To Stand (Or Not) In A Country That Won't Stand For Us

Recently, 49ers Quarterback, Colin Kaepernick admitted that he refuses to stand for the National Anthem in a country "that oppresses Black people and people of color".  And of course, there are many who don't understand and have subsequently taken verbal shots at Colin -- which is well within their right to state their opinion about him regarding this issue -- just like he's well within his right not to stand for the National Anthem in protest.  I honestly try to stay as far away from social media as possible during times like these.  Why?  This is when "Americans" show who they really are with their vile and despicable words.  Racist and ignorant comments get thrown around like free t-shirts at a sporting event.  And I'm quite sure that he's been called every name in the book.  One of the things that I've seen him called is "Un-American".  Explain to me this...how is someone "Un-American" when they are voicing their opinion about how fellow Americans -- fellow citizens of this great Nation of ours are being unjustly treated and shot down in the streets UNJUSTLY by those sworn to protect them only to walk free with no repercussions time after time after time?  How is that "Un-American" when he's pointing out that the societal playing field here in Great ole America is not the same for people of color.  How is that "Un-American"?  How is it "Un-American" when someone with a platform and a voice speaks up for the voiceless?  And what I find funny is the people who are mainly criticizing him are non African-Americans.  Those who know nothing about what it is to be black in America.  Of course you take exception because the Constitution was written for people that look like YOU!  Those words were never meant for us (African-Americans).  How am I supposed to logically believe that the Constitution was meant for my people when it was adopted in the year of 1789 -- a time when my people were in bondage here in this country.  A time when my ancestors were being stolen from the lands of their continent and shipped over here in chains only to live a life of servitude. 

For those of you that don't know, I am a U.S Army Veteran having given 6 years of my life to this country.  I've given my service to this country.  I've put my life on the line for this country.  I went to war for this country.  I supported others in the combat zone for this country.  I've been inside the combat zone for this country.  So before you come for me, ask of yourself what you have done for your country.  Although I am a veteran, I am a black man first.  When people see me on the street, they won't have a clue that I'm a vet...but they'll know that I am a black man.  Even though I have my opinions about the social injustices committed against African-Americans in this country, I still love this country, with all of its imperfections and scars -- as I'm quite sure that Colin Kaepernick does.  Where else can Colin Kaepernick play a sport that we play as children and make millions upon millions of dollars doing so?  There is no other place.  But, see, that's the thing...certain people feel like athletes (black athletes especially) should not have a voice because they are "living the American dream".  You're making money...shut and play.  

During the Civil Rights Era, we depended on our athletes like Bill Russell, Muhammad Ali, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and Jim Brown among others to stand and fight for the rights of black people.  Why?  They were at least adorned by white folks for their athletic abilities, if for nothing else.  They became our voices in a white dominated society.  Nowadays, people always say how we'll never have (black) athletes like the aforementioned that will stand up for injustices against our people like they did back in the 60's and 70's.  This is true for a few reasons:  One reason is that their struggle back in those days was a lot different and much more tougher.  These athletes don't have to fear being drafted into the Army to go fight in a war like Muhammad Ali was during Vietnam.  These athletes were present during the times of the Civil Rights Era and the times immediately after so a lot of these guys lived this.  But the main difference is money -- money.  Players nowadays are literally making hundreds of millions of dollars, figures that athletes of yesterday could only dream about....hell, they weren't even making millions.  Many guys today will not put their contracts or future contracts on the line by speaking out on social injustices.  So, in essence, they will toe the line.  Case in point....New York Giants Wide Receiver, Victor Cruz half heartily voiced his support for Colin but then backed that up by saying that "you must stand with your teammates for the National Anthem and that it's bigger than you".  Wake up, Victor Cruz!  Of course it's bigger than Colin Kaepernick...that's his whole point!  Why else would he be put his career on the line by taking this stance?  He is putting his earning potential on the line in lieu of an issue that he feels is bigger than he is.  Other than putting his life on the line, what is bigger than a man willing to risk his wages that he uses to take care of himself and his family?
I find it funny how so many have become so American and are crucifying Colin.  Since those of you out there are all of a sudden so patriotic and red blooded Americans through and through, answer me this...when you're watching sporting events at home and the National Anthem is being played, do you stand up in acknowledgement of the National Anthem or do you continue to sit or do you get up only to go grab something from the fridge?  A couple weeks ago Olympic Gymnast, Gabby Douglas received much criticism for not placing her hand over her heart for the National Anthem during the gold medal ceremony.  She was standing, but did not have her hand over her heart.  Did I miss something or has this land of the free, you know, where democracy reigns switch up to a dictatorship?  If so, let me know because all of this backlash would then start to make sense.
Many people are out there using the military as an excuse to say that Colin is disrespecting the flag and what have you.  Matter of fact, I was asked as a veteran myself does Colin's act offend me.  Absolutely not!  And my reasons are for the same exact reasons that Colin explained.  Military members like myself and most definitely those that came before me fought for the right to be free -- the right to live and express one's religious, political, personal, and societal views with absolute freedom.  Is Colin spewing hate at America?  Not even in the slightest.  He's saying America, I love you, but we need to talk....we need to change!  The fact that folks are so caught up with the act of him sitting during the National Anthem and not saying, okay, Colin, you have our attention, lets talk further proves the point of the problems we face here.  He just told you that African-Americans and people of color are not being treated the same in this country yet you yell at him for not standing up.  You make it clear what really is the priority to you...and it's not the lives of  fellow Americans being unjustly taken from us.
I've been asked would I do what Colin is doing.  Nah.  Let me explain to you why.  I've given so much of myself to this country, so when the opportunity presents itself, I'm going to stand upon the soil that I swore to defend and feel God's breath kiss my skin and remember not only my service to this country as a member of its military, but my service to this country as a citizen.  Service is not limited to being a member of the armed forces.   Am I implying that Colin hasn't given anything to this country or that I've given more?  Sure not.  I'm only speaking for myself because I can't speak for his contributions just like I can't speak for yours or the man/woman standing next to you.  He's doing what he feels is right and I am totally with him although I will continue to stand during the National Anthem for my own personal reasons.
For a moment, I would like to speak directly to those who don't understand Colin and his strong stance in regards to this issue of standing for the National Anthem.  Put yourself in our shoes...the shoes of African-Americans.  How would you feel if you lived in a society where it seems as if the lives of people that look just like you didn't matter?  How would you feel with living with constant anxiety and fear of police?  If I am currently addressing you -- the people that don't understand, chances are you're probably saying something like don't get stopped by the police or don't commit any crimes that would involve the police.  Philando Castile was a licensed firearm carrier who informed the police during a traffic stop that he did in fact have a weapon and still ended up murdered.  If he had any intention on using that firearm against the cops would he have told the cop that he was in fact in possession of that weapon?  No, he wouldn't!  He was well within his right to be carrying a firearm legally as stated by his Second Amendment Right.  How would you feel if that was your loved one being shot down like that?  How would you feel if your daughter was Latasha Harlins, a young black girl from Los Angeles who went to a corner store to buy orange juice, in which she was paying for, subsequently ended up in an altercation with the Korean owner, turned to walk away with money in hand only to be shot in the back of the head.  The owner was convicted of Manslaughter and ordered to pay $400 and serve 5 years probation and 400 hours of community service.  The real question is this: if this scenario happened in Beverly Hills or another affluent suburb in Los Angeles, would the senseless murder of a white child go severely unpunished?  This is an example of how meaningless our lives mean to America.  What if you were the parent of Mike Brown, or the parent of Oscar Grant who was shot in the back as he laid on the ground unarmed, or the parent of Trayvon Martin, or the soon to be wife of Sean Bell, or the family of Alton Sterling, or the family of Sandra Bland, or the family of Johnathon Ferrell who was seeking help after being in an accident.  The cases are literally endless.  How would you feel if you and your loved ones, who are citizens of THIS nation had to deal with being profiled and perceived negatively?  How would you deal?  Would you feel the love from your country?  Probably not.  So until you truly understand what it's like to be a minority in this country, a person of color in this country, and most definitely an African-American in this country, you'll never understand our pain and our struggles.

