Being a writer, sometimes you are led to write about controversial topics or issues. A guy whom I look up to who is a public figure (and writer as well) said something via Twitter that has stuck with me. He said: "I do not like the term aspiring writer. If you write, then you are a writer." I take writing and the topics I talk about very seriously. My decision to write about this controversial topic came to me at a moments notice while I was in the middle of writing another piece. I credit my mother with teaching me the importance of having thick skin--something I've also heard that you need to possess being a writer. I will share my view with you in a way that hopefully you'll see as articulate and to the point.
We live in a society that is constantly moving forward in every sense of the word. So much so, that, I feel we have compromised many foundations and morals that I feel are sacred. Let me just go ahead and put it plainly now. I strongly oppose same-sex marriage! And no matter how hard you try, I will not--let me say that again-- I WILL NOT budge in my beliefs regarding same-sex marriage, or, homosexuality as a whole. I realize that me openly voicing this to some of you will not sit well. We all have varying opinions and views, so we're bound to disagree at some point. It takes courage for one to stand firm in their beliefs when society says you should feel another way. Before I go any further, let me say that I do not hate, dislike, or am I homophobic towards gays. Nor do I encourage hate, dislike, bullying, or violence against gays. I will lend my support to a person who is gay getting treated with hate and violence before I stand next to a heterosexual individual who encourages hate and violence towards gays. I have actually formed frienships and bonds with people who are homosexual despite our obvious differences. Here is why I am writing about this now: Last week, New York's state Assembly approved a same-sex marriage bill. It now must go to the Senate to be voted on. I'm sure some of you are saying to yourselves that people should have the right to be with anybody they please. I will agree to disagree with you. Why do I feel so strongly? Simply put, I am a Christian! And if you're a Christian, you should feel exactly as I do. In Leviticus 18:22 the scripture reads: "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." That scripture comes from the New International Version of the Bible. Seems pretty clear cut to me. But if you need more scripture, read Ephesians 5:22-33.
At this point, some people are thinking one of two things: 1) the Bible speaks against more than just homosexuality 2) I'm not big into religion, or, I do not believe in God. To deal with the first point. You get no argument from me concerning what the Bible speaks against. I'm addressing homosexuality/same-sex marriage because it is such a hot topic in society. As for people not believing in God or being big into religion--the Lord is my Savior, and Jesus Christ died for my sins. I will stand true to this even if an army of weapons were pointed at me with the intention to influence me otherwise. I'll leave it at that.
My stance on this issue is slowly but surely becoming unpopular, and is being met with disdain and ire. A few days ago, former New York Giants football player David Tyree (Super Bowl XLII hero), came under scrutiny because of his comments on his opposition of same-sex marriage. He stated that "legalizing same-sex marriage would result in anarchy, and would mark the moment society loses its grip with what's right." Although I think his use of the word anarchy was a bit harsh (which he later admitted as being harsh as well, but still stands behind his statement and beliefs), I still stand and applaud him. Like I stated before, it takes a person with courage to stand firmly in their beliefs. Especially when your view is increasingly becoming unpopular. I feel that many public figures are compromising what they truly believe for the sake of popular opinion. Many (if not all), public figures successes are attributed to how the public views them. This is most notably true with musicians, actors, athletes, and politicians. One wrong statement can cause an entire group to alienate , or, pull back their support for a particular person or cause. Musicians can lose listeners of their music, politicians can lose votes, and athletes can lose endorsement contracts.
Do you remember the comments actor Isaiah Washington made while he was on the show Grey's Anatomy? In short, he called a fellow cast member a "faggot." There's more to the story which he explained on Larry King. I'm sure you can youtube it to see what he said. I don't condone the use of that word to anybody, let alone gays. And because of Washington's use of that word, it cost him greatly. He was fired from an extremely successful show, and his career as an ascending actor took a significant hit.
One thing that absolutely vexes me is for someone to proclaim the word of God, only to look like a hypocrite by the life that they lead. I mean this for the word of God as a whole, not just the issue of homosexuality. I know, and know of people who proclaim the word of God, but, support homosexual lifestyles, or, lead one themselves. I challenge anyone to show me any passage in the Bible where homosexuality, or, the union of same-sex couples is pleasing in the sight of God. My pastor in California, Dr. Claybon Lea Jr. once said in a sermon of his: "People have a way of twisting and turning what the word says to accomodate them and their situations." Speaking of pastors and the church. I harbor disappointment with those who omit preaching about homosexuality because they know that some are in their congregation. Why do some omit this topic in church? My guess is they don't wanna lose members, or, potential members.
Allow me to illustrate to you another way why I feel God in no way shape or form intended for same sex-sex relationships/marriage. Keep an open mind as you read this. It starts with one simple word--procreation. If for some reason men and women were separated without the ability or means to physically contact each other, what do you think would happen to mankind? I'm sure some of you are thinking that would never happen, and if it did, we have the technology to procreate still. Take that out of the equation because that is man-made. I'm talking about procreation in the purest form. If God's intention was for same-sex relationships/marriage to exist, he would've provided both sexes with the ability to carry children and have the ability to provide sperm (the male reproductive cell) alike.
Many will argue that God blessed us with the ability to create ways for same-sex couples to have children. Once again, I'll agree to disagree. Truth is, just because we can do it (whatever it is), or, have the ability to do it, doesn't mean it's pleasing in the sight of God. If you remember in the Book of Genesis, the Lord's heart was filled with pain, and he was saddened that he made man because of his wickedness. So much saddened was the Lord, he decided to wipe mankind from the Earth. All except Noah (whom had favor in the Lord's eyes) and his family. Read Genesis Chapter 6 if you don't believe me.
People have asked me before how would I feel if one, or, both of my sons confessed to me that they're gay. To be honest, I would be extremely hurt and saddened. But they are still my children, and I could never turn my back on them. Nor could I turn my back on any family member or friend who might "come out" to me about their sexual orientation. My life has been far from perfect, and I'm sure I have more mistakes to make. One thing that I've been blessed with though, is quality people in my life who help bring proper perspective. When I have struggled with things in my life, or, was just plainly doing things wrong, certain individuals were placed in my life to encourage me to read the word of God. For every situation we encounter, there is instruction on how to deal with that situation in the word. And I will continue to lean on God's word. I will borrow a line from the movie "Bad Teacher." A young kid was arguing with an adult that Lebron James is better than Michael Jordan. The grown up replied, "call me when Lebron gets six rings." The kid replied, "is that your only argument?" The man then emphatically replied with, "THAT'S ALL THE ARGUMENT I NEED SHAWN!" I say that to say...if you ask me if God's word against same-sex marriage is my only argument, I will reply with: "The Creator of ALL Creators says that it is detestable, and that's all the argument I need."
