell and his friends were fired upon a total of 50 times when none of them had a weapon. Ask the families of the victims of the shootings on the Danziger Bridge in my hometown of New Orleans, LA after Hurricane Katrina. Six people were shot (all African-Americans), two were killed, in which one of them was Ronald Madison. Madison was a 40 year old mentally disabled man who was shot in the back while he was seeking safety. Ask the family of Oscar Grant. Grant was killed by a BART police officer in Oakland, CA. Grant was forced down by police, kneed in the neck, then shot by one of the officers. Grant was merely an unarmed citizen breaking up a fight. Instead, he ended up dying at the hands of a police officer. I know that these examples are of black men. But, it doesn't stop there. The poor and disenfranchised are subject to injustice as well--no matter what race or ethnicity you may be.
I must say that I still feel that our judicial system is the best around. But it is still flawed and imperfect. Is anything or anyone perfect? No! That doesn't mean that we should just accept a flawed system that jails and executes innocent citizens. Everyday that you get up, you strive to be better than the day before. That should be true of our judicial system as well. Who wants to get locked up for crimes that they didn't commit? Not me! Who wants to be executed for a crime they didn't commit? Definitely not me!
In Troy Davis' case, I believe that this man was innocent. The witnesses that have come forth changing or recanting their statements suggest so as well. I know that they're countless inmates in prison with claims of being innocent of the crimes that they have been charged with. I'm well aware that some or most of the them are full of it. But lets not be naive to the fact that there are not people sitting in jail/prison who are actually innocent. Of course there are! That isn't justice when an innocent individual is sitting in a cell for a crime that they didn't commit. Actually, that's a tragedy. Some have tweeted me on twitter for my beliefs in Troy Davis. Fact is, many people have been exonerated after sitting in prison for years after it came to light that the individual was actually innocent. So I, and all of the Troy Davis supporters out there are not crazy for supporting and believing in this mans innocence.
Please do not make the mistake of not educating yourself and your family on social issues. These issues do concern you and everyone around you. If you've ever been to any courthouse across America you would probably see Lady Justice with the scales even in her right hand and a blindfold over her eyes. This is to signify that justice is blind and it dishes out justice regardless of race, gender, or class. Be careful, because I think she's peeking over her blindfold.
~R.I.P. Troy Davis October 9, 1968-September 21, 2011 murdered by the State of Georgia by lethal injection.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The Mirror That America Refuses To Look At
November 4, 2008 is a date that will forever be etched in my memory. It's the day that my father never thought he would've seen. It was the day that my father said that I would probably never see. And to be honest, as I matured in years, I started to believe that my father was right. But on that day, America elected Barack Hussein Obama as its 44th President, making him the first African-American to be elected President. Tears just streamed down my face as the montage and music played, showing various pictures of President-Elect Obama. That was by far my most proudest moment as a black man. Through my eyes, years of struggle, pain, oppression, feeling inadequate, and the sacrifice of so many of my ancestors became vindicated. It sent a message to little black boys (and girls) that we can be anything that we wanted to be.
But of course, when you become the first African-American President of the United States of America, you're going to encounter skepticism that probably no other man holding that position has had to endure. Even as Senator Obama promoted change to the face of this nation while campaigning, not everybody was ready for the change that was inevitable. In the documentary By The People: The Election of Barack Obama; there are parts where people (not African-Americans) were holding stuffed monkeys saying that they didn't want anybody who looked like that (referring to the monkey) running their country. I've heard many racial derogatory terms, but, when an African-American is referred to as a monkey or an ape, it does something to me. Reason being, is because it is meant to directly refer to us as less than, or, not human. I actually two-pieced (two punches to the face) a Spanish kid in Spain for calling me a monkey. I still remember the rage and the disrespect that I felt at that moment.
Throughout time, African-Americans have been viewed as inadequate by many in regards to performing certain jobs. We were, and still are to a degree, thought of as inferior intellectually. Even in sports, blacks have historically been deemed not fit to perform as quarterbacks, coaches, and in upper management positions. Not because they were evaluated and people came to these conclusions. But, just because of their skin color. We've come a long way, but still have so much farther to advance.
When Senator Obama burst onto the scene, it was clear that this guy was for real, and was a viable candidate for the presidency. He could articulate himself with the best and not sound like he was forcing himself to be who he was not. But many passed his expanded vocabulary and extraordinary use of diction as him using "fancy words." Being a black man myself, I find each day that we live a damn if you do, damn if you don't type of lifestyle. Yet, I pray that black men continue to strive for degrees from universities, rather than striving for prison sentences.
I understand that not all people are going to support President Obama, or even agree with some of his policies. I get that! But to dislike the man just because he is African-American is another thing. Let me say this--I learned a long time ago that if you have a fraction of African-American blood in you, then that's just what you are--African-American. That's just the way the world and society views you, at least. That's why I'll never refer to President Obama as half black or mixed. If it weren't true, then people wouldn't parallel President Obama to a monkey, being that he's half white. And if you haven't noticed, I make it a point to call him by his title--President Obama. I've never seen a president referred to (in the media) by just his last name as much as President Obama has been. Even the inept (in my opinion) President George W. Bush received more respect in that regard.
Speaking of respect. What president has been blatantly disrespected such as our current president? I'll answer that for you--NO ONE! What president do you know that has been called a liar as he addressed Congress and the Nation by his own people? What president do you know that has been called a tar baby? I don't care how anyone tries to dress it up or explain it. The phrase tar baby is a racial reference--PERIOD! I commend President Obama how he has handled these things because Lord knows that I would be beside myself.
I do not think that President Obama is a perfect man by far. But, the time has come for America to look itself in the mirror to fix its blemishes. I know that the mirror can be revealing. But how can you know what needs to be fixed until you look that mirror face on? America is indeed the greatest place in the world to call home. Still America still has great faults, and a history that cannot be ignored. The time for atonement is now! As an American, one thing that saddens me is that not all Americans look upon each other with love. I know that I may never see it, but, my prayer is for color to be abstract from one's view totally. We are a nation of many cultures, ethnicity's, and races. That's what makes America a wonderful and such a unique place to call home. Why can't we live and love each other totally?
"God has a way of standing before the nations with judgement, and it seems that I can hear God saying to America; you're too arrogant, if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power and I'll place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name. Be still and know, that I'm God.' ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
But of course, when you become the first African-American President of the United States of America, you're going to encounter skepticism that probably no other man holding that position has had to endure. Even as Senator Obama promoted change to the face of this nation while campaigning, not everybody was ready for the change that was inevitable. In the documentary By The People: The Election of Barack Obama; there are parts where people (not African-Americans) were holding stuffed monkeys saying that they didn't want anybody who looked like that (referring to the monkey) running their country. I've heard many racial derogatory terms, but, when an African-American is referred to as a monkey or an ape, it does something to me. Reason being, is because it is meant to directly refer to us as less than, or, not human. I actually two-pieced (two punches to the face) a Spanish kid in Spain for calling me a monkey. I still remember the rage and the disrespect that I felt at that moment.
Throughout time, African-Americans have been viewed as inadequate by many in regards to performing certain jobs. We were, and still are to a degree, thought of as inferior intellectually. Even in sports, blacks have historically been deemed not fit to perform as quarterbacks, coaches, and in upper management positions. Not because they were evaluated and people came to these conclusions. But, just because of their skin color. We've come a long way, but still have so much farther to advance.
When Senator Obama burst onto the scene, it was clear that this guy was for real, and was a viable candidate for the presidency. He could articulate himself with the best and not sound like he was forcing himself to be who he was not. But many passed his expanded vocabulary and extraordinary use of diction as him using "fancy words." Being a black man myself, I find each day that we live a damn if you do, damn if you don't type of lifestyle. Yet, I pray that black men continue to strive for degrees from universities, rather than striving for prison sentences.
I understand that not all people are going to support President Obama, or even agree with some of his policies. I get that! But to dislike the man just because he is African-American is another thing. Let me say this--I learned a long time ago that if you have a fraction of African-American blood in you, then that's just what you are--African-American. That's just the way the world and society views you, at least. That's why I'll never refer to President Obama as half black or mixed. If it weren't true, then people wouldn't parallel President Obama to a monkey, being that he's half white. And if you haven't noticed, I make it a point to call him by his title--President Obama. I've never seen a president referred to (in the media) by just his last name as much as President Obama has been. Even the inept (in my opinion) President George W. Bush received more respect in that regard.
Speaking of respect. What president has been blatantly disrespected such as our current president? I'll answer that for you--NO ONE! What president do you know that has been called a liar as he addressed Congress and the Nation by his own people? What president do you know that has been called a tar baby? I don't care how anyone tries to dress it up or explain it. The phrase tar baby is a racial reference--PERIOD! I commend President Obama how he has handled these things because Lord knows that I would be beside myself.
I do not think that President Obama is a perfect man by far. But, the time has come for America to look itself in the mirror to fix its blemishes. I know that the mirror can be revealing. But how can you know what needs to be fixed until you look that mirror face on? America is indeed the greatest place in the world to call home. Still America still has great faults, and a history that cannot be ignored. The time for atonement is now! As an American, one thing that saddens me is that not all Americans look upon each other with love. I know that I may never see it, but, my prayer is for color to be abstract from one's view totally. We are a nation of many cultures, ethnicity's, and races. That's what makes America a wonderful and such a unique place to call home. Why can't we live and love each other totally?
"God has a way of standing before the nations with judgement, and it seems that I can hear God saying to America; you're too arrogant, if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power and I'll place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name. Be still and know, that I'm God.' ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Monday, August 1, 2011
I Thought We Were Going Our Separate Ways?
This is a topic I'm not particularly fond of. I say that, because, the court system is not set up for men regarding the dissolution of divorces. Before anyone thinks that this is coming from a bitter divorced man, think again. The opinions I'm about to express have been shaped long before I got married, then divorced. This blog comes at the heels of Boxer Shane Mosely's divorce settlement being made public. In case you haven't heard, Shane Mosely must give his ex-wife his three title belts, in which she is to turn them over to their three children upon them turning 18. Not only that, he owes her half of what he made from his boxing DVD's, half of his American Express points which is valued at 854,410 points. Oh, it doesn't stop there! He also owes her $20,000 a month in spousal support (not child support). Here are the things factored in that he must provide "support" for: her clothes, message therapist, jewelry, cosmetics, and personal trainer. This all for a woman who was Shane Mosely's manager in addition to being his wife. I mention her being a manager because that means she has the ability to work and provide for herself.
Some women who do not want to keep it real, or, just want to be combative or naive will argue when I say that divorce court is set up for women. Just google some divorce settlements and you'll see. Some women are probably already having fits thinking of all the things a woman should be entitled to upon a divorce. What happened to when we go our separate ways, we separate physically and financially? I am not talking about child support. This is strictly about spousal support and such. So please don't twist my words into something that I am not saying. After the assets of a divorcing couple is divided up equally, the only other thing I feel a woman should walk away with is her maiden name, if she chooses to. Once again, let me stress that I am not talking about child support. Some people (women mainly), feel that when a man has to pay up in a divorce settlement, it's because he did something to have to pay up. Not true! A divorce can simply be dissolved for irreconsolible differences and a man can be "taken to the cleaners." For those who may not know, irreconsolible differences means that no one is at fault for the marriage coming to an end. Such was the case in Shane Mosely's divorce case. Of course this reaches another level when you're talking about high profile divorces, or, divorce cases of wealthy couples.