Dear Colin Kaepernick,

Thank you for taking a stand.  Thank you for doing it with conviction even when you knew the whole world wouldn't understand you.  It may not mean much to you, but I appreciate the fact that you are laying so much on the line for a cause bigger than you.  There will be many who don't understand you and your action...just as they didn't understand Ali when he refused to go to Vietnam to fight for a country that he felt wouldn't even fight for him.  As a veteran who has served this country, you do not disappoint or offend me.  I feel in my heart that your motive is genuine and that you have deep love for our country.  Stay motivated, brave, and encouraged.  I pray nothing but blessing for you, your family, and this country.  Be blessed

-Craig

Your Testimony Is Your Ministry

     When it comes to life and figuring out our purpose in life, many of us have a difficult time figuring out what that purpose is and how to go about living out that purpose.  Some of us meander through life feeling like we have no purpose at all.  Truth is, we all have a purpose that God has laid out and entrusted to us.  What the details of every individuals purpose is, is up to that specific individual to embrace, nurture, and work diligently at.  The same applies to ministry.  Many of us (Christians) struggle with what should our ministry be -- or what ministry should we devote our time to help build.  We all have one ministry in common -- the ministry of testimony.
     I'm no exception when it came to figuring out , ultimately, what my purpose was on this earth.  It would frustrate me mightily at times.  I have many interests and talents but didn't always know how to put them to use.  I knew that whatever my purpose would ultimately be, I wanted it to center around serving people.  Being a positive influence on people and bringing a smile to their face has always been a priority to me.  I want people to equate me with joy, wisdom and positivity.  I just didn't know how to execute it.  It took years, and quite frankly, life in general to reveal it to me.
     We all know that the root word of testimony is test.  Sometimes that is an oversight in our thought process when we think of our testimony.  We like to most remember the triumph portion of our testimony.  But the main course of testimony comes from pain, struggle, loss, addiction, disappointment, failure, rejection, letdowns, hang-ups, insecurities, separation, divorce --all trials and tribulations.  There could be no testimony without the test.  The road to your triumph must go through the fire -- your faith must be tested, because in this life, nothing comes easy.  Even our Christian walk will be tested.  Matter of fact, our Christian walk is tested every day.  Some days we win our battles -- some days we in fact lose.  But the awesome thing about God is that he provides us with grace AND mercy.  Everyday is a new opportunity to begin again.  When you overcome something that you've been struggling with, that in itself is a testimony.  There are others who are around you who may be trying to overcome the same battle(s).  Your testimony could be the dose of medicine that they need to help them through their pain and struggle.  You're not the only person that the enemy is attacking.  His job is to steal souls.  He depends on us not giving his prey a sense of empowerment over what the enemy has for them.  That is what your testimony is to those who are at their weakest point, or spiritually drained.  When some think of testimony, they get kind of uneasy.  They get uneasy because they think of getting in front of a congregation with a microphone in front of their face and speaking to people -- many of whom they do not know and vice versa.  Many are afraid of people judging them -- rightfully so.  Whether you want to admit it or not, churches are filled with so many who will cast judgement on folks.  Testimony doesn't have to be done in front of a congregation or a mass of people to be validated -- just like prayer doesn't.
     A few days ago, a close friend of mine shared with me how her brother was going through a divorce and how hard he was taking it.  She had in fact gone through a divorce some years ago herself and explained the hurt and pain that she went through as a result from the divorce.  Her brother is going through irreparable pain and she had an idea of what he was going through.  She shared with me that that made her know that she went through what she went through for a reason -- to help her brother through his pain and suffering.  That is what it's all about -- helping people push through their storms.
     Ministry doesn't have to be advertised blinking in neon lights or posted on some billboard somewhere for it to be considered ministry.  You don't need an official title or business card that states who you are and what your ministry is.  You do not have to be ordained and carry around oil in order to minister to people.  You may not realize it, but you've ministered to people over the phone, at a dinner table, or even at Starbucks over a cup of coffee.  Many people see your smile and see the new you but have no clue as to what hell you've been through to get to where you are now.  Sometimes we are still in the midst of our test on the way to our testimony and are still able to smile through it all.  People need to know that no matter what it is or what they face, everything will be okay.  So just know that the next time that you share your testimony, you could possibly be ministering to a broken, battered and bruised soul.  Your testimony just might be the jump-start to their testimony.