Now that I have said all of that--I still love you all--homosexual and heterosexual alike. You are all my brothers and sisters even if we have different views or lifestyles. The real question is...do you still love me?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
What Is Inspiring You
I find everyday in this overly saturated pop culture that most people are lacking inspiration that is of true substance. Gone are the days of people who radiated positivity, educational value, social, and economical awareness. In are the times where individuals who promote self-indulgence, arrogance, simplistic minded, and materialistic ways are thought of with high regard and imitated heavily. You have shows like: Basketball Sidepieces (I refuse to call them wives), Braxton Family Values, Mob Wives, any show a Kardashian is apart of, the series of The Real Housewives Of (pick a city), and the list sadly goes on and on. Musicly, people like Gucci Mane has people wanting to get wasted, YC has everybody talking about racks on racks on racks, and Plies has little girls thinking that they're "bust it babies." Lord have mercy! Television and music executives are making a killing and capitalizing on the masses thirst for garbage.
This blog in particular is solely about earthly inspirations. It's about, what are we listening to and watching. More importantly, what are our children listening to and watching. I guarantee you that kids (and some young adults), know more about smoking kush rather than The Kingdom of Kush. If you don't know about it, then I strongly suggest you pick up a book. The motto of "get rich or die trying" resonates much more than "each one teach one." I see way too many people trying to look and act like Lil Wayne rather than someone like Common (keeping it in the form of hip/hop influences). Nothing against Lil Wayne, but if I had to choose who would I rather my two boys be like, it would be Common in a landslide.
As a kid growing up, I had an affinity for Thurgood Marshall. I read about him a lot, and often thought about following in his footsteps in becoming a lawyer. For those who don't know, Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American to be appointed to the Supreme Court. As a lawyer, he was particularly successful arguing before the Supreme Court. He's most notably known for his victory in Brown vs. Board of Education. Enough of the history lesson. If you wanna know more, once again, I strongly suggest that you pick up a book. Get away from the gossip magazines and fictional novels for once.
This topic is truly important to me because it's as if we're satisfied with our lack of substance and culture. So I ask this of you...What is inspiring you? Is it money? Is it material things? Do you want to be known or popular by any means necessary? Don't get me wrong, everyone is influenced by money to a degree. But some folks will literally do ANYTHING for a dollar.
Sometimes I wonder what would Martin Luther King Jr. think of what we've become today. Specifically within the black community. Yes we have come a long way. Many of our people hold degrees and have attained financial wealth beyond imagination. Even with our many advancements in society, there is still yet so much wrong and so much growth to be had. In my view, we took a wrong turn at some point. I cannot pinpoint exactly where it was, but we definitely did. I read a lot about African-American history and about the people who courageously built a strong, rich legacy we should all be proud of. I'm just concerned that we're doing it a severe disservice here in the present.
Now to go back to the music aspect for a second. Even I love to listen to hip/hop. I also love jazz, r&b, gospel, some rock, and I even have appreciation for classical music as well. But with hip/hop (or rap) in particular, since millions are influenced by and listen to it. There are artists out there who promote everything I stated in my opening regarding social awareness, positivity, educational value, and even love. Not too many people wanna hear what their rapping about though. People like: The Roots, Common, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, and Mos Def just to name a few. I respect these artists for sticking to what's not "the norm" in hip/hop. They'd rather put out genuine good music as opposed to talking about delusions of grandeur. You hear the rappers these days with their obnoxious taunts of how many cars, houses, diamonds, and how much money they have. Absolutely nothing of substance! One of my favorite lines in a hip/hop song comes from Lupe Fiasco in the song "I'm Beaming." He says: "Mix Melyssa Ford, with Maya Angelou, become a top model, and Sojourner too." Simple, but it speaks volumes to me. What he is saying to women in particular is, as a woman, you can mix beauty, intelligence, and principle together. There is more to you then just your model looks.
I thank God for my father who was there to teach and guide me. I remember one day as a little kid he asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I replied, "a basketball player." Just as I do, my father absolutely loves sports. So, it was to my surprise when he gave me this look, took a step back and said: "Son, everybody cannot be a basketball player." Needless to say, I was shocked, but, it was the truth. It still is the truth today. Many young men today believe that their only way to a successful life is through athletics, or, be a rapper. I hold nothing against anyone who wants to be either of the two, because I'd rather that than a drug dealer or any other "career type" criminal. But the truth of the matter is, for some (and I do mean a very small percentage), this is a real possibility with hard work and dedication. The problem is, there are millions of you out there with the same exact dream. Now I will never discourage anyone not to pursue their dreams or passions (as long as they're legal). The key is, what sets you apart from the other million and one folk with the same exact dream in which there are only a few slots open. I don't know if you guys have noticed. Foreigners are coming to this country, getting educated and taking our jobs, or, returning to their country to improve their homeland. We are steadily falling behind, even though we have all the tools right here within our own communities. We don't have to travel outside this country to get a decent education.
I challenge us as a whole to inspire great things into our younger generation(s). We need more teachers, project managers, historians, writers, businessmen/women. Mothers, inspire your daughters that she can be more than a model even though she was blessed with beauty. A beautiful mind and heart in my opinion completes the package. Fathers, inspire your sons that it is okay to be a scientist when his peers say that being a rapper is more cool. Our pursuit of the almighty dollar has skewed the vision that our forefathers had for us. It can be corrected, but, it starts with us.
This blog in particular is solely about earthly inspirations. It's about, what are we listening to and watching. More importantly, what are our children listening to and watching. I guarantee you that kids (and some young adults), know more about smoking kush rather than The Kingdom of Kush. If you don't know about it, then I strongly suggest you pick up a book. The motto of "get rich or die trying" resonates much more than "each one teach one." I see way too many people trying to look and act like Lil Wayne rather than someone like Common (keeping it in the form of hip/hop influences). Nothing against Lil Wayne, but if I had to choose who would I rather my two boys be like, it would be Common in a landslide.
As a kid growing up, I had an affinity for Thurgood Marshall. I read about him a lot, and often thought about following in his footsteps in becoming a lawyer. For those who don't know, Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American to be appointed to the Supreme Court. As a lawyer, he was particularly successful arguing before the Supreme Court. He's most notably known for his victory in Brown vs. Board of Education. Enough of the history lesson. If you wanna know more, once again, I strongly suggest that you pick up a book. Get away from the gossip magazines and fictional novels for once.
This topic is truly important to me because it's as if we're satisfied with our lack of substance and culture. So I ask this of you...What is inspiring you? Is it money? Is it material things? Do you want to be known or popular by any means necessary? Don't get me wrong, everyone is influenced by money to a degree. But some folks will literally do ANYTHING for a dollar.