A close friend of mine posted the story about Shane Mosely in a group on Facebook, and of course a spirited debate ensued between the men and women. One of my main points was why is she entitled to his title belts that he trained for, fought for, and ultimately won? She did not do any of the following: throw a punch at an opponent, run 1 mile while training for a fight, get hit by an opposing fighter during a fight, stick to a strict diet in order to stay in top shape that it takes to be a professional boxer. Who is she, or the courts to say that she gets his title belts that he worked so hard to attain? Some women were misconstruing my stance that she shouldn't get the belts for that I felt like the kids didn't deserve anything. That couldn't be any further from the truth. First of all, what does the title belts have to do with him taking care of the children? I'll answer that for you--absolutlely nothing! Secondly, Shane Mosely worked to get those belts for the betterment of HIS career. This may sound harsh--but if his children want title belts of their own, then they need to do what it takes in order to obtain such belts. If Shane Mosely wants to give his children the belts then I believe that that is totally up to him. My ultimate point about the belts is that they hold no bearing in him taking care of the kids.
Women today love to refer to themselves as independent (including married women). Some women who marry rich or financially wealthy men, get so caught up in what they don't have to do anymore that they lose themselves. And since we're keeping it real, some women marry wealthy men so they don't have to do anything anymore. To me, independence comes from finding your own niche from within yourself and capitalize on your own God given ability. Not what those so-called "Basketball Wives" do. When I married my ex-wife, I married her because I loved her and I wanted to be with her. I didn't care what she would possibly become in the future, or, if she had an inheiritance. If she was worth $100 million dollars upon our divorce, I would not want one dime from her. In my opinion, it is double dipping to receive support upon a divorce. Were you not being taken care of while you were married? Take the divorce of Tiger Woods. Now, I know he is a special case. But just listen to the point I am about to bring to the table. You and I know very well that his ex-wife didn't have to work nor did she want for nothing. I'm positive that she had cash at her disposal whenever she wanted. And if I'm not mistaken, when they married, Tiger bought her a multi-million dollar yacht. Let me say that again--he bought HER a multi-million dollar yacht. That means that if they divorce, it's hers along with anything else he may have given her or bought her. Now Tiger may not be the best example to use because of the circumstances involving his divorce, but I hope you see where I'm going.
So to the fellas: that famous phrase it's cheaper to keep her couldn't be more true. It almost seems like you must take the necessary precautions from getting taken to the cleaners in case you end up in divorce court. The days when people fell in love and got married without a care of what may happen (divorce) are over. Your spouse to be may get mad, but, drawing up a prenuptial agreement looks like a must nowawadays. If they truly love you, then they wouldn't have a problem with that, right?
Some women who do not want to keep it real, or, just want to be combative or naive will argue when I say that divorce court is set up for women. Just google some divorce settlements and you'll see. Some women are probably already having fits thinking of all the things a woman should be entitled to upon a divorce. What happened to when we go our separate ways, we separate physically and financially? I am not talking about child support. This is strictly about spousal support and such. So please don't twist my words into something that I am not saying. After the assets of a divorcing couple is divided up equally, the only other thing I feel a woman should walk away with is her maiden name, if she chooses to. Once again, let me stress that I am not talking about child support. Some people (women mainly), feel that when a man has to pay up in a divorce settlement, it's because he did something to have to pay up. Not true! A divorce can simply be dissolved for irreconsolible differences and a man can be "taken to the cleaners." For those who may not know, irreconsolible differences means that no one is at fault for the marriage coming to an end. Such was the case in Shane Mosely's divorce case. Of course this reaches another level when you're talking about high profile divorces, or, divorce cases of wealthy couples.
A close friend of mine posted the story about Shane Mosely in a group on Facebook, and of course a spirited debate ensued between the men and women. One of my main points was why is she entitled to his title belts that he trained for, fought for, and ultimately won? She did not do any of the following: throw a punch at an opponent, run 1 mile while training for a fight, get hit by an opposing fighter during a fight, stick to a strict diet in order to stay in top shape that it takes to be a professional boxer. Who is she, or the courts to say that she gets his title belts that he worked so hard to attain? Some women were misconstruing my stance that she shouldn't get the belts for that I felt like the kids didn't deserve anything. That couldn't be any further from the truth. First of all, what does the title belts have to do with him taking care of the children? I'll answer that for you--absolutlely nothing! Secondly, Shane Mosely worked to get those belts for the betterment of HIS career. This may sound harsh--but if his children want title belts of their own, then they need to do what it takes in order to obtain such belts. If Shane Mosely wants to give his children the belts then I believe that that is totally up to him. My ultimate point about the belts is that they hold no bearing in him taking care of the kids.
Women today love to refer to themselves as independent (including married women). Some women who marry rich or financially wealthy men, get so caught up in what they don't have to do anymore that they lose themselves. And since we're keeping it real, some women marry wealthy men so they don't have to do anything anymore. To me, independence comes from finding your own niche from within yourself and capitalize on your own God given ability. Not what those so-called "Basketball Wives" do. When I married my ex-wife, I married her because I loved her and I wanted to be with her. I didn't care what she would possibly become in the future, or, if she had an inheiritance. If she was worth $100 million dollars upon our divorce, I would not want one dime from her. In my opinion, it is double dipping to receive support upon a divorce. Were you not being taken care of while you were married? Take the divorce of Tiger Woods. Now, I know he is a special case. But just listen to the point I am about to bring to the table. You and I know very well that his ex-wife didn't have to work nor did she want for nothing. I'm positive that she had cash at her disposal whenever she wanted. And if I'm not mistaken, when they married, Tiger bought her a multi-million dollar yacht. Let me say that again--he bought HER a multi-million dollar yacht. That means that if they divorce, it's hers along with anything else he may have given her or bought her. Now Tiger may not be the best example to use because of the circumstances involving his divorce, but I hope you see where I'm going.
So to the fellas: that famous phrase it's cheaper to keep her couldn't be more true. It almost seems like you must take the necessary precautions from getting taken to the cleaners in case you end up in divorce court. The days when people fell in love and got married without a care of what may happen (divorce) are over. Your spouse to be may get mad, but, drawing up a prenuptial agreement looks like a must nowawadays. If they truly love you, then they wouldn't have a problem with that, right?
Monday, July 4, 2011
Light Skin vs. Dark Skin: Is It Really That Serious
Many of you probably already know my discontent regarding this topic. Within society, the issue of light skin vs. dark skin has always been a conversation piece. People have literally drawn a line in the sand about what they prefer, and ABSOLUTELY will not deviate from it. I know that everyone has preferences and I'm cool with that. Hell, even I have a preference when it comes to the opposite sex. But, I also am versatile and will not subject myself to what I prefer only. My preference is light skin women, but I love dark skin women as well! I also love other races and ethnicities, but that's a totally different topic.
For years black men have been given grief for favoring light skinned females with "good hair" over dark skinned females. I put good hair in quotation marks because everyone has their own definition of what good hair is. At the same time many women have claimed to want a tall, dark, and handsome man. For the most part, men have stayed consistent with preferring light skin black women through the years. All you have to do is watch a rap video, and most of them aren't even black. I don't know if it's me, but, it seems as if women have flip flopped back and forth between light skin men vs. dark skin men. There was once a time when guys my complexion and lighter had the advantage when it came to women. I call it the Al B Sure and El Debarge years. I'm just trying to figure out when the dark skin brothas took over. And no I will never call another man chocolate (in case some of you were wondering)! Was it the emergence of Wesley Snipes back in the early to mid 90's? Whatever it is, a lot of women are losing their minds over the dark skin fellas these days.
I wanna ask the ladies a question...Why do you subject yourselves (not all of you) to mainly one specific type of person? Whether it be a light skin man or dark skin man. Why am I specifically asking the ladies this question--it's pretty simple to me--women (black women in particular) constantly complain that there are no good men around. If that is the case, then why limit yourself to strictly a light skin or dark skin man? Your argument will automatically be null and void with me if you only date strictly one or the other, but complain about a shortage of good men. Don't worry ladies, I will address the fellas later. I understand wanting what you want and not settling, but, this to me is solely based on outside physical appearance. Is there something or some way that a dark skin man treats you so differently as opposed to a light skin man and vice versa? I've had women of my complexion and lighter tell me how much they love the dark skin brothas. This includes white women, mixed women, and women of other ethnicities. Since most of you say that you are looking for a man to accept you and treat you like a queen--I take it that (in your eyes), only one or the other provides that for you, right? So I ask you--is light or dark skin really that serious?
To take it back to me for a quick second. I've been given grief by females for years. Most women who aren't light skinned have always automatically judge me saying that they weren't my type because they weren't light skinned. Not true at all! Matter of fact, my ex-wife is darker skinned with short hair. Why does it seem that there is a double standard when it comes to men having preferences in women? I'm sure women are going to say that this isn't true, but, I'm not the only man that sees it this way.
I'll get off the ladies for a second. Onto the fellas now. Let me state once again that I do not hold it against people for having preferences. But I think that men preferring light skin women has caused issues and complexes in females for years. When you look at women in society who are considered beautiful, nine times out of ten they are light skinned. All the light skin women are getting all of the acting and modeling gigs. It's rare that you see a dark skinned woman gracing the cover of a magazine. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but, it's rare. I think that you can even say that because of years of men preferring light skinned women it affects little girls and their confidence. Why is that? Let's face it, it is a male dominated society, and these little girls see what society views as beautiful, and feel that if they're darker then they're not beautiful. And to add to that fact; I've heard boys when I was young and boys now call little girls ugly because they were dark. This plays a part in a young girls self-esteem growing up. Like or not, it does. I've encountered some beautiful darker skinned women that don't think they're beautiful because men have told them they were too dark. I do believe that self esteem is just that--SELF-esteem--but it doesn't hurt when others compliment you and tell you that you're attractive. Even if you already know it.
I'm asking all of you once again...is skin complexion really that serious? I've met some beautiful people physically (whether it be light skinned or dark skinned) that turned out to be some of the ugliest people intellectually, socially, and just not good people overall. That term "everything that glitters ain't gold" couldn't be more true. I understand the importance of being with someone that you're attracted to. I'll actually understand a person being with someone who isn't considered beautiful because they value how that person treats them. Like they say--beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to be honest, a broken heart doesn't come with stipulations. What I mean by that is; even beautiful people break hearts too. So instead of focusing on if you're on team light skin or team dark skin--you might wanna consider being on team happy and treated well despite what complexion the person is.
For years black men have been given grief for favoring light skinned females with "good hair" over dark skinned females. I put good hair in quotation marks because everyone has their own definition of what good hair is. At the same time many women have claimed to want a tall, dark, and handsome man. For the most part, men have stayed consistent with preferring light skin black women through the years. All you have to do is watch a rap video, and most of them aren't even black. I don't know if it's me, but, it seems as if women have flip flopped back and forth between light skin men vs. dark skin men. There was once a time when guys my complexion and lighter had the advantage when it came to women. I call it the Al B Sure and El Debarge years. I'm just trying to figure out when the dark skin brothas took over. And no I will never call another man chocolate (in case some of you were wondering)! Was it the emergence of Wesley Snipes back in the early to mid 90's? Whatever it is, a lot of women are losing their minds over the dark skin fellas these days.