Dear Mr. Out-of-Touch

     So I was on Facebook recently and I happened to come across the most ridiculous thing that I have ever read from an obviously out-of-touch individual.  It was a letter addressed from a Patrick J. Buchanan to President Barack Obama.  The origin of the letter begins like this:  "Barack says we need to have a conversation about race in America .. Fair enough.  But this time, it has to be a two-way conversation .. White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to.... This time, the Silent Majority needs to have its grievances and demands heard.  And among them are these."
     Before I go on, I will say this:  When it comes to the issue of race in America, there does need to be a conversation -- several conversations because it has been a problem historically, and continues to be a problem in the now.  Everyone is entitled to their right of free speech -- therefore, I will exercise mine while responding to this asinine letter.
     Right off the bat, Mr. Buchanan displays his ignorance and how out-of-touch he really is -- I mean he didn't take long at all.  Here is the second part to his letter:  "First, America has been the best country on earth for black folks. It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known .. Jeremiah Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American."
     Yes, this is Mr. Buchanan's actual words, not mine.  America has been the best country on earth for black folks?  WHAT!?  I kept reading this over and over to make sure that my eyes weren't deceiving me -- they became more ignorant each time that I read it.  But they were in front of my face and they were real.
     As you say, Mr. Buchanan, "America has been the best country on earth for black folks."  How did you come to that conclusion?  Here is the problem -- you immediately follow that up with "It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known."  Your absolute insensitivity and ignorance is paramount.  You bring up how African slaves were brought here to America and then try to justify what we as human beings -- let me say that again -- what we as HUMAN BEINGS are quote un-quote enjoying here in America.  So correct me if I'm wrong:  You justify the atrocities of your forefathers against my forefathers (slavery) by bringing up what the black race has grown to and what we now "enjoy in America"?  Our forefathers and descendants were forcibly taken from their homes and families to be shackled and cuffed on board ships to travel from the continent of Africa to the New World (North America).  Many died during this in-humane process -- yet we should be thankful, huh?  Should we be thankful for being forced into a life of bondage in which our people found themselves horribly oppressed for hundreds of years -- we should be thankful, huh?  Should we be thankful for the crimes that your people committed against our people like rape, murder, vicious assaults and stripping our people from their culture and families?
     According to you, Mr. Buchanan, because our "community has grown into a community of over 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known" -- we along with "Jeremiah Wright ought to go down to our knees and thank God to be Americans."  What if I said that you should go down to your knees and thank God for my people?  Why?  Because it was my forefathers who basically built this land -- a land that your forefathers stole from the Native Americans.  Why do you think that the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade started?  It was because labor was needed -- thus, Africans were sought for this labor -- to build this land however "master" saw fit.  And your notion that we were introduced to Christian salvation is ridiculous as well.  Why don't you go and read up on African history.  You'll see that we (African-Americans) come from a rich and thriving culture.  Do you think that the slave masters taught the slaves how to sing and praise God after beating, lynching and denying us the right to learn how to read and write?  Africans were brought to this country with fundamentals and heritage already instilled in their hearts and souls from the mother land (Africa).  African slaves tried to preserve as much of their culture as possible.  So you can save that crap about we were introduced to Christian salvation stuff.
     You mention the fact that 600,000 "black people" were brought from Africa in slave ships.  First of all, do you know that they're called Africans and not black people?  Secondly, If you're going to bring this "fact" to the table then tell the whole story.  Historian, Patrick Manning, a Professor of World History at the University of Pittsburgh estimates that more than 18 million were forcibly taken from Africa to be enslaved.  Oh, Professor Manning is indeed a white American.  Yes, North America only received a small portion of slaves while places like the Caribbean and Brazil received the lion's share of slaves -- Brazil receiving the most.  Back to that number of 600,000 slaves being imported to North America.  Albeit that that number may be true, it still doesn't give an accurate count of how many people were ultimately enslaved here -- or anywhere else in the world, for it does not account for how many individuals were born into slavery here or any other place.  Do you think that 600,000 slaves were brought here and that was it?  No procreation or nothing?  Matter of fact, "master" made it a point to infuse his "white blood" into many of female slaves.  Many female slaves were designated for breeding purposes only.  Wikipedia doesn't tell you that, huh, Mr. Buchanan?  I've been researching the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade well before I came across your idiotic letter, sir.  Let me move on to the rest of your letter.  And here is how the rest of your shenanigan filled letter goes:
     "Second, no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans.  Untold trillions have been spent since the '60's on welfare, food stamps, rent supplements, Section 8 housing, Pell grants, student loans, legal services, Medicaid, Earned Income Tax Credits and poverty programs designed to bring the African-American community into the mainstream.  Governments, businesses and colleges have engaged in discrimination against white folks -- with affirmative action, contract set-aside quotas -- to advance black applicants over white applicants.  Churches, foundations, civic groups, schools and individuals all over America have donated their time and money to support soup kitchens, adult education, day care, retirement and nursing homes for blacks.  We hear grievances.  Where is the gratitude??"
     Somebody please tell me that this guy isn't for real.  I guess not one single white American has ever received a dime of these untold trillions of dollars since the 1960's?  Earlier you referred to yourself as the silent majority -- meaning that white Americans are the majority in this country.  That is indeed true.  As of July this year (2013) the Census Bureau reports the population in the United States at roughly 316 million.  About 72% of that or about 223 million of our nation's population are white Americans.  Do you not believe that some or a significant portion of that percentage uses some type of government assistance?  How 'bout I ask you this:  Have you, or do you know anyone that has received a Pell Grant or a student loan?  I'm willing to bet that the answer is yes.  I take it that you believe that the government, or white people, felt the need to uplift blacks because ALL whites were thriving -- there have been no white person to suffer from poverty or economical inferiority.  Sense you are an out-of-touch individual, let me tell you that I expressed that using sarcasm.  The fact is that there are many whites that receive some kind of government aid or assistance -- don't be oblivious to that fact.
     Now let me get to what I really want to say regarding the last part to this letter.  This is where I will refer to you as Mr. Out-of-Touch -- and it hinges mostly upon one sentence.  You say that "no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans."  Excuse me!?  I'll argue that no other race has done more to bring down and try to get rid of the black race than white Americans.  The misdeeds of your people against my people have not been expunged -- nor will it ever be.  How dare you say that when it was your people that enslaved my people here in America?  During that time your people denied my people of basically every human right possible.  It was your people that treated my people as dirt, trash, sub-human and felt as if your people were superior than my people.  It was your people that made it unlawful to teach Africans, or black slaves in general how to read and write for that they knew that education and knowledge was empowerment -- empowerment that slaves would use to free themselves of your forefathers oppressive handcuffs.  Is that what you call uplifting?  Even when we assess race relations in more modern times, how can you bring yourself to say that?  What do you think that African-Americans were fighting for during the Civil Rights era?  Who let dogs loose and turned fire hoses on blacks as they marched peacefully for their rights?  Who tried to keep America segregated for as long as possible -- especially schools and neighborhoods.  Who posted "No Coloreds" signs outside their stores, restaurants and businesses?  It wasn't blacks.  Who had to fight to get into white schools because there you could receive a decent education?  In turn, whites fought hard to keep blacks out of white schools.  Who terrorized black families while concealing their identities while dressed in white hoods and sheets -- otherwise known as the Ku Klux Klan which is still alive today.  I haven't even mentioned the word nigger -- a word that was/is meant to de-humanize African-Americans.  So your quote un-quote "no people anywhere has done more to uplift blacks than white Americans" statement is a bunch of you-know-what to me.