Sometimes I wonder what would Martin Luther King Jr. think of what we've become today. Specifically within the black community. Yes we have come a long way. Many of our people hold degrees and have attained financial wealth beyond imagination. Even with our many advancements in society, there is still yet so much wrong and so much growth to be had. In my view, we took a wrong turn at some point. I cannot pinpoint exactly where it was, but we definitely did. I read a lot about African-American history and about the people who courageously built a strong, rich legacy we should all be proud of. I'm just concerned that we're doing it a severe disservice here in the present.
Now to go back to the music aspect for a second. Even I love to listen to hip/hop. I also love jazz, r&b, gospel, some rock, and I even have appreciation for classical music as well. But with hip/hop (or rap) in particular, since millions are influenced by and listen to it. There are artists out there who promote everything I stated in my opening regarding social awareness, positivity, educational value, and even love. Not too many people wanna hear what their rapping about though. People like: The Roots, Common, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, and Mos Def just to name a few. I respect these artists for sticking to what's not "the norm" in hip/hop. They'd rather put out genuine good music as opposed to talking about delusions of grandeur. You hear the rappers these days with their obnoxious taunts of how many cars, houses, diamonds, and how much money they have. Absolutely nothing of substance! One of my favorite lines in a hip/hop song comes from Lupe Fiasco in the song "I'm Beaming." He says: "Mix Melyssa Ford, with Maya Angelou, become a top model, and Sojourner too." Simple, but it speaks volumes to me. What he is saying to women in particular is, as a woman, you can mix beauty, intelligence, and principle together. There is more to you then just your model looks.
I thank God for my father who was there to teach and guide me. I remember one day as a little kid he asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I replied, "a basketball player." Just as I do, my father absolutely loves sports. So, it was to my surprise when he gave me this look, took a step back and said: "Son, everybody cannot be a basketball player." Needless to say, I was shocked, but, it was the truth. It still is the truth today. Many young men today believe that their only way to a successful life is through athletics, or, be a rapper. I hold nothing against anyone who wants to be either of the two, because I'd rather that than a drug dealer or any other "career type" criminal. But the truth of the matter is, for some (and I do mean a very small percentage), this is a real possibility with hard work and dedication. The problem is, there are millions of you out there with the same exact dream. Now I will never discourage anyone not to pursue their dreams or passions (as long as they're legal). The key is, what sets you apart from the other million and one folk with the same exact dream in which there are only a few slots open. I don't know if you guys have noticed. Foreigners are coming to this country, getting educated and taking our jobs, or, returning to their country to improve their homeland. We are steadily falling behind, even though we have all the tools right here within our own communities. We don't have to travel outside this country to get a decent education.
I challenge us as a whole to inspire great things into our younger generation(s). We need more teachers, project managers, historians, writers, businessmen/women. Mothers, inspire your daughters that she can be more than a model even though she was blessed with beauty. A beautiful mind and heart in my opinion completes the package. Fathers, inspire your sons that it is okay to be a scientist when his peers say that being a rapper is more cool. Our pursuit of the almighty dollar has skewed the vision that our forefathers had for us. It can be corrected, but, it starts with us.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Communication IS The Key
I'm sure that most of you know by now that I am recently divorced. Either because you're close to me, picked it up through my writing, or, we have formed some sort of contact. So the issue of divorce is very near and dear to my heart. Especially when it comes to black families. The rate of divorce among black couples is staggering. So staggering, that I don't even wanna throw the percentages out there that I've seen in some of my readings regarding this particular subject matter. When I think about divorce, I think about the deadly disease that ravages the human body called cancer. Why do I parallel the two? Either: 1) you have been through a divorce or going through a divorce 2) you know someone who is divorced or going through a divorce 3) you, or someone you know is strongly considering it. One way or another, you have been affected by it directly or indirectly. The same can be said about cancer.
I had already picked this as my next topic to write about when I coincidentally came across a friend from High School Facebook post. She asked what was the number one cause of breakup in marriages. I thought to myself, "wow, that's my next topic!" So I commented that I was writing about that. I'm sure most of you know that once you comment, you start getting the notifications once other people comment as well. The very first comment was sex. There were a few more comments after that. One of them stated money as well (which I don't necessarily disagree with). But I was surprised that none of the women who commented didn't say what I hear a lot of women in particular complain about not having. Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION! It was clear to me that I needed to write about this. Not because I'm this huge expert about divorce and communication. But I was married for seven years and have gained knowledge on what it takes for a marriage to survive and thrive. So when you read this, don't take it as me feeding you pointless propaganda. We all have the ability to form our own opinions and ideas. I'm just sharing mine with you.
To go on the record, I do believe that communication, or, the lack of communication is the number one cause of breakups of marriage in particular. If you ask me, it goes in this order: 1) communication 2) money. Now, I will not be naive enough to not think that there haven't been divorces because of sex. I will say this though. If your marriage/relationship is surviving because of sex, then there is a serious lack of prioritization on what a relationship should be built on. And if you're marrying someone just because the sex is good, then I say that you're truly misguided and making the poorest decision of your life. I do believe that sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, and it should be great. It's just that the mature 31 year old me knows that sex doesn't, and SHOULD NOT keep a marriage together. PERIOD!
Let me get into why I feel strongly about communication being key in a marriage. I believe that if you truly took the time to assess what's important in your relationship, you would find that after God (in my opinion), communication is next in line. Problems developed during the course of a marriage is a byproduct of bad or non existent communication. Communication affects trust issues, money issues, and even intimacy. You cannot put a price on what the ability to talk effectively to your mate has. When you have an argument or disagreement is this most prevalent. I don't care how good your sex is, you're gonna have disagreements to put it lightly. So in retrospect, sex will not make it better. Let me let the fellas in on a little secret that they may not know already. Once you have an argument with your wife, you MUST resolve whatever the issue is with her through effective dialogue before you become intimate with her again. Men tend to think that sex is the cure-all for any problem that arises. WRONG! I don't care if you can make stars appear in the room (fellas) during intimacy. If you and your wife have an unresolved problem, she will think about it during, and most certainly after the intimacy. If you think I'm wrong, ask any woman. Key word being woman. Take it from a person who has had trouble communicating all his life (me). But thank God for growth.
Let me give a few examples of how bad communication can negatively affect a marriage. Let's say you and your spouse have a joint account which is your primary account. Say one of you is the one who mainly takes care of the account. Paying bills, authorizing transactions, balancing the checkbook etc. If the person who is not the one who manages the account is spending and not providing receipts or communicating on what they've spent will cause issues. And if it's done repeatedly, it will become a full blown problem. You can cause overdrafts, or give the impression that there's more money in the account then what there really is. This also can be done in reverse by the person who primarily maintains the account. They can cause problems if they're not communicating as well. I realize that a lot of people today maintain separate accounts, but a lot of couples still use the joint account method as well. Some tend to think that money issues are just one person bearing the responsibility of making the money that comes into that household. Sometimes it goes deeper then that.