I wanna ask the ladies a question...Why do you subject yourselves (not all of you) to mainly one specific type of person? Whether it be a light skin man or dark skin man. Why am I specifically asking the ladies this question--it's pretty simple to me--women (black women in particular) constantly complain that there are no good men around. If that is the case, then why limit yourself to strictly a light skin or dark skin man? Your argument will automatically be null and void with me if you only date strictly one or the other, but complain about a shortage of good men. Don't worry ladies, I will address the fellas later. I understand wanting what you want and not settling, but, this to me is solely based on outside physical appearance. Is there something or some way that a dark skin man treats you so differently as opposed to a light skin man and vice versa? I've had women of my complexion and lighter tell me how much they love the dark skin brothas. This includes white women, mixed women, and women of other ethnicities. Since most of you say that you are looking for a man to accept you and treat you like a queen--I take it that (in your eyes), only one or the other provides that for you, right? So I ask you--is light or dark skin really that serious?
To take it back to me for a quick second. I've been given grief by females for years. Most women who aren't light skinned have always automatically judge me saying that they weren't my type because they weren't light skinned. Not true at all! Matter of fact, my ex-wife is darker skinned with short hair. Why does it seem that there is a double standard when it comes to men having preferences in women? I'm sure women are going to say that this isn't true, but, I'm not the only man that sees it this way.
I'll get off the ladies for a second. Onto the fellas now. Let me state once again that I do not hold it against people for having preferences. But I think that men preferring light skin women has caused issues and complexes in females for years. When you look at women in society who are considered beautiful, nine times out of ten they are light skinned. All the light skin women are getting all of the acting and modeling gigs. It's rare that you see a dark skinned woman gracing the cover of a magazine. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but, it's rare. I think that you can even say that because of years of men preferring light skinned women it affects little girls and their confidence. Why is that? Let's face it, it is a male dominated society, and these little girls see what society views as beautiful, and feel that if they're darker then they're not beautiful. And to add to that fact; I've heard boys when I was young and boys now call little girls ugly because they were dark. This plays a part in a young girls self-esteem growing up. Like or not, it does. I've encountered some beautiful darker skinned women that don't think they're beautiful because men have told them they were too dark. I do believe that self esteem is just that--SELF-esteem--but it doesn't hurt when others compliment you and tell you that you're attractive. Even if you already know it.
I'm asking all of you once again...is skin complexion really that serious? I've met some beautiful people physically (whether it be light skinned or dark skinned) that turned out to be some of the ugliest people intellectually, socially, and just not good people overall. That term "everything that glitters ain't gold" couldn't be more true. I understand the importance of being with someone that you're attracted to. I'll actually understand a person being with someone who isn't considered beautiful because they value how that person treats them. Like they say--beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to be honest, a broken heart doesn't come with stipulations. What I mean by that is; even beautiful people break hearts too. So instead of focusing on if you're on team light skin or team dark skin--you might wanna consider being on team happy and treated well despite what complexion the person is.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Breaking of A Covenant
Being a writer, sometimes you are led to write about controversial topics or issues. A guy whom I look up to who is a public figure (and writer as well) said something via Twitter that has stuck with me. He said: "I do not like the term aspiring writer. If you write, then you are a writer." I take writing and the topics I talk about very seriously. My decision to write about this controversial topic came to me at a moments notice while I was in the middle of writing another piece. I credit my mother with teaching me the importance of having thick skin--something I've also heard that you need to possess being a writer. I will share my view with you in a way that hopefully you'll see as articulate and to the point.
We live in a society that is constantly moving forward in every sense of the word. So much so, that, I feel we have compromised many foundations and morals that I feel are sacred. Let me just go ahead and put it plainly now. I strongly oppose same-sex marriage! And no matter how hard you try, I will not--let me say that again-- I WILL NOT budge in my beliefs regarding same-sex marriage, or, homosexuality as a whole. I realize that me openly voicing this to some of you will not sit well. We all have varying opinions and views, so we're bound to disagree at some point. It takes courage for one to stand firm in their beliefs when society says you should feel another way. Before I go any further, let me say that I do not hate, dislike, or am I homophobic towards gays. Nor do I encourage hate, dislike, bullying, or violence against gays. I will lend my support to a person who is gay getting treated with hate and violence before I stand next to a heterosexual individual who encourages hate and violence towards gays. I have actually formed frienships and bonds with people who are homosexual despite our obvious differences. Here is why I am writing about this now: Last week, New York's state Assembly approved a same-sex marriage bill. It now must go to the Senate to be voted on. I'm sure some of you are saying to yourselves that people should have the right to be with anybody they please. I will agree to disagree with you. Why do I feel so strongly? Simply put, I am a Christian! And if you're a Christian, you should feel exactly as I do. In Leviticus 18:22 the scripture reads: "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." That scripture comes from the New International Version of the Bible. Seems pretty clear cut to me. But if you need more scripture, read Ephesians 5:22-33.
At this point, some people are thinking one of two things: 1) the Bible speaks against more than just homosexuality 2) I'm not big into religion, or, I do not believe in God. To deal with the first point. You get no argument from me concerning what the Bible speaks against. I'm addressing homosexuality/same-sex marriage because it is such a hot topic in society. As for people not believing in God or being big into religion--the Lord is my Savior, and Jesus Christ died for my sins. I will stand true to this even if an army of weapons were pointed at me with the intention to influence me otherwise. I'll leave it at that.
My stance on this issue is slowly but surely becoming unpopular, and is being met with disdain and ire. A few days ago, former New York Giants football player David Tyree (Super Bowl XLII hero), came under scrutiny because of his comments on his opposition of same-sex marriage. He stated that "legalizing same-sex marriage would result in anarchy, and would mark the moment society loses its grip with what's right." Although I think his use of the word anarchy was a bit harsh (which he later admitted as being harsh as well, but still stands behind his statement and beliefs), I still stand and applaud him. Like I stated before, it takes a person with courage to stand firmly in their beliefs. Especially when your view is increasingly becoming unpopular. I feel that many public figures are compromising what they truly believe for the sake of popular opinion. Many (if not all), public figures successes are attributed to how the public views them. This is most notably true with musicians, actors, athletes, and politicians. One wrong statement can cause an entire group to alienate , or, pull back their support for a particular person or cause. Musicians can lose listeners of their music, politicians can lose votes, and athletes can lose endorsement contracts.
Do you remember the comments actor Isaiah Washington made while he was on the show Grey's Anatomy? In short, he called a fellow cast member a "faggot." There's more to the story which he explained on Larry King. I'm sure you can youtube it to see what he said. I don't condone the use of that word to anybody, let alone gays. And because of Washington's use of that word, it cost him greatly. He was fired from an extremely successful show, and his career as an ascending actor took a significant hit.
One thing that absolutely vexes me is for someone to proclaim the word of God, only to look like a hypocrite by the life that they lead. I mean this for the word of God as a whole, not just the issue of homosexuality. I know, and know of people who proclaim the word of God, but, support homosexual lifestyles, or, lead one themselves. I challenge anyone to show me any passage in the Bible where homosexuality, or, the union of same-sex couples is pleasing in the sight of God. My pastor in California, Dr. Claybon Lea Jr. once said in a sermon of his: "People have a way of twisting and turning what the word says to accomodate them and their situations." Speaking of pastors and the church. I harbor disappointment with those who omit preaching about homosexuality because they know that some are in their congregation. Why do some omit this topic in church? My guess is they don't wanna lose members, or, potential members.
Allow me to illustrate to you another way why I feel God in no way shape or form intended for same sex-sex relationships/marriage. Keep an open mind as you read this. It starts with one simple word--procreation. If for some reason men and women were separated without the ability or means to physically contact each other, what do you think would happen to mankind? I'm sure some of you are thinking that would never happen, and if it did, we have the technology to procreate still. Take that out of the equation because that is man-made. I'm talking about procreation in the purest form. If God's intention was for same-sex relationships/marriage to exist, he would've provided both sexes with the ability to carry children and have the ability to provide sperm (the male reproductive cell) alike.
Many will argue that God blessed us with the ability to create ways for same-sex couples to have children. Once again, I'll agree to disagree. Truth is, just because we can do it (whatever it is), or, have the ability to do it, doesn't mean it's pleasing in the sight of God. If you remember in the Book of Genesis, the Lord's heart was filled with pain, and he was saddened that he made man because of his wickedness. So much saddened was the Lord, he decided to wipe mankind from the Earth. All except Noah (whom had favor in the Lord's eyes) and his family. Read Genesis Chapter 6 if you don't believe me.
People have asked me before how would I feel if one, or, both of my sons confessed to me that they're gay. To be honest, I would be extremely hurt and saddened. But they are still my children, and I could never turn my back on them. Nor could I turn my back on any family member or friend who might "come out" to me about their sexual orientation. My life has been far from perfect, and I'm sure I have more mistakes to make. One thing that I've been blessed with though, is quality people in my life who help bring proper perspective. When I have struggled with things in my life, or, was just plainly doing things wrong, certain individuals were placed in my life to encourage me to read the word of God. For every situation we encounter, there is instruction on how to deal with that situation in the word. And I will continue to lean on God's word. I will borrow a line from the movie "Bad Teacher." A young kid was arguing with an adult that Lebron James is better than Michael Jordan. The grown up replied, "call me when Lebron gets six rings." The kid replied, "is that your only argument?" The man then emphatically replied with, "THAT'S ALL THE ARGUMENT I NEED SHAWN!" I say that to say...if you ask me if God's word against same-sex marriage is my only argument, I will reply with: "The Creator of ALL Creators says that it is detestable, and that's all the argument I need."
Now that I have said all of that--I still love you all--homosexual and heterosexual alike. You are all my brothers and sisters even if we have different views or lifestyles. The real question is...do you still love me?
We live in a society that is constantly moving forward in every sense of the word. So much so, that, I feel we have compromised many foundations and morals that I feel are sacred. Let me just go ahead and put it plainly now. I strongly oppose same-sex marriage! And no matter how hard you try, I will not--let me say that again-- I WILL NOT budge in my beliefs regarding same-sex marriage, or, homosexuality as a whole. I realize that me openly voicing this to some of you will not sit well. We all have varying opinions and views, so we're bound to disagree at some point. It takes courage for one to stand firm in their beliefs when society says you should feel another way. Before I go any further, let me say that I do not hate, dislike, or am I homophobic towards gays. Nor do I encourage hate, dislike, bullying, or violence against gays. I will lend my support to a person who is gay getting treated with hate and violence before I stand next to a heterosexual individual who encourages hate and violence towards gays. I have actually formed frienships and bonds with people who are homosexual despite our obvious differences. Here is why I am writing about this now: Last week, New York's state Assembly approved a same-sex marriage bill. It now must go to the Senate to be voted on. I'm sure some of you are saying to yourselves that people should have the right to be with anybody they please. I will agree to disagree with you. Why do I feel so strongly? Simply put, I am a Christian! And if you're a Christian, you should feel exactly as I do. In Leviticus 18:22 the scripture reads: "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." That scripture comes from the New International Version of the Bible. Seems pretty clear cut to me. But if you need more scripture, read Ephesians 5:22-33.
At this point, some people are thinking one of two things: 1) the Bible speaks against more than just homosexuality 2) I'm not big into religion, or, I do not believe in God. To deal with the first point. You get no argument from me concerning what the Bible speaks against. I'm addressing homosexuality/same-sex marriage because it is such a hot topic in society. As for people not believing in God or being big into religion--the Lord is my Savior, and Jesus Christ died for my sins. I will stand true to this even if an army of weapons were pointed at me with the intention to influence me otherwise. I'll leave it at that.