     When I think of uplifting, I think of people like Martin Luther King Jr., Frederick Douglass, Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela, just to name a few among many blacks and Africans throughout history who have made their life's work to uplift their people -- and all of mankind, for that matter.  If you don't believe me, do some research on Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela.
     You, Mr. Out-of-Touch, equate uplifting with government assistance.  I equate uplifting with empowering people from within -- that is something that doesn't come stamped in the mail from some government agency -- but is given from one human being's mind, body and soul to another human being.  Giving people inspiration and hope is true uplifting.  When I think of Thurgood Marshall, the first African-American Supreme Court Judge who was a successful lawyer prior to that -- that is uplifting to me.  When I think about Dr. Rameck Hunt, Dr. Sampson Davis and Dr. George Jenkins -- three black doctors from Newark, NJ I think of uplifting.  All three of these men grew up together in public housing, or "the projects" and attended high school and college together.  They made a pact that they would help each other get through school -- all the way through medical school.  All three are now doctors, public speakers and authors.  THAT is what you call uplifting, Mr. Out-of-Touch.  Why is this more uplifting than your examples of government assistance?  I'm glad that you asked.  It is no secret that many blacks all across this country live in low income areas that are littered with drugs and violent crime on a daily basis.  Many of our youth and adults feel succumbed to this trap called the ghetto, or the hood.  These three gentlemen offer true and living proof that you can make it no matter what your situation is.  Their story is inspirational because many come from the exact same circumstance as them.  It procreates the attitude "if they can do it, so can I."  That, Mr. Out-of-Touch, is uplifting.
     You go on to allude that blacks are getting more opportunities than whites when it comes to school.  Your response to Barack Obama's statement about creating 'ladders of opportunity' for blacks was as follows:  "Let him go to Altoona?  And Johnstown, and ask the white kids in Catholic schools how many were visited lately by Ivy League recruiters handing out scholarships for 'deserving' white kids...?"  That whole illustration is laughable!  The notion that you would imply that blacks are being handed more scholarships than white kids is an irresponsible statement -- and to Ivy League schools of all places!  It is irresponsible because you are misleading people with inaccuracy and ridiculous statements that are baseless and simply not true.  How 'bout you go to predominantly black schools and ask how many Ivy League recruiters have gone to hand out scholarships to 'deserving' black kids then get back to me.
     Finally you talk about crime -- black-on-white crime to be more specific.  Before I respond to that, let me say that I do not condone any violence in any form whether it be black-on-black crime, black-on-white crime, white-on-black crime or white-on-white crime.  You gave some statistics about black-on-white crime.  I'll make no apologies when when I say that I don't trust your stats.  And I've come to this conclusion just based off of your ridiculous letter that I'm currently responding to.  But let me key in on one stat that you gave about black-on-white rape.  You say "is Barack aware that black-on-white rapes are 100 times more common than the reverse" -- or so they say.  No, I'm not saying that black-on-white rape doesn't occur.  What I am saying is this:  Are you aware that no other has falsely accused black men of rape more than white females?  And that continues right now in 2013.  Your stats, in my opinion, are heavily skewed because of how many black men who have been falsely accused of raping a white female -- some have been exonerated -- many haven't.  14 year old Emmett Till was brutally murdered because he allegedly whistled at a white woman.  You like to use google, right, Mr. Out-of-Touch?  I want you to google "innocent black men accused of raping white women" and tell me what you find.  You gave two examples of rape cases in which black women falsely accused white men of rape.  I can write a book about white women falsely accusing black men of rape.  I'll tell you quickly why white women are most likely to accuse black men of rape:  Many white females, teenagers especially, do not want their fathers to know that they're having a relationship with a black man.  I can't tell you of how many cases that I've read and heard about where teenage white females claimed that a black boy raped them because they didn't want their father to know that they were having sex with a black boy -- because they knew that their father would disapprove if they found out the truth.
     There is one more thing that I want you to google, Mr. Out-of-Touch.  I want you to google "Black Wall Street."  It will bring you to a major incident that is not talked about much -- an incident that happened on May 30, 1921 in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  It was an incident where a 19 year old black shoe shiner named Dick Rowland was falsely accused of grabbing a 17 year old elevator operator.  The next day the black man was arrested -- but it was too late because a lynch mob had formed and out for some restitution.  They turned their anger toward the Greenwood section of Tulsa.  This is where many African-Americans were thriving.  It was home to African-American doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, businessmen and other prominent citizens --yes, our race produced these types of citizens before affirmative action and before white Americans came up with programs to help blacks get into the mainstream -- as you say.  Anyway, the outcome of this vicious mob included the complete destruction of the Greenwood section leaving an estimated 300 innocent blacks dead, 800 wounded, as many as 10,000 homeless and an estimated worth of $16 million in damages (in today's dollars).  You gave an example of the Jena 6 attacking a white male -- well here is my example of your people attacking my people.  How is that for white Americans uplifting black Americans?
     Let me address the black community for a moment:  This letter re-affirms a few things for me.  First, we still have so much ground to cover in regards to race relations in this country.  Second, there are many people who are out-of-touch just like Mr. Buchanan.  Third, and most importantly, as blacks, we need to build our own pathways and avenues -- empower our people to do better -- build our own businesses and become financially independent.  As is the case with our day-to-day relationships with friends and family -- when most people do something for you, many of them will always remind you of the fact that they did something for you.  People rarely do things for another out of the goodness of their heart these days.  That is why it's always best to do for yourself -- or ourselves in this case.  I mention this because Mr. Out-of-Touch mentioned all of the government assisted programs in which he feels that is his people's way of helping our people.
     Now, lastly to you, Mr. Out-of-Touch:  Your letter to Barack Obama proves something to me that I'm sure that you didn't think of -- more on that in a second.  You're being critical to a man (Obama) who is both black and white and was raised by his white mother, yet you came at him as if he was 100% black -- you know why?  Because as I have always stated -- it doesn't matter if your biological makeup is 25% black -- that percentage makes you 100% black in the world's eyes.  You don't see President Obama as half white half black -- you see him as a black man.  Now who is the one that needs to have a conversation about race, Mr. Out-of-Touch?