One more example I will give would be this. Let's say that your husband is going to have a night out with the fellas. Ladies, you think your man is going to a game with his friends then to have a few drinks afterwards. After all, this is what he told you right? Let's say he tells you that he'll be home between 11:00 and 12:00 midnight. Well, the truth is that he and the fellas went to a strip club in another city causing him to make it home at about 4:00a.m. instead. Not only is this bad communication, it's flat out lying. As a result, you now have a woman with trust issues which is never good. A reason why once I got married I stayed my ass home! I won't go into any examples regarding how it affects intimacy because my mother is gonna read this. So I'm moving on!
In evaluating my own failed attempt at marriage. I realize that once the communication became iffy, so did the marriage as a whole. I was told by several smart people that marriage requires work everyday that it is in existence. I couldn't agree more! I guess in some small way I'm talking directly to the men. Women are typically better communicators than men. So please work on your communication. I promise you that you give your marriage/relationship a better chance at longevity and prosperity if you do!
I had already picked this as my next topic to write about when I coincidentally came across a friend from High School Facebook post. She asked what was the number one cause of breakup in marriages. I thought to myself, "wow, that's my next topic!" So I commented that I was writing about that. I'm sure most of you know that once you comment, you start getting the notifications once other people comment as well. The very first comment was sex. There were a few more comments after that. One of them stated money as well (which I don't necessarily disagree with). But I was surprised that none of the women who commented didn't say what I hear a lot of women in particular complain about not having. Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION! It was clear to me that I needed to write about this. Not because I'm this huge expert about divorce and communication. But I was married for seven years and have gained knowledge on what it takes for a marriage to survive and thrive. So when you read this, don't take it as me feeding you pointless propaganda. We all have the ability to form our own opinions and ideas. I'm just sharing mine with you.
To go on the record, I do believe that communication, or, the lack of communication is the number one cause of breakups of marriage in particular. If you ask me, it goes in this order: 1) communication 2) money. Now, I will not be naive enough to not think that there haven't been divorces because of sex. I will say this though. If your marriage/relationship is surviving because of sex, then there is a serious lack of prioritization on what a relationship should be built on. And if you're marrying someone just because the sex is good, then I say that you're truly misguided and making the poorest decision of your life. I do believe that sex is a wonderful part of a marriage, and it should be great. It's just that the mature 31 year old me knows that sex doesn't, and SHOULD NOT keep a marriage together. PERIOD!
Let me get into why I feel strongly about communication being key in a marriage. I believe that if you truly took the time to assess what's important in your relationship, you would find that after God (in my opinion), communication is next in line. Problems developed during the course of a marriage is a byproduct of bad or non existent communication. Communication affects trust issues, money issues, and even intimacy. You cannot put a price on what the ability to talk effectively to your mate has. When you have an argument or disagreement is this most prevalent. I don't care how good your sex is, you're gonna have disagreements to put it lightly. So in retrospect, sex will not make it better. Let me let the fellas in on a little secret that they may not know already. Once you have an argument with your wife, you MUST resolve whatever the issue is with her through effective dialogue before you become intimate with her again. Men tend to think that sex is the cure-all for any problem that arises. WRONG! I don't care if you can make stars appear in the room (fellas) during intimacy. If you and your wife have an unresolved problem, she will think about it during, and most certainly after the intimacy. If you think I'm wrong, ask any woman. Key word being woman. Take it from a person who has had trouble communicating all his life (me). But thank God for growth.
Let me give a few examples of how bad communication can negatively affect a marriage. Let's say you and your spouse have a joint account which is your primary account. Say one of you is the one who mainly takes care of the account. Paying bills, authorizing transactions, balancing the checkbook etc. If the person who is not the one who manages the account is spending and not providing receipts or communicating on what they've spent will cause issues. And if it's done repeatedly, it will become a full blown problem. You can cause overdrafts, or give the impression that there's more money in the account then what there really is. This also can be done in reverse by the person who primarily maintains the account. They can cause problems if they're not communicating as well. I realize that a lot of people today maintain separate accounts, but a lot of couples still use the joint account method as well. Some tend to think that money issues are just one person bearing the responsibility of making the money that comes into that household. Sometimes it goes deeper then that.
One more example I will give would be this. Let's say that your husband is going to have a night out with the fellas. Ladies, you think your man is going to a game with his friends then to have a few drinks afterwards. After all, this is what he told you right? Let's say he tells you that he'll be home between 11:00 and 12:00 midnight. Well, the truth is that he and the fellas went to a strip club in another city causing him to make it home at about 4:00a.m. instead. Not only is this bad communication, it's flat out lying. As a result, you now have a woman with trust issues which is never good. A reason why once I got married I stayed my ass home! I won't go into any examples regarding how it affects intimacy because my mother is gonna read this. So I'm moving on!
In evaluating my own failed attempt at marriage. I realize that once the communication became iffy, so did the marriage as a whole. I was told by several smart people that marriage requires work everyday that it is in existence. I couldn't agree more! I guess in some small way I'm talking directly to the men. Women are typically better communicators than men. So please work on your communication. I promise you that you give your marriage/relationship a better chance at longevity and prosperity if you do!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Journey Only God Could Walk Me Through: My Year In Iraq
The things that you're about to read regarding my time in Iraq is in no way shape or form to portray myself as a hero or something. When thinking about what my next blog would be, I realized that no one really knows some of the experiences that I had in Iraq. Not even my closest family members including my mother and father. But most importantly, I feel my greater intention is to provide you with my testimony on how God brought me through that year in Iraq.
January 9, 2005 I woke up that morning and began the process of putting my BDU's on (Battle Dress Uniform). Of course I had done this hundreds of times before, but today I was preparing to go off to war. My mother and father had come from Louisiana to see me off. I remember coming out of my room and seeing them both crying. I knew then that the realization had set in for them that this was in fact real, and that their son was indeed going off to serve the country. When I saw them with tears on their faces, all I could repeat to myself was "Lord give me strength." We prayed together, then prepared to make our way to my unit. At the time, I was married and my oldest son Jayden was a healthy four month old baby. I kept wondering why did I have to go. A question I asked God daily upon me me leaving. I didn't want to leave my family, but, when I signed up to be a soldier, I knew that this day would be a possibility. The last thing I remember from that day was the moment it was time for me to go. When I went to hug my mother I started to cry. I remember uttering these words to her: "Make sure that if they ever need anything, please do your best to take care of them (referring to my wife and child)."
When deploying to Iraq, your first stop is to Kuwait. While there, you and your unit go through in-processing, a lot of briefings, training, and setting up to prepare for your push to Iraq. One thing that was a big issue, was the issue of armored vehicles. We didn't have any, and frankly I didn't want to go anywhere without one. We received about two armored vehicles, and it's safe to say that my pay grade ensured that I wasn't entitled to one. So to balance it out, I guess, we had to insert these half inch metal sheets in between our doors. Us being naive, we felt some sort of protection. But knowing what I know now, I realize that we could've walked up there butt naked and we would've had the same protection as that sheet of metal provided us with.