My stance on this issue is slowly but surely becoming unpopular, and is being met with disdain and ire. A few days ago, former New York Giants football player David Tyree (Super Bowl XLII hero), came under scrutiny because of his comments on his opposition of same-sex marriage. He stated that "legalizing same-sex marriage would result in anarchy, and would mark the moment society loses its grip with what's right." Although I think his use of the word anarchy was a bit harsh (which he later admitted as being harsh as well, but still stands behind his statement and beliefs), I still stand and applaud him. Like I stated before, it takes a person with courage to stand firmly in their beliefs. Especially when your view is increasingly becoming unpopular. I feel that many public figures are compromising what they truly believe for the sake of popular opinion. Many (if not all), public figures successes are attributed to how the public views them. This is most notably true with musicians, actors, athletes, and politicians. One wrong statement can cause an entire group to alienate , or, pull back their support for a particular person or cause. Musicians can lose listeners of their music, politicians can lose votes, and athletes can lose endorsement contracts.
Do you remember the comments actor Isaiah Washington made while he was on the show Grey's Anatomy? In short, he called a fellow cast member a "faggot." There's more to the story which he explained on Larry King. I'm sure you can youtube it to see what he said. I don't condone the use of that word to anybody, let alone gays. And because of Washington's use of that word, it cost him greatly. He was fired from an extremely successful show, and his career as an ascending actor took a significant hit.
One thing that absolutely vexes me is for someone to proclaim the word of God, only to look like a hypocrite by the life that they lead. I mean this for the word of God as a whole, not just the issue of homosexuality. I know, and know of people who proclaim the word of God, but, support homosexual lifestyles, or, lead one themselves. I challenge anyone to show me any passage in the Bible where homosexuality, or, the union of same-sex couples is pleasing in the sight of God. My pastor in California, Dr. Claybon Lea Jr. once said in a sermon of his: "People have a way of twisting and turning what the word says to accomodate them and their situations." Speaking of pastors and the church. I harbor disappointment with those who omit preaching about homosexuality because they know that some are in their congregation. Why do some omit this topic in church? My guess is they don't wanna lose members, or, potential members.
Allow me to illustrate to you another way why I feel God in no way shape or form intended for same sex-sex relationships/marriage. Keep an open mind as you read this. It starts with one simple word--procreation. If for some reason men and women were separated without the ability or means to physically contact each other, what do you think would happen to mankind? I'm sure some of you are thinking that would never happen, and if it did, we have the technology to procreate still. Take that out of the equation because that is man-made. I'm talking about procreation in the purest form. If God's intention was for same-sex relationships/marriage to exist, he would've provided both sexes with the ability to carry children and have the ability to provide sperm (the male reproductive cell) alike.
Many will argue that God blessed us with the ability to create ways for same-sex couples to have children. Once again, I'll agree to disagree. Truth is, just because we can do it (whatever it is), or, have the ability to do it, doesn't mean it's pleasing in the sight of God. If you remember in the Book of Genesis, the Lord's heart was filled with pain, and he was saddened that he made man because of his wickedness. So much saddened was the Lord, he decided to wipe mankind from the Earth. All except Noah (whom had favor in the Lord's eyes) and his family. Read Genesis Chapter 6 if you don't believe me.
People have asked me before how would I feel if one, or, both of my sons confessed to me that they're gay. To be honest, I would be extremely hurt and saddened. But they are still my children, and I could never turn my back on them. Nor could I turn my back on any family member or friend who might "come out" to me about their sexual orientation. My life has been far from perfect, and I'm sure I have more mistakes to make. One thing that I've been blessed with though, is quality people in my life who help bring proper perspective. When I have struggled with things in my life, or, was just plainly doing things wrong, certain individuals were placed in my life to encourage me to read the word of God. For every situation we encounter, there is instruction on how to deal with that situation in the word. And I will continue to lean on God's word. I will borrow a line from the movie "Bad Teacher." A young kid was arguing with an adult that Lebron James is better than Michael Jordan. The grown up replied, "call me when Lebron gets six rings." The kid replied, "is that your only argument?" The man then emphatically replied with, "THAT'S ALL THE ARGUMENT I NEED SHAWN!" I say that to say...if you ask me if God's word against same-sex marriage is my only argument, I will reply with: "The Creator of ALL Creators says that it is detestable, and that's all the argument I need."
Now that I have said all of that--I still love you all--homosexual and heterosexual alike. You are all my brothers and sisters even if we have different views or lifestyles. The real question is...do you still love me?
Monday, June 20, 2011
What Is Inspiring You
I find everyday in this overly saturated pop culture that most people are lacking inspiration that is of true substance. Gone are the days of people who radiated positivity, educational value, social, and economical awareness. In are the times where individuals who promote self-indulgence, arrogance, simplistic minded, and materialistic ways are thought of with high regard and imitated heavily. You have shows like: Basketball Sidepieces (I refuse to call them wives), Braxton Family Values, Mob Wives, any show a Kardashian is apart of, the series of The Real Housewives Of (pick a city), and the list sadly goes on and on. Musicly, people like Gucci Mane has people wanting to get wasted, YC has everybody talking about racks on racks on racks, and Plies has little girls thinking that they're "bust it babies." Lord have mercy! Television and music executives are making a killing and capitalizing on the masses thirst for garbage.
This blog in particular is solely about earthly inspirations. It's about, what are we listening to and watching. More importantly, what are our children listening to and watching. I guarantee you that kids (and some young adults), know more about smoking kush rather than The Kingdom of Kush. If you don't know about it, then I strongly suggest you pick up a book. The motto of "get rich or die trying" resonates much more than "each one teach one." I see way too many people trying to look and act like Lil Wayne rather than someone like Common (keeping it in the form of hip/hop influences). Nothing against Lil Wayne, but if I had to choose who would I rather my two boys be like, it would be Common in a landslide.
As a kid growing up, I had an affinity for Thurgood Marshall. I read about him a lot, and often thought about following in his footsteps in becoming a lawyer. For those who don't know, Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American to be appointed to the Supreme Court. As a lawyer, he was particularly successful arguing before the Supreme Court. He's most notably known for his victory in Brown vs. Board of Education. Enough of the history lesson. If you wanna know more, once again, I strongly suggest that you pick up a book. Get away from the gossip magazines and fictional novels for once.
This topic is truly important to me because it's as if we're satisfied with our lack of substance and culture. So I ask this of you...What is inspiring you? Is it money? Is it material things? Do you want to be known or popular by any means necessary? Don't get me wrong, everyone is influenced by money to a degree. But some folks will literally do ANYTHING for a dollar.
Sometimes I wonder what would Martin Luther King Jr. think of what we've become today. Specifically within the black community. Yes we have come a long way. Many of our people hold degrees and have attained financial wealth beyond imagination. Even with our many advancements in society, there is still yet so much wrong and so much growth to be had. In my view, we took a wrong turn at some point. I cannot pinpoint exactly where it was, but we definitely did. I read a lot about African-American history and about the people who courageously built a strong, rich legacy we should all be proud of. I'm just concerned that we're doing it a severe disservice here in the present.
Now to go back to the music aspect for a second. Even I love to listen to hip/hop. I also love jazz, r&b, gospel, some rock, and I even have appreciation for classical music as well. But with hip/hop (or rap) in particular, since millions are influenced by and listen to it. There are artists out there who promote everything I stated in my opening regarding social awareness, positivity, educational value, and even love. Not too many people wanna hear what their rapping about though. People like: The Roots, Common, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, and Mos Def just to name a few. I respect these artists for sticking to what's not "the norm" in hip/hop. They'd rather put out genuine good music as opposed to talking about delusions of grandeur. You hear the rappers these days with their obnoxious taunts of how many cars, houses, diamonds, and how much money they have. Absolutely nothing of substance! One of my favorite lines in a hip/hop song comes from Lupe Fiasco in the song "I'm Beaming." He says: "Mix Melyssa Ford, with Maya Angelou, become a top model, and Sojourner too." Simple, but it speaks volumes to me. What he is saying to women in particular is, as a woman, you can mix beauty, intelligence, and principle together. There is more to you then just your model looks.
I thank God for my father who was there to teach and guide me. I remember one day as a little kid he asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I replied, "a basketball player." Just as I do, my father absolutely loves sports. So, it was to my surprise when he gave me this look, took a step back and said: "Son, everybody cannot be a basketball player." Needless to say, I was shocked, but, it was the truth. It still is the truth today. Many young men today believe that their only way to a successful life is through athletics, or, be a rapper. I hold nothing against anyone who wants to be either of the two, because I'd rather that than a drug dealer or any other "career type" criminal. But the truth of the matter is, for some (and I do mean a very small percentage), this is a real possibility with hard work and dedication. The problem is, there are millions of you out there with the same exact dream. Now I will never discourage anyone not to pursue their dreams or passions (as long as they're legal). The key is, what sets you apart from the other million and one folk with the same exact dream in which there are only a few slots open. I don't know if you guys have noticed. Foreigners are coming to this country, getting educated and taking our jobs, or, returning to their country to improve their homeland. We are steadily falling behind, even though we have all the tools right here within our own communities. We don't have to travel outside this country to get a decent education.
I challenge us as a whole to inspire great things into our younger generation(s). We need more teachers, project managers, historians, writers, businessmen/women. Mothers, inspire your daughters that she can be more than a model even though she was blessed with beauty. A beautiful mind and heart in my opinion completes the package. Fathers, inspire your sons that it is okay to be a scientist when his peers say that being a rapper is more cool. Our pursuit of the almighty dollar has skewed the vision that our forefathers had for us. It can be corrected, but, it starts with us.
This blog in particular is solely about earthly inspirations. It's about, what are we listening to and watching. More importantly, what are our children listening to and watching. I guarantee you that kids (and some young adults), know more about smoking kush rather than The Kingdom of Kush. If you don't know about it, then I strongly suggest you pick up a book. The motto of "get rich or die trying" resonates much more than "each one teach one." I see way too many people trying to look and act like Lil Wayne rather than someone like Common (keeping it in the form of hip/hop influences). Nothing against Lil Wayne, but if I had to choose who would I rather my two boys be like, it would be Common in a landslide.
As a kid growing up, I had an affinity for Thurgood Marshall. I read about him a lot, and often thought about following in his footsteps in becoming a lawyer. For those who don't know, Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American to be appointed to the Supreme Court. As a lawyer, he was particularly successful arguing before the Supreme Court. He's most notably known for his victory in Brown vs. Board of Education. Enough of the history lesson. If you wanna know more, once again, I strongly suggest that you pick up a book. Get away from the gossip magazines and fictional novels for once.
This topic is truly important to me because it's as if we're satisfied with our lack of substance and culture. So I ask this of you...What is inspiring you? Is it money? Is it material things? Do you want to be known or popular by any means necessary? Don't get me wrong, everyone is influenced by money to a degree. But some folks will literally do ANYTHING for a dollar.
Sometimes I wonder what would Martin Luther King Jr. think of what we've become today. Specifically within the black community. Yes we have come a long way. Many of our people hold degrees and have attained financial wealth beyond imagination. Even with our many advancements in society, there is still yet so much wrong and so much growth to be had. In my view, we took a wrong turn at some point. I cannot pinpoint exactly where it was, but we definitely did. I read a lot about African-American history and about the people who courageously built a strong, rich legacy we should all be proud of. I'm just concerned that we're doing it a severe disservice here in the present.