Why We (Men) Are Turning Our Women Into Us

      Let me start off by saying Happy New Year to you all.  I pray that 2013 brings you much more joy, happiness, love and blessings than 2012 did.  I pray that God does the amazing for you and your families.  Most importantly, I pray that you remain humble and faithful through these blessings.  This is OUR year!  Now, with that being said -- lets go!
     Unless you've been hiding under a rock or you have just been going about your days with your eyes closed; you should notice that modern women (for the most part) are nothing like modern women of years ago.  Almost in every area or characteristic, women of today are vastly different than their predecessors.  From a woman's walk, talk, demeanor, drive, inspiration, morals and even woman's sexual drive and ambition.  If you take the time to assess it; many women have essentially become, well, men on many different levels.  This, of course, is not an indictment of all women.
     If you've read some of my blogs you would know that I like to observe the social network sites to see what the people are talking about -- to see what matters to all of you out there.  I always seem to get more from the females than the males.  Women tend to bare their souls and be more open than men do.  In no way am I just speaking from the social networking point of view.  I mention the social networking sites because it gives me insight and access to people all over the world.  I'm not just limited to my daily contact with people here in Jacksonville, FL.
     If you observe women of today (whether you're a man or woman) you will notice these things:  many women are afraid of commitment (relationship wise).  Many women are willing to commit to JUST sexual relationships-- nothing more -- nothing less.  Many women value money and the ability to buy material things over other tangible things.  Many women love to smoke weed and drink alcohol.  Now, I'm not about to go into the whole debate about whether weed should be legalized or not.  I see many women on the social networks talking about getting high and drunk more than I see the men do.  Many women that I know have noticed these same things.  I have one basic reason as to why women act this way.  It all boils down to us men.  We, in a sense have created us in them (women).  I have a theory as to why it is this way.  Please hear me out -- I believe that I may be on to something here.
     One thing in this world that we all love to do is listen to music.  No matter where you're from or what race or ethnicity you are -- music is a part of your life.  As Americans, music is definitely huge within our society.  Two of the more popular genres of music are rap/hip-hop and r&b -- not just in this country -- but in the world as a whole.  Rap, in general, has created a culture that is mostly imitated globally.  Men are mostly rappers but millions and millions of women know and love rap music.  If you know me, you know that I love rap and hip/hop music -- that is, certain rap and hip/hop.  It is definitely in a much different place than when I grew up.  I see and know of women who enjoy this type of rap music more than some men.  Yes, the same rap music that is demeaning to women in many aspects of its content.  The same rap music that places material things and money over women.  There is a saying in the rap community -- M.O.B. -- that's money over bitches.  We all know that many rappers refer to women as bitches -- and in turn, many women refer to themselves as bitches.
     Music is largely influential and rap music is probably the most influential of them all.  Even r&b has changed a lot.  This is not your mom and dad's r&b.  There is no Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross, Barry White, The Whispers or even a Babyface in sight.  There was once a time when women, for the most part, cared about being romanced by a man.  Now, you have Trey Songz aka Mr. Steal Yo Girl aka Mr. I'm about to dive in.  I'll let you imagine what he means by 'diving in.'  Not that there isn't any good music being made today; that would be a false statement by me -- music is just in a different place.  These singers and rappers aren't talking about love in their music.  And I don't want to hear that's not what rappers do.  Yes they do!  When I was growing up, LL Cool J had a song called 'I Need Love' -- and it was a hit!
     We (men) once made music that moved women to want to be loved.  Now our music inspires women to smoke weed, drink liquor, have meaningless sex and want to become twerkers.  Twerking is booty shaking, for those that don't know.  Even what some call r&b these days talk about the aforementioned things that rappers talk about.  Matter of fact -- a lot of r&b singers today want to be rappers.  There was once a time when r&b singers sang about love, getting married and having a family with that one woman that they loved.  Now many 'sing' about which woman they're trying to take home.  We (men) are giving them different inspirations as opposed to um, twenty years ago.
     Of course music is not the only reason why women are turning into us.  Women are only reciprocating what we have given them.  What do you mean, Craig?  Thanks for asking.  Can I keep it real with you?  For years we (men) haven't given our women all of us.  How many times have we not been ready for commitment?  How many times have we cheated on our women?  How many times have we placed jobs and/or money over our women?  How many times have we just seemed not to care?  I know some -- maybe most men are probably disagreeing with me right now.  How many times have you heard about a man doing a good woman wrong?  This story is played over and over -- a good, loving, caring and attentive woman sticks by a man who doesn't reciprocate that same love, care and attentiveness.  This woman stays with this man so long that, that loving, caring, attentive and good woman dies inside and becomes something else -- now we're left with a woman whose heart and trust needs restoring.  So, moving forward, that woman figures the easiest thing to do is to act just as she was treated.  That way she doesn't have to worry about being hurt.  That way she doesn't have to worry about giving more than she will certainly receive.  Some women don't have to physically go through this -- they see friends and love ones go through it and they just eliminate all the hurt and pain by becoming us from the get go -- not giving anyone a chance to possibly hurt them.
     We men are the leaders.  We men are the heads of households.  We are supposed to set the example -- PERIOD!  Whether you believe it or not, women do follow us.  Some of us take our women to great places mentally, physically and spiritually.  Some of us, eh, not so much.  Where are you taking your woman? 