It took us a few days to push to our final destination in Iraq, which is always the case when you're moving tactically in military vehicles. It went rather smoothly until one of our younger soldiers fell asleep at the wheel and a tricky maneuver was coming up. The gunner in that truck noticed at the last second, but, it was too late. They crashed and all three were trapped inside. We had to halt and assume security positions while we also tried to rescue our guys. I specifically remember laying in the sand with my M-16 rifle in a combat position thinking to myself "God, what am I doing here?" We got our guys out and they were airlifted away to safety. By the grace of God, they made it and met back up with us in Iraq. I got a taste on my first official night in Iraq of what I would face for the next year.
My unit was based at LSA Anaconda in Balad, Iraq. It's just outside of Tikrit, the home of the notorious Saddam Hussein. Right after we made it to Anaconda, my NCOIC (Non Commisioned Officer In Charge) and myself decided to go to the chow hall to get something to eat. It was late and we were tired, but we were extremely hungry. Upon leaving and walking to our vehicle, a loud boom and explosion occurred very close to us. We ran like hell to our vehicle and sped off. In theory, that wasn't the smartest thing to do. We really should've made it to the closest bunker instead. As we drove away, I thought to myself that this was going to be a long year.
One thing you think about when you think of Iraq is the heat. And trust me when I tell you that it's real and unforgiving. Iraq has just two seasons, summer and winter. When it's hot, it's extremely hot. When it's cold, it's freezing. It rains a lot during the winter, so you can just imagine how messy it gets when rain hits sand. Especially sand that is comparable to baby powder.
Aside from missing my family, adjusting to life on Anaconda went pretty well. After all, we had: Popeyes, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway, several gyms, laundry service, a movie theater, shopping, and a Green Beans Coffee Shop. Living on Anaconda was a blessing and a curse though. We had to deal with rocket and mortar attacks on a daily basis. We had fighter jets, cargo planes, helicopters, and our most important asset, US! So the enemy tried desperately each day to hit something. Sometimes they actually got lucky. They even hit a building right across the street from my shop leaving a huge hole in the roof. The irony of it was that we ended up servicing the National Guard soldiers vehicles that caught the guys who were responsible for that particular attack. While they were waiting on their vehicles, one of the soldiers said to me. "We got the bastards that did that (pointing to the hole in the roof)!" When I asked how did they know, he broke out a laptop. We all gathered around like some school kids. While performing a raid, they found a woman who was trying to hide a camera. Not only was she hiding the camera, she was hiding insurgents too. They took all the people into custody. On the footage that these troops were showing us, showed a familiar attack and a familiar building. It was that building right across the street. They had indeed filmed attacks they had performed including the one that hit the building right across from us.
Other than leaving Iraq for good, the other thing to look forward to was taking your two week leave and going back to the states. I had chosen to go home in August, because my wife was graduating from School, and my little man Jayden was turning one all in the same week. They had went to California while I was gone to stay with her grandparents. My mom, dad, and brother would come out to visit as well. When I landed in Dallas, TX I was treated like a true hero. It was amazing how much love and support I got from those people. There was a huge crowd there to greet us, which made me felt like I was a rock star, or, a politician running for President. I got first class treatment beyond my imagination. They bumped my flight up, ushered me to the front of the security check point amid a round of applause, and even upgraded me to first class for my flight to San Francisco. My trip was good because I got to spend time with my family, and I enjoyed every second of it. Before it was time for me to go back to Iraq, and my parents to go back to Louisiana, my father said to me, "well, it looks like we might have to pick up and go once we get home because a hurricane might be coming our way." I didn't think too much of it, because coming from Louisiana (New Orleans area in particular) we always get threats of hurricanes, but nothing usually comes our way. I guess this hurricane named Katrina had other ideas.
This time when I left my family I was literally depressed. On my way back to my first stop to Kuwait, I didn't want to be bothered at all! I took the blanket and put it over my head, put my iPod on, and basically slept the whole way back. I didn't even eat one meal. When I got back to Kuwait, I couldn't get access to a phone or computer for about two days. When I finally did, I called my wife and she had informed me about the hurricane hitting New Orleans. After hanging up with her, I tried to call my parents. Of course you probably know that I couldn't get through. I went to a computer, turned it on, and the first image that popped up broke my heart. It was the Superdome with the roof gone and water surrounding it. I immediately began to weep. I knew that this was terrible of epic proportions.
I made it back to Iraq a couple days after this, but, I surely didn't want to be there now. When I got back, everyone kept telling me about the hurricane and asking me if my family was alright. I didn't really know until I received an email from my mom stating that everyone was fine and that they were in Lake Charles, LA. We watched all the news coverage about Katrina and it's aftermath. After awhile I just couldn't take it anymore. On a particular day I was in the chow hall with a friend of mine and of course on the t.v. was the coverage of Katrina. They were showing the looting in particular when this civilian trucker said out loud, and I quote: "they just need to shoot all of them bastards!" NO HE DIDN'T! I think I went unconscious. I went off on that dude so bad that my friend had to take me out. All I remember was starting with, "how dare your ignorant ass talk about my hometown and my people like that!" Everything else after that was a blur. At this moment I was really ready to leave. The city that I was so proud to be from was in desperate need. I felt like how can I be here when it's clear that my own people need me back home. The last straw came when me and some other soldiers tried to set up an account to get funds to be sent home for relief efforts. We were told no because of some bogus reason (which to this day I'm still salty about). If you remember, the tsunami in Indonesia had happened around that time as well, and they were taking up donations for it. You talking about a mad somebody (me)! My focus was gone and I needed to get it back.
One morning after PT (physical training), I was going from my room to the latrine (bathroom) to shower when I heard this whistling noise directly over my head then a crash in the gravel nearby. It was a mortar round that had landed about 50ft away from me but did not explode. The rush of adrenaline that I felt at that moment was palpable. I immediately ran to the nearest bunker and thanked God over and over. I knew that if it had exploded that I would've died or been severely hurt. I don't know about you, but I wanna get up and shout just because the Lord was my protector! This was a moment God showed me that even though I was in the most dangerous place in the world, he was going to navigate me through it in his hands. I thank him every single day for that! Another near miss moment came when my roommate and I had walked out of the PX (military version of Target or Walmart), and ten minutes later the PX was hit with a rocket killing three people. Once again, God was looking over his son. Thank you Jesus!