Now to go back to the music aspect for a second. Even I love to listen to hip/hop. I also love jazz, r&b, gospel, some rock, and I even have appreciation for classical music as well. But with hip/hop (or rap) in particular, since millions are influenced by and listen to it. There are artists out there who promote everything I stated in my opening regarding social awareness, positivity, educational value, and even love. Not too many people wanna hear what their rapping about though. People like: The Roots, Common, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, and Mos Def just to name a few. I respect these artists for sticking to what's not "the norm" in hip/hop. They'd rather put out genuine good music as opposed to talking about delusions of grandeur. You hear the rappers these days with their obnoxious taunts of how many cars, houses, diamonds, and how much money they have. Absolutely nothing of substance! One of my favorite lines in a hip/hop song comes from Lupe Fiasco in the song "I'm Beaming." He says: "Mix Melyssa Ford, with Maya Angelou, become a top model, and Sojourner too." Simple, but it speaks volumes to me. What he is saying to women in particular is, as a woman, you can mix beauty, intelligence, and principle together. There is more to you then just your model looks.
I thank God for my father who was there to teach and guide me. I remember one day as a little kid he asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I replied, "a basketball player." Just as I do, my father absolutely loves sports. So, it was to my surprise when he gave me this look, took a step back and said: "Son, everybody cannot be a basketball player." Needless to say, I was shocked, but, it was the truth. It still is the truth today. Many young men today believe that their only way to a successful life is through athletics, or, be a rapper. I hold nothing against anyone who wants to be either of the two, because I'd rather that than a drug dealer or any other "career type" criminal. But the truth of the matter is, for some (and I do mean a very small percentage), this is a real possibility with hard work and dedication. The problem is, there are millions of you out there with the same exact dream. Now I will never discourage anyone not to pursue their dreams or passions (as long as they're legal). The key is, what sets you apart from the other million and one folk with the same exact dream in which there are only a few slots open. I don't know if you guys have noticed. Foreigners are coming to this country, getting educated and taking our jobs, or, returning to their country to improve their homeland. We are steadily falling behind, even though we have all the tools right here within our own communities. We don't have to travel outside this country to get a decent education.
I challenge us as a whole to inspire great things into our younger generation(s). We need more teachers, project managers, historians, writers, businessmen/women. Mothers, inspire your daughters that she can be more than a model even though she was blessed with beauty. A beautiful mind and heart in my opinion completes the package. Fathers, inspire your sons that it is okay to be a scientist when his peers say that being a rapper is more cool. Our pursuit of the almighty dollar has skewed the vision that our forefathers had for us. It can be corrected, but, it starts with us.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Communication IS The Key
I'm sure that most of you know by now that I am recently divorced. Either because you're close to me, picked it up through my writing, or, we have formed some sort of contact. So the issue of divorce is very near and dear to my heart. Especially when it comes to black families. The rate of divorce among black couples is staggering. So staggering, that I don't even wanna throw the percentages out there that I've seen in some of my readings regarding this particular subject matter. When I think about divorce, I think about the deadly disease that ravages the human body called cancer. Why do I parallel the two? Either: 1) you have been through a divorce or going through a divorce 2) you know someone who is divorced or going through a divorce 3) you, or someone you know is strongly considering it. One way or another, you have been affected by it directly or indirectly. The same can be said about cancer.
I had already picked this as my next topic to write about when I coincidentally came across a friend from High School Facebook post. She asked what was the number one cause of breakup in marriages. I thought to myself, "wow, that's my next topic!" So I commented that I was writing about that. I'm sure most of you know that once you comment, you start getting the notifications once other people comment as well. The very first comment was sex. There were a few more comments after that. One of them stated money as well (which I don't necessarily disagree with). But I was surprised that none of the women who commented didn't say what I hear a lot of women in particular complain about not having. Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION! It was clear to me that I needed to write about this. Not because I'm this huge expert about divorce and communication. But I was married for seven years and have gained knowledge on what it takes for a marriage to survive and thrive. So when you read this, don't take it as me feeding you pointless propaganda. We all have the ability to form our own opinions and ideas. I'm just sharing mine with you.
To go on the record, I do believe that communication, or, the lack of communication is the number one cause of breakups of marriage in particular. If you ask me, it goes in this order: 1) communication 2) money. Now, I will not be naive enough to not think that there haven't been divorces because of sex. I will say this though. If your marriage/relationship is surviving because of sex, then there is a serious lack of prioritization on what a relationship should be built on. And if you're marrying someone just because the sex is good, then I say that you're truly misguided and making the poorest decision of your life. I do believe that sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, and it should be great. It's just that the mature 31 year old me knows that sex doesn't, and SHOULD NOT keep a marriage together. PERIOD!
Let me get into why I feel strongly about communication being key in a marriage. I believe that if you truly took the time to assess what's important in your relationship, you would find that after God (in my opinion), communication is next in line. Problems developed during the course of a marriage is a byproduct of bad or non existent communication. Communication affects trust issues, money issues, and even intimacy. You cannot put a price on what the ability to talk effectively to your mate has. When you have an argument or disagreement is this most prevalent. I don't care how good your sex is, you're gonna have disagreements to put it lightly. So in retrospect, sex will not make it better. Let me let the fellas in on a little secret that they may not know already. Once you have an argument with your wife, you MUST resolve whatever the issue is with her through effective dialogue before you become intimate with her again. Men tend to think that sex is the cure-all for any problem that arises. WRONG! I don't care if you can make stars appear in the room (fellas) during intimacy. If you and your wife have an unresolved problem, she will think about it during, and most certainly after the intimacy. If you think I'm wrong, ask any woman. Key word being woman. Take it from a person who has had trouble communicating all his life (me). But thank God for growth.
Let me give a few examples of how bad communication can negatively affect a marriage. Let's say you and your spouse have a joint account which is your primary account. Say one of you is the one who mainly takes care of the account. Paying bills, authorizing transactions, balancing the checkbook etc. If the person who is not the one who manages the account is spending and not providing receipts or communicating on what they've spent will cause issues. And if it's done repeatedly, it will become a full blown problem. You can cause overdrafts, or give the impression that there's more money in the account then what there really is. This also can be done in reverse by the person who primarily maintains the account. They can cause problems if they're not communicating as well. I realize that a lot of people today maintain separate accounts, but a lot of couples still use the joint account method as well. Some tend to think that money issues are just one person bearing the responsibility of making the money that comes into that household. Sometimes it goes deeper then that.
One more example I will give would be this. Let's say that your husband is going to have a night out with the fellas. Ladies, you think your man is going to a game with his friends then to have a few drinks afterwards. After all, this is what he told you right? Let's say he tells you that he'll be home between 11:00 and 12:00 midnight. Well, the truth is that he and the fellas went to a strip club in another city causing him to make it home at about 4:00a.m. instead. Not only is this bad communication, it's flat out lying. As a result, you now have a woman with trust issues which is never good. A reason why once I got married I stayed my ass home! I won't go into any examples regarding how it affects intimacy because my mother is gonna read this. So I'm moving on!
In evaluating my own failed attempt at marriage. I realize that once the communication became iffy, so did the marriage as a whole. I was told by several smart people that marriage requires work everyday that it is in existence. I couldn't agree more! I guess in some small way I'm talking directly to the men. Women are typically better communicators than men. So please work on your communication. I promise you that you give your marriage/relationship a better chance at longevity and prosperity if you do!
I had already picked this as my next topic to write about when I coincidentally came across a friend from High School Facebook post. She asked what was the number one cause of breakup in marriages. I thought to myself, "wow, that's my next topic!" So I commented that I was writing about that. I'm sure most of you know that once you comment, you start getting the notifications once other people comment as well. The very first comment was sex. There were a few more comments after that. One of them stated money as well (which I don't necessarily disagree with). But I was surprised that none of the women who commented didn't say what I hear a lot of women in particular complain about not having. Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION! It was clear to me that I needed to write about this. Not because I'm this huge expert about divorce and communication. But I was married for seven years and have gained knowledge on what it takes for a marriage to survive and thrive. So when you read this, don't take it as me feeding you pointless propaganda. We all have the ability to form our own opinions and ideas. I'm just sharing mine with you.
To go on the record, I do believe that communication, or, the lack of communication is the number one cause of breakups of marriage in particular. If you ask me, it goes in this order: 1) communication 2) money. Now, I will not be naive enough to not think that there haven't been divorces because of sex. I will say this though. If your marriage/relationship is surviving because of sex, then there is a serious lack of prioritization on what a relationship should be built on. And if you're marrying someone just because the sex is good, then I say that you're truly misguided and making the poorest decision of your life. I do believe that sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, and it should be great. It's just that the mature 31 year old me knows that sex doesn't, and SHOULD NOT keep a marriage together. PERIOD!
Let me get into why I feel strongly about communication being key in a marriage. I believe that if you truly took the time to assess what's important in your relationship, you would find that after God (in my opinion), communication is next in line. Problems developed during the course of a marriage is a byproduct of bad or non existent communication. Communication affects trust issues, money issues, and even intimacy. You cannot put a price on what the ability to talk effectively to your mate has. When you have an argument or disagreement is this most prevalent. I don't care how good your sex is, you're gonna have disagreements to put it lightly. So in retrospect, sex will not make it better. Let me let the fellas in on a little secret that they may not know already. Once you have an argument with your wife, you MUST resolve whatever the issue is with her through effective dialogue before you become intimate with her again. Men tend to think that sex is the cure-all for any problem that arises. WRONG! I don't care if you can make stars appear in the room (fellas) during intimacy. If you and your wife have an unresolved problem, she will think about it during, and most certainly after the intimacy. If you think I'm wrong, ask any woman. Key word being woman. Take it from a person who has had trouble communicating all his life (me). But thank God for growth.
Let me give a few examples of how bad communication can negatively affect a marriage. Let's say you and your spouse have a joint account which is your primary account. Say one of you is the one who mainly takes care of the account. Paying bills, authorizing transactions, balancing the checkbook etc. If the person who is not the one who manages the account is spending and not providing receipts or communicating on what they've spent will cause issues. And if it's done repeatedly, it will become a full blown problem. You can cause overdrafts, or give the impression that there's more money in the account then what there really is. This also can be done in reverse by the person who primarily maintains the account. They can cause problems if they're not communicating as well. I realize that a lot of people today maintain separate accounts, but a lot of couples still use the joint account method as well. Some tend to think that money issues are just one person bearing the responsibility of making the money that comes into that household. Sometimes it goes deeper then that.
One more example I will give would be this. Let's say that your husband is going to have a night out with the fellas. Ladies, you think your man is going to a game with his friends then to have a few drinks afterwards. After all, this is what he told you right? Let's say he tells you that he'll be home between 11:00 and 12:00 midnight. Well, the truth is that he and the fellas went to a strip club in another city causing him to make it home at about 4:00a.m. instead. Not only is this bad communication, it's flat out lying. As a result, you now have a woman with trust issues which is never good. A reason why once I got married I stayed my ass home! I won't go into any examples regarding how it affects intimacy because my mother is gonna read this. So I'm moving on!
In evaluating my own failed attempt at marriage. I realize that once the communication became iffy, so did the marriage as a whole. I was told by several smart people that marriage requires work everyday that it is in existence. I couldn't agree more! I guess in some small way I'm talking directly to the men. Women are typically better communicators than men. So please work on your communication. I promise you that you give your marriage/relationship a better chance at longevity and prosperity if you do!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Journey Only God Could Walk Me Through: My Year In Iraq
The things that you're about to read regarding my time in Iraq is in no way shape or form to portray myself as a hero or something. When thinking about what my next blog would be, I realized that no one really knows some of the experiences that I had in Iraq. Not even my closest family members including my mother and father. But most importantly, I feel my greater intention is to provide you with my testimony on how God brought me through that year in Iraq.