Be A Father To Your Child

     This is probably my most passionate subject to discuss due to what I feel is a damning "culture" within the black community.  I haven't written a blog about this particular topic, because of the book that I'm currently working on has much to do about this very subject.  I couldn't resist when a childhood friend of mine messaged me and suggested that my next blog should be about the role of the black father.  My friend, a black father himself, realizes the importance of this matter as well.  He wouldn't have sent me that particular message had he not.
     I won't sugarcoat this blog because we're truly in a bad place--as fathers and as men.  This blog is just as much for me as it is for all the other black fathers.  I myself am a father of two boys.  I will explain the challenges and the uniqueness of my situation later on.  I will not exclude myself because no matter what my situation may be; no matter what the challenges are; I'm still Jayden's and Jordyn's father and I need to act accordingly.
     When you observe the current generation; what do you see?  I see a bunch of misguided souls being led by false things.  I see many black kids in awe of rappers, dope dealers, hustlers, pimps--pretty much anyone with money and some kind of fame.  What do I attribute this to?  Poor, or the lack of leadership in these kids lives.  I also include many twenty-something year olds when I say kids.  Its been said before; and it still reigns true today:  It starts in the home.  That "it" being the foundation of a child's life.  How can a child get a solid foundation when many of our children don't even know who and where their father is.  There are several women out here left to raise children without any support.  Now here is where we're going to separate the men from the individuals that don't get it.  When I said support and the only thing that came to your mind was financial support--congratulations, you're part of the team that doesn't get it.
     When it comes to the support of children; there are many forms.  Of course financial is probably the biggest.  Lets face it--kids cost money!  Clothes, food, school supplies/uniforms, healthcare, childcare, entertainment etc. is not cheap.  Spending time and lending emotional support also factors into the support of children.  Children need to feel that love and support from their father as well as their mother.  They need us to feel that we care about them and their well being.  They also need that structure and life lessons that only YOU as a man can provide.  I commend all women who operate as mother and father.  I can only imagine how tough it is to do all that you do without the support from your children's father(s).  Even if you may not agree--there are some things that you cannot give your kids as a woman.  That's no knock or slight to women--it's just a simple fact.
     Lets get the issue of child support out there now:  I know that there are women out there that exploit the children and the child support system for their own personal gain.  I also know of good women who have struggled with putting the father of their children on child support.  I've had quite a few female friends ask for my advice about what they should do regarding child support.  All of them were receiving little or no support at all.  My response would always be "what are you waiting for?"  Don't take that as me being a proponent of men being in the child support system.  Take that as me being a proponent of children being taken care of.  For the record:  I myself pay child support.  All the female friends also told me how they tried to work something out with the father without getting the courts involved.  All of the fathers weren't receptive or didn't keep with their end of the bargain.  Fellas:  If the mother of your children is trying to work something out without putting you on child support; by all means do your best to do so.  Because if she ultimately feels compelled to do so; I promise that they will most certainly grant her more than she was offering that you pay in the first place. 
     When the mother of your children is seeking support from you; whether that be from you directly, or through the courts; DO NOT act foolishly or ignorant.  And by that I mean:  Do not neglect your children just because you and your children's mother mother are going through something.  I don't care if you're honestly doing your best and she's doing it out of spite.  There are women out there that use the system as the Joker in her deck of cards.  Waiting to play that hand or use that power because she knows that she can.  If she acts a fool with you; don't cut off communication, spending time, and financial support to your kid(s) because you're trying to make things hard for her because you feel like she's making things hard for you.  I've heard it way too often how fathers get mad at the mother of the kid(s) so much so that he basically stops being a father.  In your attempt to get back at the mother; do you know who you're truly affecting?  That's right--YOUR kids!  And for what?  They have absolutely nothing to do with what is going on between you and their mom.  Not only are you hurting your children; you are in fact hurting yourself.  You're killing the bond--or future bond with your children.  If this doesn't matter to you; then you are a deadbeat.  No other way to put it.