Another dangerous task was having to go out on convoys. I was my Platoon Leader's driver, so when he went, I went. Anytime I was informed about an upcoming convoy that I was to be apart of, I would literally be scared to death to the point I was shaking. If you know anything about the war in Iraq, you know that a lot of soldiers lose their lives on convoys. Your most dangerous enemy is IED's and VBIED's. An IED is an improvised explosive device rigged with a timer or device controlled by someone nearby. Once a convoy passes, that person will trigger the IED causing it to explode. A VBIED is a vehicle born improvised explosive device. Meaning that a suicide bomber packs a car full of explosives and drives that car into a convoy detonating it. It's scary because most of the time you can't see it coming.
On the mornings that we would leave on convoys, I developed a routine that I had to do every time. After our leadership briefed us, I would go sit in my vehicle by myself. I would take out the pictures of my wife and son and kiss them. Then I would close my eyes and pray. The awesome thing was, once I finished praying and re-opened my eyes, the scared feeling was completely gone! No more shaking, no more butterflies. I did this before every convoy. It's almost as if God said to me, "there's nothing to be afraid of my child." I would be cool, calm, and collected. And every time I went on a convoy we were hit with an IED. But to God be the glory, we ALL made it home!
I know this was long, and actually there's more to tell. I just wanted to share this with you to possibly inspire you. No matter what adversity you may face, remember that God has the final say. But I know I made it not just because of my own prayers. I know that I had a praying mother who prayed for me everyday. I know that my family and friend's prayed for my safe return as well. Speaking of my return. You must hear about it in closing.
I knew when I was coming home, but my wife kept telling me not to tell my parents. She came up with every reason for me not to tell. I have to tell you that it was the hardest thing not to do. My mother was becoming anxious about my return home and would constantly ask when I was coming back. When I landed back in Savannah, GA I called my wife and said that I made it and that I wanted to call my parents. She begged me emphatically not to. It was such a happy moment once I reunited with my family. Jayden was getting so big and I was just happy to hold him in my arms. We made our way back to the house so I could get out of my uniform and get comfortable. Once we got around the corner from our house, my wife put my son's blanket over my head. I was like, "what the hell are you doing?" Once we got inside, she screamed "Ms. Wendy!" I couldn't move! I just stood in the hallway shocked. My mom came out and saw me and started to scream "Craig is here!" My dad and brother came out then, and we all hugged and shed tears of joy. I didn't know that they were there, and they didn't know that I was coming home. To this day, other than seeing my babies born, that was the most happiest and joyous moment of my life! Oh yeah, I didn't mention that this happened on Christmas Eve 2005. God is good!
January 9, 2005 I woke up that morning and began the process of putting my BDU's on (Battle Dress Uniform). Of course I had done this hundreds of times before, but today I was preparing to go off to war. My mother and father had come from Louisiana to see me off. I remember coming out of my room and seeing them both crying. I knew then that the realization had set in for them that this was in fact real, and that their son was indeed going off to serve the country. When I saw them with tears on their faces, all I could repeat to myself was "Lord give me strength." We prayed together, then prepared to make our way to my unit. At the time, I was married and my oldest son Jayden was a healthy four month old baby. I kept wondering why did I have to go. A question I asked God daily upon me me leaving. I didn't want to leave my family, but, when I signed up to be a soldier, I knew that this day would be a possibility. The last thing I remember from that day was the moment it was time for me to go. When I went to hug my mother I started to cry. I remember uttering these words to her: "Make sure that if they ever need anything, please do your best to take care of them (referring to my wife and child)."
When deploying to Iraq, your first stop is to Kuwait. While there, you and your unit go through in-processing, a lot of briefings, training, and setting up to prepare for your push to Iraq. One thing that was a big issue, was the issue of armored vehicles. We didn't have any, and frankly I didn't want to go anywhere without one. We received about two armored vehicles, and it's safe to say that my pay grade ensured that I wasn't entitled to one. So to balance it out, I guess, we had to insert these half inch metal sheets in between our doors. Us being naive, we felt some sort of protection. But knowing what I know now, I realize that we could've walked up there butt naked and we would've had the same protection as that sheet of metal provided us with.
It took us a few days to push to our final destination in Iraq, which is always the case when you're moving tactically in military vehicles. It went rather smoothly until one of our younger soldiers fell asleep at the wheel and a tricky maneuver was coming up. The gunner in that truck noticed at the last second, but, it was too late. They crashed and all three were trapped inside. We had to halt and assume security positions while we also tried to rescue our guys. I specifically remember laying in the sand with my M-16 rifle in a combat position thinking to myself "God, what am I doing here?" We got our guys out and they were airlifted away to safety. By the grace of God, they made it and met back up with us in Iraq. I got a taste on my first official night in Iraq of what I would face for the next year.
My unit was based at LSA Anaconda in Balad, Iraq. It's just outside of Tikrit, the home of the notorious Saddam Hussein. Right after we made it to Anaconda, my NCOIC (Non Commisioned Officer In Charge) and myself decided to go to the chow hall to get something to eat. It was late and we were tired, but we were extremely hungry. Upon leaving and walking to our vehicle, a loud boom and explosion occurred very close to us. We ran like hell to our vehicle and sped off. In theory, that wasn't the smartest thing to do. We really should've made it to the closest bunker instead. As we drove away, I thought to myself that this was going to be a long year.
One thing you think about when you think of Iraq is the heat. And trust me when I tell you that it's real and unforgiving. Iraq has just two seasons, summer and winter. When it's hot, it's extremely hot. When it's cold, it's freezing. It rains a lot during the winter, so you can just imagine how messy it gets when rain hits sand. Especially sand that is comparable to baby powder.
Aside from missing my family, adjusting to life on Anaconda went pretty well. After all, we had: Popeyes, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway, several gyms, laundry service, a movie theater, shopping, and a Green Beans Coffee Shop. Living on Anaconda was a blessing and a curse though. We had to deal with rocket and mortar attacks on a daily basis. We had fighter jets, cargo planes, helicopters, and our most important asset, US! So the enemy tried desperately each day to hit something. Sometimes they actually got lucky. They even hit a building right across the street from my shop leaving a huge hole in the roof. The irony of it was that we ended up servicing the National Guard soldiers vehicles that caught the guys who were responsible for that particular attack. While they were waiting on their vehicles, one of the soldiers said to me. "We got the bastards that did that (pointing to the hole in the roof)!" When I asked how did they know, he broke out a laptop. We all gathered around like some school kids. While performing a raid, they found a woman who was trying to hide a camera. Not only was she hiding the camera, she was hiding insurgents too. They took all the people into custody. On the footage that these troops were showing us, showed a familiar attack and a familiar building. It was that building right across the street. They had indeed filmed attacks they had performed including the one that hit the building right across from us.