January 9, 2005 I woke up that morning and began the process of putting my BDU's on (Battle Dress Uniform). Of course I had done this hundreds of times before, but today I was preparing to go off to war. My mother and father had come from Louisiana to see me off. I remember coming out of my room and seeing them both crying. I knew then that the realization had set in for them that this was in fact real, and that their son was indeed going off to serve the country. When I saw them with tears on their faces, all I could repeat to myself was "Lord give me strength." We prayed together, then prepared to make our way to my unit. At the time, I was married and my oldest son Jayden was a healthy four month old baby. I kept wondering why did I have to go. A question I asked God daily upon me me leaving. I didn't want to leave my family, but, when I signed up to be a soldier, I knew that this day would be a possibility. The last thing I remember from that day was the moment it was time for me to go. When I went to hug my mother I started to cry. I remember uttering these words to her: "Make sure that if they ever need anything, please do your best to take care of them (referring to my wife and child)."
When deploying to Iraq, your first stop is to Kuwait. While there, you and your unit go through in-processing, a lot of briefings, training, and setting up to prepare for your push to Iraq. One thing that was a big issue, was the issue of armored vehicles. We didn't have any, and frankly I didn't want to go anywhere without one. We received about two armored vehicles, and it's safe to say that my pay grade ensured that I wasn't entitled to one. So to balance it out, I guess, we had to insert these half inch metal sheets in between our doors. Us being naive, we felt some sort of protection. But knowing what I know now, I realize that we could've walked up there butt naked and we would've had the same protection as that sheet of metal provided us with.
It took us a few days to push to our final destination in Iraq, which is always the case when you're moving tactically in military vehicles. It went rather smoothly until one of our younger soldiers fell asleep at the wheel and a tricky maneuver was coming up. The gunner in that truck noticed at the last second, but, it was too late. They crashed and all three were trapped inside. We had to halt and assume security positions while we also tried to rescue our guys. I specifically remember laying in the sand with my M-16 rifle in a combat position thinking to myself "God, what am I doing here?" We got our guys out and they were airlifted away to safety. By the grace of God, they made it and met back up with us in Iraq. I got a taste on my first official night in Iraq of what I would face for the next year.
My unit was based at LSA Anaconda in Balad, Iraq. It's just outside of Tikrit, the home of the notorious Saddam Hussein. Right after we made it to Anaconda, my NCOIC (Non Commisioned Officer In Charge) and myself decided to go to the chow hall to get something to eat. It was late and we were tired, but we were extremely hungry. Upon leaving and walking to our vehicle, a loud boom and explosion occurred very close to us. We ran like hell to our vehicle and sped off. In theory, that wasn't the smartest thing to do. We really should've made it to the closest bunker instead. As we drove away, I thought to myself that this was going to be a long year.
One thing you think about when you think of Iraq is the heat. And trust me when I tell you that it's real and unforgiving. Iraq has just two seasons, summer and winter. When it's hot, it's extremely hot. When it's cold, it's freezing. It rains a lot during the winter, so you can just imagine how messy it gets when rain hits sand. Especially sand that is comparable to baby powder.
Aside from missing my family, adjusting to life on Anaconda went pretty well. After all, we had: Popeyes, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway, several gyms, laundry service, a movie theater, shopping, and a Green Beans Coffee Shop. Living on Anaconda was a blessing and a curse though. We had to deal with rocket and mortar attacks on a daily basis. We had fighter jets, cargo planes, helicopters, and our most important asset, US! So the enemy tried desperately each day to hit something. Sometimes they actually got lucky. They even hit a building right across the street from my shop leaving a huge hole in the roof. The irony of it was that we ended up servicing the National Guard soldiers vehicles that caught the guys who were responsible for that particular attack. While they were waiting on their vehicles, one of the soldiers said to me. "We got the bastards that did that (pointing to the hole in the roof)!" When I asked how did they know, he broke out a laptop. We all gathered around like some school kids. While performing a raid, they found a woman who was trying to hide a camera. Not only was she hiding the camera, she was hiding insurgents too. They took all the people into custody. On the footage that these troops were showing us, showed a familiar attack and a familiar building. It was that building right across the street. They had indeed filmed attacks they had performed including the one that hit the building right across from us.
Other than leaving Iraq for good, the other thing to look forward to was taking your two week leave and going back to the states. I had chosen to go home in August, because my wife was graduating from School, and my little man Jayden was turning one all in the same week. They had went to California while I was gone to stay with her grandparents. My mom, dad, and brother would come out to visit as well. When I landed in Dallas, TX I was treated like a true hero. It was amazing how much love and support I got from those people. There was a huge crowd there to greet us, which made me felt like I was a rock star, or, a politician running for President. I got first class treatment beyond my imagination. They bumped my flight up, ushered me to the front of the security check point amid a round of applause, and even upgraded me to first class for my flight to San Francisco. My trip was good because I got to spend time with my family, and I enjoyed every second of it. Before it was time for me to go back to Iraq, and my parents to go back to Louisiana, my father said to me, "well, it looks like we might have to pick up and go once we get home because a hurricane might be coming our way." I didn't think too much of it, because coming from Louisiana (New Orleans area in particular) we always get threats of hurricanes, but nothing usually comes our way. I guess this hurricane named Katrina had other ideas.
This time when I left my family I was literally depressed. On my way back to my first stop to Kuwait, I didn't want to be bothered at all! I took the blanket and put it over my head, put my iPod on, and basically slept the whole way back. I didn't even eat one meal. When I got back to Kuwait, I couldn't get access to a phone or computer for about two days. When I finally did, I called my wife and she had informed me about the hurricane hitting New Orleans. After hanging up with her, I tried to call my parents. Of course you probably know that I couldn't get through. I went to a computer, turned it on, and the first image that popped up broke my heart. It was the Superdome with the roof gone and water surrounding it. I immediately began to weep. I knew that this was terrible of epic proportions.
I made it back to Iraq a couple days after this, but, I surely didn't want to be there now. When I got back, everyone kept telling me about the hurricane and asking me if my family was alright. I didn't really know until I received an email from my mom stating that everyone was fine and that they were in Lake Charles, LA. We watched all the news coverage about Katrina and it's aftermath. After awhile I just couldn't take it anymore. On a particular day I was in the chow hall with a friend of mine and of course on the t.v. was the coverage of Katrina. They were showing the looting in particular when this civilian trucker said out loud, and I quote: "they just need to shoot all of them bastards!" NO HE DIDN'T! I think I went unconscious. I went off on that dude so bad that my friend had to take me out. All I remember was starting with, "how dare your ignorant ass talk about my hometown and my people like that!" Everything else after that was a blur. At this moment I was really ready to leave. The city that I was so proud to be from was in desperate need. I felt like how can I be here when it's clear that my own people need me back home. The last straw came when me and some other soldiers tried to set up an account to get funds to be sent home for relief efforts. We were told no because of some bogus reason (which to this day I'm still salty about). If you remember, the tsunami in Indonesia had happened around that time as well, and they were taking up donations for it. You talking about a mad somebody (me)! My focus was gone and I needed to get it back.
One morning after PT (physical training), I was going from my room to the latrine (bathroom) to shower when I heard this whistling noise directly over my head then a crash in the gravel nearby. It was a mortar round that had landed about 50ft away from me but did not explode. The rush of adrenaline that I felt at that moment was palpable. I immediately ran to the nearest bunker and thanked God over and over. I knew that if it had exploded that I would've died or been severely hurt. I don't know about you, but I wanna get up and shout just because the Lord was my protector! This was a moment God showed me that even though I was in the most dangerous place in the world, he was going to navigate me through it in his hands. I thank him every single day for that! Another near miss moment came when my roommate and I had walked out of the PX (military version of Target or Walmart), and ten minutes later the PX was hit with a rocket killing three people. Once again, God was looking over his son. Thank you Jesus!
Another dangerous task was having to go out on convoys. I was my Platoon Leader's driver, so when he went, I went. Anytime I was informed about an upcoming convoy that I was to be apart of, I would literally be scared to death to the point I was shaking. If you know anything about the war in Iraq, you know that a lot of soldiers lose their lives on convoys. Your most dangerous enemy is IED's and VBIED's. An IED is an improvised explosive device rigged with a timer or device controlled by someone nearby. Once a convoy passes, that person will trigger the IED causing it to explode. A VBIED is a vehicle born improvised explosive device. Meaning that a suicide bomber packs a car full of explosives and drives that car into a convoy detonating it. It's scary because most of the time you can't see it coming.
On the mornings that we would leave on convoys, I developed a routine that I had to do every time. After our leadership briefed us, I would go sit in my vehicle by myself. I would take out the pictures of my wife and son and kiss them. Then I would close my eyes and pray. The awesome thing was, once I finished praying and re-opened my eyes, the scared feeling was completely gone! No more shaking, no more butterflies. I did this before every convoy. It's almost as if God said to me, "there's nothing to be afraid of my child." I would be cool, calm, and collected. And every time I went on a convoy we were hit with an IED. But to God be the glory, we ALL made it home!
I know this was long, and actually there's more to tell. I just wanted to share this with you to possibly inspire you. No matter what adversity you may face, remember that God has the final say. But I know I made it not just because of my own prayers. I know that I had a praying mother who prayed for me everyday. I know that my family and friend's prayed for my safe return as well. Speaking of my return. You must hear about it in closing.
I knew when I was coming home, but my wife kept telling me not to tell my parents. She came up with every reason for me not to tell. I have to tell you that it was the hardest thing not to do. My mother was becoming anxious about my return home and would constantly ask when I was coming back. When I landed back in Savannah, GA I called my wife and said that I made it and that I wanted to call my parents. She begged me emphatically not to. It was such a happy moment once I reunited with my family. Jayden was getting so big and I was just happy to hold him in my arms. We made our way back to the house so I could get out of my uniform and get comfortable. Once we got around the corner from our house, my wife put my son's blanket over my head. I was like, "what the hell are you doing?" Once we got inside, she screamed "Ms. Wendy!" I couldn't move! I just stood in the hallway shocked. My mom came out and saw me and started to scream "Craig is here!" My dad and brother came out then, and we all hugged and shed tears of joy. I didn't know that they were there, and they didn't know that I was coming home. To this day, other than seeing my babies born, that was the most happiest and joyous moment of my life! Oh yeah, I didn't mention that this happened on Christmas Eve 2005. God is good!
January 9, 2005 I woke up that morning and began the process of putting my BDU's on (Battle Dress Uniform). Of course I had done this hundreds of times before, but today I was preparing to go off to war. My mother and father had come from Louisiana to see me off. I remember coming out of my room and seeing them both crying. I knew then that the realization had set in for them that this was in fact real, and that their son was indeed going off to serve the country. When I saw them with tears on their faces, all I could repeat to myself was "Lord give me strength." We prayed together, then prepared to make our way to my unit. At the time, I was married and my oldest son Jayden was a healthy four month old baby. I kept wondering why did I have to go. A question I asked God daily upon me me leaving. I didn't want to leave my family, but, when I signed up to be a soldier, I knew that this day would be a possibility. The last thing I remember from that day was the moment it was time for me to go. When I went to hug my mother I started to cry. I remember uttering these words to her: "Make sure that if they ever need anything, please do your best to take care of them (referring to my wife and child)."