     I alluded to my own situation earlier.  Let me elaborate on it:  My ex-wife and I have two sons together.  When me and my ex were together; we lived in Northern California upon me leaving the Army in 2006.  In 2010, my ex and I separated and were ultimately divorced in February of 2011.  I moved to Jacksonville, FL--not because I necessarily wanted to--I did so for financial reasons.  That was by far the hardest and most painful decision that I have yet to make in life.  My children and their mom now reside in Las Vegas, NV.  I still get to see them and have them for summers--but I cannot describe to you the pain I go through daily not being where they are at on a day to day basis.  There is nothing more special to me than seeing my kids smiling faces, playing with them, letting them help me cook, giving them hugs and kisses, playing video games with them, playing sports with them--bonding with them.  I say that to say this:  It truly pisses my soul off to know that there are fathers, or, "baby daddies" who literally live down the block, around the corner, or the same city (or vicinity) as their kid(s) and will not see them or spend time with them.  Do you know what I would give to live or have my kids near me?  Hell...I'd be good with them in the same state as me.  How can a "man" live with himself when he has nothing to do with his children completely misses my train of thought.  The love that I have learned since becoming a father to Jayden and Jordyn is priceless.  Those of you who don't have relationships with your kids are truly missing out on an irreplaceable gift from God.  I couldn't imagine trudging through this life without their love and my relationship with them.
     Earlier I mentioned how this generation is filled with misguided souls.  That is where fathers should be found--steadfast and ready to lead their children to the right path.  Kids are impressionable--always have been--always will be.  But it is much easier for this generation.  With television, radio, internet, and peers; it's tough for these kids to effectively cast away what's not good to and for them.  For example:  Many of these kids cannot differentiate what they see on t.v., and what they hear in the music that they listen to as pure entertainment.  They are out here trying to live their lives like their favorite rappers.  The job of the parent (father in particular) is to provide clarity and expose his kids to things of substance and value.  Here is the issue as well:  Some of these kids do have the fathers in the home or around, but are just as misguided and lost as those without fathers.  This can be attributed to what Steve Harvey calls the three p's.  Those three p's are:  "Piss...poor...parenting."  For example:  If your son lives with you, or you spend significant time with him and he freely sags his pants or smokes weed; your son is a victim of piss poor parenting.  If your teenager comes and goes as they please--no curfew, no concrete rules and standards; they are victims of piss poor parenting. 
     Our sons need us to be there to show them how to be men.  I'm going to be quite frank:  The cycle that has begun for the black man in particular is not a good cycle.  I look at our current state and I'm afraid for our future.  The way we conduct ourselves--the way we treat women is in a bad state.  Of course this is not true for all black men.  Just take a second to observe what you see and make an honest assessment.  Speaking of women:  Our daughters desparately need us, too.  Daughters need us to show them how a man is supposed to treat a woman.  How many teenagers, young adults, and adults do you know of are habitually mistreated by a man?  Many young (and old) women are constantly in bad relationships because either:  a) They saw their dad or the man that their mom was involved with treat her mom horribly.  b) Their dad or a positive male influence was not in the home.  Boys and girls are the same in one regard:  If they're not getting the proper love and care that they need from home; they'll find it in other places.  And where they get that love from is usually not in the best places.
     It's not law that whoever grows up without a father is doomed forever.  That's not what I'm saying.  There are too many to count that buck that trend.  But even people that you know who have grown up without a father and made something of themselves harbor some kind of hatred in their heart?  They may not want to admit or acknowledge it; many of them have wounds on their heart due to not having a father, or a shaky to non existent relationship with their father.
     In this life you are judged by many things.  I know for those of us who are Christians believe in one judge.  But how you live daily, your profession, and your family leaves a personal mark on this world.  Your children is another way to leave your own personal mark.  Let me take this time to toot my parents' own horn.  When people meet me and have contact with me for a period of time--whether that be casual, personal, or professional; they commend my parents for raising a good person.  I get the same with my kids from time to time.  You yourself can be as good a human being as they come.  But if your kids are proficient in raising hell--guess what will usually come up when your name is brought up in conversation?  Your kids and how they are proficient in raising hell.  Be a presence in your children's life.  More importantly, be a strong presence in your children's life.  Many black men who have grown up without fathers are now leaving children to grow up without fathers as well.  Is it too much for me to dream of this cycle to be broken? 
     One last thing:  If you're not with the mother of your kids and there is a custody order...you do know that you can still work out with the mother of your children to see them at different times that aren't specified in the court order.  For example:  Lets say that the court order says that you are to have the kid(s) on specified days or weekends.  You can make arrangements with the mother if you want to see them or spend more time with them.  Of course you have to work that out with the mother, but your effort is what matters.  Your kids observe that effort as well.  I'll end this with a quote from old school rapper Ed O.G.  "Be a father to your child."
    