Other than leaving Iraq for good, the other thing to look forward to was taking your two week leave and going back to the states. I had chosen to go home in August, because my wife was graduating from School, and my little man Jayden was turning one all in the same week. They had went to California while I was gone to stay with her grandparents. My mom, dad, and brother would come out to visit as well. When I landed in Dallas, TX I was treated like a true hero. It was amazing how much love and support I got from those people. There was a huge crowd there to greet us, which made me felt like I was a rock star, or, a politician running for President. I got first class treatment beyond my imagination. They bumped my flight up, ushered me to the front of the security check point amid a round of applause, and even upgraded me to first class for my flight to San Francisco. My trip was good because I got to spend time with my family, and I enjoyed every second of it. Before it was time for me to go back to Iraq, and my parents to go back to Louisiana, my father said to me, "well, it looks like we might have to pick up and go once we get home because a hurricane might be coming our way." I didn't think too much of it, because coming from Louisiana (New Orleans area in particular) we always get threats of hurricanes, but nothing usually comes our way. I guess this hurricane named Katrina had other ideas.
This time when I left my family I was literally depressed. On my way back to my first stop to Kuwait, I didn't want to be bothered at all! I took the blanket and put it over my head, put my iPod on, and basically slept the whole way back. I didn't even eat one meal. When I got back to Kuwait, I couldn't get access to a phone or computer for about two days. When I finally did, I called my wife and she had informed me about the hurricane hitting New Orleans. After hanging up with her, I tried to call my parents. Of course you probably know that I couldn't get through. I went to a computer, turned it on, and the first image that popped up broke my heart. It was the Superdome with the roof gone and water surrounding it. I immediately began to weep. I knew that this was terrible of epic proportions.
I made it back to Iraq a couple days after this, but, I surely didn't want to be there now. When I got back, everyone kept telling me about the hurricane and asking me if my family was alright. I didn't really know until I received an email from my mom stating that everyone was fine and that they were in Lake Charles, LA. We watched all the news coverage about Katrina and it's aftermath. After awhile I just couldn't take it anymore. On a particular day I was in the chow hall with a friend of mine and of course on the t.v. was the coverage of Katrina. They were showing the looting in particular when this civilian trucker said out loud, and I quote: "they just need to shoot all of them bastards!" NO HE DIDN'T! I think I went unconscious. I went off on that dude so bad that my friend had to take me out. All I remember was starting with, "how dare your ignorant ass talk about my hometown and my people like that!" Everything else after that was a blur. At this moment I was really ready to leave. The city that I was so proud to be from was in desperate need. I felt like how can I be here when it's clear that my own people need me back home. The last straw came when me and some other soldiers tried to set up an account to get funds to be sent home for relief efforts. We were told no because of some bogus reason (which to this day I'm still salty about). If you remember, the tsunami in Indonesia had happened around that time as well, and they were taking up donations for it. You talking about a mad somebody (me)! My focus was gone and I needed to get it back.
One morning after PT (physical training), I was going from my room to the latrine (bathroom) to shower when I heard this whistling noise directly over my head then a crash in the gravel nearby. It was a mortar round that had landed about 50ft away from me but did not explode. The rush of adrenaline that I felt at that moment was palpable. I immediately ran to the nearest bunker and thanked God over and over. I knew that if it had exploded that I would've died or been severely hurt. I don't know about you, but I wanna get up and shout just because the Lord was my protector! This was a moment God showed me that even though I was in the most dangerous place in the world, he was going to navigate me through it in his hands. I thank him every single day for that! Another near miss moment came when my roommate and I had walked out of the PX (military version of Target or Walmart), and ten minutes later the PX was hit with a rocket killing three people. Once again, God was looking over his son. Thank you Jesus!
Another dangerous task was having to go out on convoys. I was my Platoon Leader's driver, so when he went, I went. Anytime I was informed about an upcoming convoy that I was to be apart of, I would literally be scared to death to the point I was shaking. If you know anything about the war in Iraq, you know that a lot of soldiers lose their lives on convoys. Your most dangerous enemy is IED's and VBIED's. An IED is an improvised explosive device rigged with a timer or device controlled by someone nearby. Once a convoy passes, that person will trigger the IED causing it to explode. A VBIED is a vehicle born improvised explosive device. Meaning that a suicide bomber packs a car full of explosives and drives that car into a convoy detonating it. It's scary because most of the time you can't see it coming.
On the mornings that we would leave on convoys, I developed a routine that I had to do every time. After our leadership briefed us, I would go sit in my vehicle by myself. I would take out the pictures of my wife and son and kiss them. Then I would close my eyes and pray. The awesome thing was, once I finished praying and re-opened my eyes, the scared feeling was completely gone! No more shaking, no more butterflies. I did this before every convoy. It's almost as if God said to me, "there's nothing to be afraid of my child." I would be cool, calm, and collected. And every time I went on a convoy we were hit with an IED. But to God be the glory, we ALL made it home!
I know this was long, and actually there's more to tell. I just wanted to share this with you to possibly inspire you. No matter what adversity you may face, remember that God has the final say. But I know I made it not just because of my own prayers. I know that I had a praying mother who prayed for me everyday. I know that my family and friend's prayed for my safe return as well. Speaking of my return. You must hear about it in closing.
I knew when I was coming home, but my wife kept telling me not to tell my parents. She came up with every reason for me not to tell. I have to tell you that it was the hardest thing not to do. My mother was becoming anxious about my return home and would constantly ask when I was coming back. When I landed back in Savannah, GA I called my wife and said that I made it and that I wanted to call my parents. She begged me emphatically not to. It was such a happy moment once I reunited with my family. Jayden was getting so big and I was just happy to hold him in my arms. We made our way back to the house so I could get out of my uniform and get comfortable. Once we got around the corner from our house, my wife put my son's blanket over my head. I was like, "what the hell are you doing?" Once we got inside, she screamed "Ms. Wendy!" I couldn't move! I just stood in the hallway shocked. My mom came out and saw me and started to scream "Craig is here!" My dad and brother came out then, and we all hugged and shed tears of joy. I didn't know that they were there, and they didn't know that I was coming home. To this day, other than seeing my babies born, that was the most happiest and joyous moment of my life! Oh yeah, I didn't mention that this happened on Christmas Eve 2005. God is good!
Friday, June 3, 2011
We See You Ms. Independent: Say It Proud But Not Too Damn Loud
It's been said many times before, and I'm going to reiterate it now. There is nothing like the wrath of a woman scorned. Treat a woman wrong, or, get on her bad side and she can become cold, distant, and sometimes downright vicious. Even with this quality, I will forever love the ladies and sometimes the ladies love me (this would be the moment where I insert lol). So with that said, I will do my best to err on the side of caution, but, keep it real at the same time. Now that I've got that out of the way. Let's go!