When deploying to Iraq, your first stop is to Kuwait. While there, you and your unit go through in-processing, a lot of briefings, training, and setting up to prepare for your push to Iraq. One thing that was a big issue, was the issue of armored vehicles. We didn't have any, and frankly I didn't want to go anywhere without one. We received about two armored vehicles, and it's safe to say that my pay grade ensured that I wasn't entitled to one. So to balance it out, I guess, we had to insert these half inch metal sheets in between our doors. Us being naive, we felt some sort of protection. But knowing what I know now, I realize that we could've walked up there butt naked and we would've had the same protection as that sheet of metal provided us with.
It took us a few days to push to our final destination in Iraq, which is always the case when you're moving tactically in military vehicles. It went rather smoothly until one of our younger soldiers fell asleep at the wheel and a tricky maneuver was coming up. The gunner in that truck noticed at the last second, but, it was too late. They crashed and all three were trapped inside. We had to halt and assume security positions while we also tried to rescue our guys. I specifically remember laying in the sand with my M-16 rifle in a combat position thinking to myself "God, what am I doing here?" We got our guys out and they were airlifted away to safety. By the grace of God, they made it and met back up with us in Iraq. I got a taste on my first official night in Iraq of what I would face for the next year.
My unit was based at LSA Anaconda in Balad, Iraq. It's just outside of Tikrit, the home of the notorious Saddam Hussein. Right after we made it to Anaconda, my NCOIC (Non Commisioned Officer In Charge) and myself decided to go to the chow hall to get something to eat. It was late and we were tired, but we were extremely hungry. Upon leaving and walking to our vehicle, a loud boom and explosion occurred very close to us. We ran like hell to our vehicle and sped off. In theory, that wasn't the smartest thing to do. We really should've made it to the closest bunker instead. As we drove away, I thought to myself that this was going to be a long year.
One thing you think about when you think of Iraq is the heat. And trust me when I tell you that it's real and unforgiving. Iraq has just two seasons, summer and winter. When it's hot, it's extremely hot. When it's cold, it's freezing. It rains a lot during the winter, so you can just imagine how messy it gets when rain hits sand. Especially sand that is comparable to baby powder.
Aside from missing my family, adjusting to life on Anaconda went pretty well. After all, we had: Popeyes, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway, several gyms, laundry service, a movie theater, shopping, and a Green Beans Coffee Shop. Living on Anaconda was a blessing and a curse though. We had to deal with rocket and mortar attacks on a daily basis. We had fighter jets, cargo planes, helicopters, and our most important asset, US! So the enemy tried desperately each day to hit something. Sometimes they actually got lucky. They even hit a building right across the street from my shop leaving a huge hole in the roof. The irony of it was that we ended up servicing the National Guard soldiers vehicles that caught the guys who were responsible for that particular attack. While they were waiting on their vehicles, one of the soldiers said to me. "We got the bastards that did that (pointing to the hole in the roof)!" When I asked how did they know, he broke out a laptop. We all gathered around like some school kids. While performing a raid, they found a woman who was trying to hide a camera. Not only was she hiding the camera, she was hiding insurgents too. They took all the people into custody. On the footage that these troops were showing us, showed a familiar attack and a familiar building. It was that building right across the street. They had indeed filmed attacks they had performed including the one that hit the building right across from us.
Other than leaving Iraq for good, the other thing to look forward to was taking your two week leave and going back to the states. I had chosen to go home in August, because my wife was graduating from School, and my little man Jayden was turning one all in the same week. They had went to California while I was gone to stay with her grandparents. My mom, dad, and brother would come out to visit as well. When I landed in Dallas, TX I was treated like a true hero. It was amazing how much love and support I got from those people. There was a huge crowd there to greet us, which made me felt like I was a rock star, or, a politician running for President. I got first class treatment beyond my imagination. They bumped my flight up, ushered me to the front of the security check point amid a round of applause, and even upgraded me to first class for my flight to San Francisco. My trip was good because I got to spend time with my family, and I enjoyed every second of it. Before it was time for me to go back to Iraq, and my parents to go back to Louisiana, my father said to me, "well, it looks like we might have to pick up and go once we get home because a hurricane might be coming our way." I didn't think too much of it, because coming from Louisiana (New Orleans area in particular) we always get threats of hurricanes, but nothing usually comes our way. I guess this hurricane named Katrina had other ideas.
This time when I left my family I was literally depressed. On my way back to my first stop to Kuwait, I didn't want to be bothered at all! I took the blanket and put it over my head, put my iPod on, and basically slept the whole way back. I didn't even eat one meal. When I got back to Kuwait, I couldn't get access to a phone or computer for about two days. When I finally did, I called my wife and she had informed me about the hurricane hitting New Orleans. After hanging up with her, I tried to call my parents. Of course you probably know that I couldn't get through. I went to a computer, turned it on, and the first image that popped up broke my heart. It was the Superdome with the roof gone and water surrounding it. I immediately began to weep. I knew that this was terrible of epic proportions.
I made it back to Iraq a couple days after this, but, I surely didn't want to be there now. When I got back, everyone kept telling me about the hurricane and asking me if my family was alright. I didn't really know until I received an email from my mom stating that everyone was fine and that they were in Lake Charles, LA. We watched all the news coverage about Katrina and it's aftermath. After awhile I just couldn't take it anymore. On a particular day I was in the chow hall with a friend of mine and of course on the t.v. was the coverage of Katrina. They were showing the looting in particular when this civilian trucker said out loud, and I quote: "they just need to shoot all of them bastards!" NO HE DIDN'T! I think I went unconscious. I went off on that dude so bad that my friend had to take me out. All I remember was starting with, "how dare your ignorant ass talk about my hometown and my people like that!" Everything else after that was a blur. At this moment I was really ready to leave. The city that I was so proud to be from was in desperate need. I felt like how can I be here when it's clear that my own people need me back home. The last straw came when me and some other soldiers tried to set up an account to get funds to be sent home for relief efforts. We were told no because of some bogus reason (which to this day I'm still salty about). If you remember, the tsunami in Indonesia had happened around that time as well, and they were taking up donations for it. You talking about a mad somebody (me)! My focus was gone and I needed to get it back.
One morning after PT (physical training), I was going from my room to the latrine (bathroom) to shower when I heard this whistling noise directly over my head then a crash in the gravel nearby. It was a mortar round that had landed about 50ft away from me but did not explode. The rush of adrenaline that I felt at that moment was palpable. I immediately ran to the nearest bunker and thanked God over and over. I knew that if it had exploded that I would've died or been severely hurt. I don't know about you, but I wanna get up and shout just because the Lord was my protector! This was a moment God showed me that even though I was in the most dangerous place in the world, he was going to navigate me through it in his hands. I thank him every single day for that! Another near miss moment came when my roommate and I had walked out of the PX (military version of Target or Walmart), and ten minutes later the PX was hit with a rocket killing three people. Once again, God was looking over his son. Thank you Jesus!
Another dangerous task was having to go out on convoys. I was my Platoon Leader's driver, so when he went, I went. Anytime I was informed about an upcoming convoy that I was to be apart of, I would literally be scared to death to the point I was shaking. If you know anything about the war in Iraq, you know that a lot of soldiers lose their lives on convoys. Your most dangerous enemy is IED's and VBIED's. An IED is an improvised explosive device rigged with a timer or device controlled by someone nearby. Once a convoy passes, that person will trigger the IED causing it to explode. A VBIED is a vehicle born improvised explosive device. Meaning that a suicide bomber packs a car full of explosives and drives that car into a convoy detonating it. It's scary because most of the time you can't see it coming.
On the mornings that we would leave on convoys, I developed a routine that I had to do every time. After our leadership briefed us, I would go sit in my vehicle by myself. I would take out the pictures of my wife and son and kiss them. Then I would close my eyes and pray. The awesome thing was, once I finished praying and re-opened my eyes, the scared feeling was completely gone! No more shaking, no more butterflies. I did this before every convoy. It's almost as if God said to me, "there's nothing to be afraid of my child." I would be cool, calm, and collected. And every time I went on a convoy we were hit with an IED. But to God be the glory, we ALL made it home!
I know this was long, and actually there's more to tell. I just wanted to share this with you to possibly inspire you. No matter what adversity you may face, remember that God has the final say. But I know I made it not just because of my own prayers. I know that I had a praying mother who prayed for me everyday. I know that my family and friend's prayed for my safe return as well. Speaking of my return. You must hear about it in closing.
I knew when I was coming home, but my wife kept telling me not to tell my parents. She came up with every reason for me not to tell. I have to tell you that it was the hardest thing not to do. My mother was becoming anxious about my return home and would constantly ask when I was coming back. When I landed back in Savannah, GA I called my wife and said that I made it and that I wanted to call my parents. She begged me emphatically not to. It was such a happy moment once I reunited with my family. Jayden was getting so big and I was just happy to hold him in my arms. We made our way back to the house so I could get out of my uniform and get comfortable. Once we got around the corner from our house, my wife put my son's blanket over my head. I was like, "what the hell are you doing?" Once we got inside, she screamed "Ms. Wendy!" I couldn't move! I just stood in the hallway shocked. My mom came out and saw me and started to scream "Craig is here!" My dad and brother came out then, and we all hugged and shed tears of joy. I didn't know that they were there, and they didn't know that I was coming home. To this day, other than seeing my babies born, that was the most happiest and joyous moment of my life! Oh yeah, I didn't mention that this happened on Christmas Eve 2005. God is good!
Friday, June 3, 2011
We See You Ms. Independent: Say It Proud But Not Too Damn Loud
It's been said many times before, and I'm going to reiterate it now. There is nothing like the wrath of a woman scorned. Treat a woman wrong, or, get on her bad side and she can become cold, distant, and sometimes downright vicious. Even with this quality, I will forever love the ladies and sometimes the ladies love me (this would be the moment where I insert lol). So with that said, I will do my best to err on the side of caution, but, keep it real at the same time. Now that I've got that out of the way. Let's go!
The meteoric rise of all women across the world is not only admirable, it's inspiring as well. Women have overcome sexism, racism among other obstacles to get to where they're at today. Women have turned the corner from solely being homemakers and caregivers, to becoming successful business owners, CEO's of companies, top executives, judges, and the list goes on. With the talents and the guidance God has blessed them with, these things are attainable. Not to mention some hard work as well. Some even have the stressful task of taking care of a family at the same time. Then you have the woman with no kids, no man, and certainly doesn't need the help of one. I respect all of you ladies for your hard work and independence. I stand and applaud you all! Why wouldn't I? I come from a family full of independent women, married and single.
I'm sure the fellas whom are reading this are saying to themselves, "ok Craig, get it in already!" Here is where my disconnect comes with just a few of you "Ms. Independent's" out there. The constant need for some of you to constantly jump on an imaginary bullhorn to proclaim to the world that you're independent has become monotonous. When you're out there "doing your thang" being a mover and shaker, trust when I tell you that people notice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your independence. Just don't constantly beat the world over the head with that "I'm independent stick." I'm sure many of you just like me see or hear it all the time. Whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, or, in the "street." I'm tired of logging onto Facebook and constantly seeing a repeat of this: "I don't need no man," or, "I got what I got on my own!" Then there's your classic line of, "men ain't shit!" REALLY! This usually comes from the woman who is in the club every week looking for love in all the wrong places. It kills me when some women slander a whole group (men) because of the few experiences that they've encountered. I know my fair share of men and women who aren't about anything. It's applicable to the few who are deserving of it. Trust me, it goes both ways, but, I would never generalize an entire group because of whatever it is that I've been through.
If you remember, I stated earlier that I come from a family full of independent women. Some of the profession's by the women in my family include: business owner, bank executive, retired educator, employee of the government, executive in the fast food industry, health care worker, and my own mother is a Human Resources Manager. We also have future designers and pharmacists on the horizon from the younger generation of women in my family. Yet, I have once to hear any of these hardworking women get on a soap box and proclaim what they can do without the help of a man, or anybody for that matter. Why would they have to? To me it's obvious that they can accomplish anything that they want to.
At this point I'm probably getting a couple witnesses from the ladies while the rest of you are probably giving me the side eye. I'm fine with that because ultimately I know that my intention is to give credit to those who are only to be noticed because people genuinely notice you and admire you. Not because you self promote yourself as "Ms. Independent." To be honest, I and to men like me do not find your self promotion sexy at all! Now I'm speaking for myself when I say this: I don't care if you're Stacey Dash pretty and Beyonce fine, I will run like hell if you start talking all that foolishness around me. Speaking of Beyonce, I'm pretty sure that Jay-Z realizes that there's nothing he can do that Beyonce can't do for herself. So whenever they have a marital spat (trust me, even they have them too), the line "negro I don't need you (most likely said another way)!" Is a complete waste of time and breath.
Let me also put it out there that I realize that there are men out there who can't handle independent women. Most of them can't because of these three main reasons: 1) he can't handle her opinionated ways 2) he can't handle her success and how much money she makes 3) he has a primitive way of thinking. When you encounter this type of man, just keep it moving because it's highly unlikely that the two of you will ever be on the same accord.
I pray that more women become independent by the day because let's face it, it's the year 2011. I pray that men are able to push egos aside and accept the fact that women are moving at a rapid pace. Also, let me say that just because you can get your nails and hair done by yourself doesn't make you independent. And I don't care what Drake says, it damn sure doesn't mean that you're fancy! It takes a little bit more then that.
The meteoric rise of all women across the world is not only admirable, it's inspiring as well. Women have overcome sexism, racism among other obstacles to get to where they're at today. Women have turned the corner from solely being homemakers and caregivers, to becoming successful business owners, CEO's of companies, top executives, judges, and the list goes on. With the talents and the guidance God has blessed them with, these things are attainable. Not to mention some hard work as well. Some even have the stressful task of taking care of a family at the same time. Then you have the woman with no kids, no man, and certainly doesn't need the help of one. I respect all of you ladies for your hard work and independence. I stand and applaud you all! Why wouldn't I? I come from a family full of independent women, married and single.
I'm sure the fellas whom are reading this are saying to themselves, "ok Craig, get it in already!" Here is where my disconnect comes with just a few of you "Ms. Independent's" out there. The constant need for some of you to constantly jump on an imaginary bullhorn to proclaim to the world that you're independent has become monotonous. When you're out there "doing your thang" being a mover and shaker, trust when I tell you that people notice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your independence. Just don't constantly beat the world over the head with that "I'm independent stick." I'm sure many of you just like me see or hear it all the time. Whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, or, in the "street." I'm tired of logging onto Facebook and constantly seeing a repeat of this: "I don't need no man," or, "I got what I got on my own!" Then there's your classic line of, "men ain't shit!" REALLY! This usually comes from the woman who is in the club every week looking for love in all the wrong places. It kills me when some women slander a whole group (men) because of the few experiences that they've encountered. I know my fair share of men and women who aren't about anything. It's applicable to the few who are deserving of it. Trust me, it goes both ways, but, I would never generalize an entire group because of whatever it is that I've been through.
If you remember, I stated earlier that I come from a family full of independent women. Some of the profession's by the women in my family include: business owner, bank executive, retired educator, employee of the government, executive in the fast food industry, health care worker, and my own mother is a Human Resources Manager. We also have future designers and pharmacists on the horizon from the younger generation of women in my family. Yet, I have once to hear any of these hardworking women get on a soap box and proclaim what they can do without the help of a man, or anybody for that matter. Why would they have to? To me it's obvious that they can accomplish anything that they want to.
At this point I'm probably getting a couple witnesses from the ladies while the rest of you are probably giving me the side eye. I'm fine with that because ultimately I know that my intention is to give credit to those who are only to be noticed because people genuinely notice you and admire you. Not because you self promote yourself as "Ms. Independent." To be honest, I and to men like me do not find your self promotion sexy at all! Now I'm speaking for myself when I say this: I don't care if you're Stacey Dash pretty and Beyonce fine, I will run like hell if you start talking all that foolishness around me. Speaking of Beyonce, I'm pretty sure that Jay-Z realizes that there's nothing he can do that Beyonce can't do for herself. So whenever they have a marital spat (trust me, even they have them too), the line "negro I don't need you (most likely said another way)!" Is a complete waste of time and breath.
Let me also put it out there that I realize that there are men out there who can't handle independent women. Most of them can't because of these three main reasons: 1) he can't handle her opinionated ways 2) he can't handle her success and how much money she makes 3) he has a primitive way of thinking. When you encounter this type of man, just keep it moving because it's highly unlikely that the two of you will ever be on the same accord.
I pray that more women become independent by the day because let's face it, it's the year 2011. I pray that men are able to push egos aside and accept the fact that women are moving at a rapid pace. Also, let me say that just because you can get your nails and hair done by yourself doesn't make you independent. And I don't care what Drake says, it damn sure doesn't mean that you're fancy! It takes a little bit more then that.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Cloth With A Stain On It
For hundreds of years church and religion has been the backbone of black families. During slavery you could hear hymns being sung by slaves as they worked tirelessly in the sweltering fields. They also worshiped together in their quarters whenever possible. Fast forward to today. Many people cannot wait for the work week to end so that they can carry the troubles and stress that life brings us to the Lord. The House of the Lord is that place of peace where you sometimes walk into with your faith and spirit on E. After hearing the word and some inspirational singing, souls come out with their full armor on ready for battle. The saints emerge with a new walk, talk, and ready for whatever the enemy has next.
Just like many of you, I myself has grown up in the church since I can remember. From church service on Sunday, to Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, serving on the usher board, to going with my mom to choir rehearsal. If it had anything to do with church, best believe Wendy Wilson had me there. Even as an adult, attending church services and functions has been a big part of my life. I enjoy the church atmosphere of worshiping God in unison with fellow church members. I love the preaching and teaching from powerful pastors or ministers. Their intelligent interpretation of the Bible personally helps me to better understand the word.
The pastor is the man (or woman in some cases now) that God calls upon to lead a particular church. He is not only the person standing before you on Sunday preaching the word. He leads you in Bible study, counsels you when needed, takes phone calls in the middle of the night from members who are either in trouble, or sick among other things. Some folk just don't realize what actually goes into overseeing a congregation. Some just think the pastor shows up on Sunday, opens his Bible, speaks a few words, quote a few scriptures, hoops and hollers, then leaves only to return next Sunday to repeat the process all over again. Being a pastor is truly a 24/7 job. I know this because my ex father-in-law was my pastor at one point. I witnessed the work ethic, sacrifice, and the passion it takes to do God's work in a manner that's commendable.
For the saints of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, a megachurch in Lithonia, GA. The leader and pastor is Bishop Eddie Long. I'm sure that all, or most of you know that late last year, four young men filed lawsuits alleging that Eddie Long used his "pastoral power to coerce them into a sexual relationship with him." Say what you want, but, these are tremendous accusations against a man whose influence not only reaches the 25,000 plus members at his church (last count by Wikipedia), but, the countless people who follow him via television, radio, and internet. When I first caught wind of the allegations, my first thought was that if he is not guilty, then he must fight this in order to clear his name. I also thought that if he was guilty, then shame on him. Needless to say, I was expecting an all out defense on the part of Long.
The Sunday after the allegations were made against Long, I'm sure many eyes were on him to see what his response might be. I feel, and many other people I've talked with feel that what we got was a show. As I watched Long address his congregation, I waited for him to defiantly deny the accusations levied upon him. He instead kept referring to the media who were in attendance. There were several moments when the congregation seemed more like fans rather than members taking a listening ear to see what their leader had to say concerning the serious matter at hand. Not saying that they shouldn't support their pastor because they should indeed support and pray for their pastor. Eddie Long went on to say that he has "never portrayed himself as a perfect man," and that "he wasn't the man that's being portrayed on television." He then ended by saying that he has been "accused and was under attack," and that "this thing I'm going to fight." But the coup de gras came when he said: "I feel like David against Goliath, but, I got five rocks. And I haven't thrown one yet!" He then picked up his Ipad, grabbed his wife's hand, and whisked away to the roar of the crowd. At that moment I felt that he didn't necessarily deny the accusations, but he made it known that he would fight it.
To my surprise, Long threw some bones, or duckies (money) to the accusers (as reported by different news media outlets in Atlanta) by settling the lawsuits just last week. This is hardly fighting or throwing any of them five rocks he claimed to have ready to throw such as David did against Goliath. In my view, if Long was indeed innocent of these allegations (which he semi-denied), then he needed to use all of them five rocks and more! If you're being "accused and under attack"as Long claimed he was, then you go on the defense to protect your innocence, as well as your good name and reputation. As I stated before, my ex father-in-law was a pastor. Because of that, I have formed friendships and have gotten to know other pastors in the Northern California area. One pastor in particular (who will remain anonymous), came under the same accusations that Long did. Actually, these particular accusations were a little more harsh. He denied the allegations and maintained his innocence. It didn't stop people from judging him prematurely, or, the removal of him as pastor at his church. He fought the accusations for almost two years. It did eventually come to light that the allegations were indeed false. He is now repairing what was damaged of his reputation and has even started a new church in which he is pastor. This pastor whom I'm referring to has nowhere near the influence an Eddie Long has, but, his plight was tragic all the same.
Many people are quick to say, "leave him alone," and , "why are so many people worried about him?" Here's what I want people to understand. Sometimes in life, you have to be held responsible and must answer to some things that you may not want to answer to. When I was in the Army, I had an NCO (Non Commissioned Officer or Sgt.) who was grooming me to become an NCO. He would always point to the stripes on his collar and remind me that great responsibility comes with those stripes. Sometimes he was held accountable for things that he didn't do. It could've been that one of his soldiers was late to formation, and to get their point across, the 1st Sgt. would impose punishment on that soldier's first line Sgt. to ensure it doesn't happen again. At New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, Eddie Long is the man with those stripes on his collar. So in some sense, he bears responsibility to answer to these charges.
I'm sure that since these lawsuits have been settled, no one involved is permitted to talk about the lawsuit or the details of the settlement. This is almost an admission of guilt. Some would argue that it is in fact an admission of guilt. I tend to agree with the latter. In no way am I trying to sway opinions of others. But a lot of this is just not right to me concerning this issue.
The sanctity of the church in many places is becoming more like a corporate business, rather than running on the true foundation of what God intended it to be. Sad, but hard truth. Many people throw around what church they attend like it's a status symbol or a bullet on their resume. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for forward moving and thriving churches. But only in a way that's pleasing in the sight of God. Anyway, let me not digress any further, because that's another topic for another day. My final words will be this. Don't let the aura of a man allow a veil to cover your face so that the truth is not visible. Remember that man is still man, and all man will fall short of the glory of God at one point or another. I just pray that Bishop Eddie Long realizes this and deals, or, has dealt with this accordingly.
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