The meteoric rise of all women across the world is not only admirable, it's inspiring as well. Women have overcome sexism, racism among other obstacles to get to where they're at today. Women have turned the corner from solely being homemakers and caregivers, to becoming successful business owners, CEO's of companies, top executives, judges, and the list goes on. With the talents and the guidance God has blessed them with, these things are attainable. Not to mention some hard work as well. Some even have the stressful task of taking care of a family at the same time. Then you have the woman with no kids, no man, and certainly doesn't need the help of one. I respect all of you ladies for your hard work and independence. I stand and applaud you all! Why wouldn't I? I come from a family full of independent women, married and single.
I'm sure the fellas whom are reading this are saying to themselves, "ok Craig, get it in already!" Here is where my disconnect comes with just a few of you "Ms. Independent's" out there. The constant need for some of you to constantly jump on an imaginary bullhorn to proclaim to the world that you're independent has become monotonous. When you're out there "doing your thang" being a mover and shaker, trust when I tell you that people notice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your independence. Just don't constantly beat the world over the head with that "I'm independent stick." I'm sure many of you just like me see or hear it all the time. Whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, or, in the "street." I'm tired of logging onto Facebook and constantly seeing a repeat of this: "I don't need no man," or, "I got what I got on my own!" Then there's your classic line of, "men ain't shit!" REALLY! This usually comes from the woman who is in the club every week looking for love in all the wrong places. It kills me when some women slander a whole group (men) because of the few experiences that they've encountered. I know my fair share of men and women who aren't about anything. It's applicable to the few who are deserving of it. Trust me, it goes both ways, but, I would never generalize an entire group because of whatever it is that I've been through.
If you remember, I stated earlier that I come from a family full of independent women. Some of the profession's by the women in my family include: business owner, bank executive, retired educator, employee of the government, executive in the fast food industry, health care worker, and my own mother is a Human Resources Manager. We also have future designers and pharmacists on the horizon from the younger generation of women in my family. Yet, I have once to hear any of these hardworking women get on a soap box and proclaim what they can do without the help of a man, or anybody for that matter. Why would they have to? To me it's obvious that they can accomplish anything that they want to.
At this point I'm probably getting a couple witnesses from the ladies while the rest of you are probably giving me the side eye. I'm fine with that because ultimately I know that my intention is to give credit to those who are only to be noticed because people genuinely notice you and admire you. Not because you self promote yourself as "Ms. Independent." To be honest, I and to men like me do not find your self promotion sexy at all! Now I'm speaking for myself when I say this: I don't care if you're Stacey Dash pretty and Beyonce fine, I will run like hell if you start talking all that foolishness around me. Speaking of Beyonce, I'm pretty sure that Jay-Z realizes that there's nothing he can do that Beyonce can't do for herself. So whenever they have a marital spat (trust me, even they have them too), the line "negro I don't need you (most likely said another way)!" Is a complete waste of time and breath.
Let me also put it out there that I realize that there are men out there who can't handle independent women. Most of them can't because of these three main reasons: 1) he can't handle her opinionated ways 2) he can't handle her success and how much money she makes 3) he has a primitive way of thinking. When you encounter this type of man, just keep it moving because it's highly unlikely that the two of you will ever be on the same accord.
I pray that more women become independent by the day because let's face it, it's the year 2011. I pray that men are able to push egos aside and accept the fact that women are moving at a rapid pace. Also, let me say that just because you can get your nails and hair done by yourself doesn't make you independent. And I don't care what Drake says, it damn sure doesn't mean that you're fancy! It takes a little bit more then that.
The meteoric rise of all women across the world is not only admirable, it's inspiring as well. Women have overcome sexism, racism among other obstacles to get to where they're at today. Women have turned the corner from solely being homemakers and caregivers, to becoming successful business owners, CEO's of companies, top executives, judges, and the list goes on. With the talents and the guidance God has blessed them with, these things are attainable. Not to mention some hard work as well. Some even have the stressful task of taking care of a family at the same time. Then you have the woman with no kids, no man, and certainly doesn't need the help of one. I respect all of you ladies for your hard work and independence. I stand and applaud you all! Why wouldn't I? I come from a family full of independent women, married and single.
I'm sure the fellas whom are reading this are saying to themselves, "ok Craig, get it in already!" Here is where my disconnect comes with just a few of you "Ms. Independent's" out there. The constant need for some of you to constantly jump on an imaginary bullhorn to proclaim to the world that you're independent has become monotonous. When you're out there "doing your thang" being a mover and shaker, trust when I tell you that people notice. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your independence. Just don't constantly beat the world over the head with that "I'm independent stick." I'm sure many of you just like me see or hear it all the time. Whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, or, in the "street." I'm tired of logging onto Facebook and constantly seeing a repeat of this: "I don't need no man," or, "I got what I got on my own!" Then there's your classic line of, "men ain't shit!" REALLY! This usually comes from the woman who is in the club every week looking for love in all the wrong places. It kills me when some women slander a whole group (men) because of the few experiences that they've encountered. I know my fair share of men and women who aren't about anything. It's applicable to the few who are deserving of it. Trust me, it goes both ways, but, I would never generalize an entire group because of whatever it is that I've been through.
If you remember, I stated earlier that I come from a family full of independent women. Some of the profession's by the women in my family include: business owner, bank executive, retired educator, employee of the government, executive in the fast food industry, health care worker, and my own mother is a Human Resources Manager. We also have future designers and pharmacists on the horizon from the younger generation of women in my family. Yet, I have once to hear any of these hardworking women get on a soap box and proclaim what they can do without the help of a man, or anybody for that matter. Why would they have to? To me it's obvious that they can accomplish anything that they want to.
At this point I'm probably getting a couple witnesses from the ladies while the rest of you are probably giving me the side eye. I'm fine with that because ultimately I know that my intention is to give credit to those who are only to be noticed because people genuinely notice you and admire you. Not because you self promote yourself as "Ms. Independent." To be honest, I and to men like me do not find your self promotion sexy at all! Now I'm speaking for myself when I say this: I don't care if you're Stacey Dash pretty and Beyonce fine, I will run like hell if you start talking all that foolishness around me. Speaking of Beyonce, I'm pretty sure that Jay-Z realizes that there's nothing he can do that Beyonce can't do for herself. So whenever they have a marital spat (trust me, even they have them too), the line "negro I don't need you (most likely said another way)!" Is a complete waste of time and breath.
Let me also put it out there that I realize that there are men out there who can't handle independent women. Most of them can't because of these three main reasons: 1) he can't handle her opinionated ways 2) he can't handle her success and how much money she makes 3) he has a primitive way of thinking. When you encounter this type of man, just keep it moving because it's highly unlikely that the two of you will ever be on the same accord.
I pray that more women become independent by the day because let's face it, it's the year 2011. I pray that men are able to push egos aside and accept the fact that women are moving at a rapid pace. Also, let me say that just because you can get your nails and hair done by yourself doesn't make you independent. And I don't care what Drake says, it damn sure doesn't mean that you're fancy! It takes a little bit more then that.
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