The Great Divide

     On Tuesday, November 6, 2012 President Barack Obama was re-elected as President of the United States.  First of all:  I would like to congratulate President Obama on his historic re-election.  It's a feat that I once thought was unattainable.  That being a black man being elected to the highest position in these United States twice.  Albeit the same man.  Secondly:  Even though I did not vote for him; I wish Gov. Mitt Romney and his family all the best--really, I do.  I pray for all of our leaders in office, because they, not me, are in public office working for the people of this nation.
     I'm not one to really talk politics for a few reasons:  1) I've never been too interested in politics.  2) I'm no political strategist, so I don't try to act like I'm an expert on all of the issues.  3) Politics is a sticky subject that drives a wedge between people.  4) Politics can bring out the ignorance in some people that you wish you never witnessed.  This election quite frankly, has shown me sides of people that I wish I never knew existed.  That goes for Democrats and Republicans alike.
     In this country that we live in--a democracy--it's imperative to have different parties and affiliations.  Innovation comes from the ability to be diverse and adapt to different philosophies.  If we didn't have multiple parties; we would live in a dictatorship, or socialist type of society.  Although many have accused President Obama of being a socialist.  Some have even said that he is the Anti-Christ.  I find these accusations to be ridiculous, laughable, and based with no merit.
     No matter how badly I do not want to address race; honestly, it's simply unavoidable.  I will keep the race issue to a minimum, because I'm big on moving forward when it comes to that subject.  I've heard, listened to, and read many comments regarding our current president.  If race wasn't an issue; why is it that President is referred to as the first African-American President?  When he was elected as president; it wasn't said that America elected its first multi-racial, or its first half white half black president.  I say that to say this:  It doesn't matter if your background consists of 1/16 black or African blood.  Once the world finds out about that 1/16, you are black in the world's eyes.  That's just the way it is.  My grandfather, Rudolph Smith Sr. was multi-racial (creole). But you know what he considered himself to be?  You got it--a black man!  My grandfather could pass for a white man, too.  He had fair skin, and had what we (blacks) would call good hair.  He didn't try to fool himself into thinking that society saw him as anything but black.  One more thing:  When you look at President Obama, what do you honestly see?  Do you see multi-racial, or do you see a black man?
     To the people (black and white; because some honestly feel like there were no blacks that voted for Gov. Romney) that supported and voted for Gov. Mitt Romney because you felt that he was the better candidate; I have absolutely no qualms with you.  As voting citizens, it's our duty to research the available candidates, assess how their plan aligns with what we see as best for our families--best for our country.  I know we all have our own unique reasons as to why we vote for who we vote for.  Some of us vote according to the political party that we're affiliated with.  The people that I do have qualms with are the people that did base their decision solely on race.  Whether you voted for or against President Obama.  Educate yourself on the issues and be mindful of how these issues affect you. 
     I do not know all the ins and outs of the politcal world that we call Washington D.C.  But I do know this:  It takes a team effort to get things done.  That includes Democrats working with Republicans and vice versa.  Nothing can get done when personal agendas are first and foremost rather than the welfare of our country.  It seems to me that political parties are doing more to sabotage the other party--like winning is what is most important--and not passing bills that would help the citizens of our country.
     I've heard that President Obama doesn't deserve another four years in office.  As I stated before:  If you have tangible reasons for this opinion; I respect your opinion.  But some have said that a black man should not be in the White House, let alone deserve another four years seated at the highest position in the country.  I'm not going to get into the battle of saying that former President George W. Bush got another term at the presidency, therefore President Obama should as well.  That will be me going tit for tat.  But I will say this:  In my opinion; President Obama deserves another chance because I truly like his direction.  I don't agree with all of his policies and positions.  His positives outweigh his negatives for me.  One thing that is huge is the economy and debt.  I honestly don't see how in this day and age we can cut the debt to almost nothing.  It just feels like as long as we're here; there will be debt.  Point blank.  I'd rather have debt because we're trying afford everyone healthcare and people going to college as opposed to fighting wars.  Wars cost a lot of money. Do your research on how much the Iraq war costed this country.  And that doesn't include what you can't put a price on--American lives lost.  I am a veteran and fought in the Iraq war.  I'm extremely proud to have served this country; but I didn't necessarily agree with the war in Iraq.
     That's about as far as I'm going to go into political issues and my position.  Back to what I want you to centralize your thoughts on.  When will we get passed differences and move forward?  Whether it be racial, political, economical, educational, or religious differences.  We are all Americans.  The preservation and progress of this country is at stake.  It seems like we can't disagree without totally offending someone or disrespecting their opinion.  If you're married or in a relationship, you definitely disagree.  The disagreement shouldn't tear the two of you apart.  That's the time to communicate and listen to what each has to say.  I want to say this to the people that are President Obama supporters such as myself:  Don't take this opportunity to throw President Obama's re-election back in the face of those who didn't/don't support the president.  The day after the election was actually a hard day for me.  To see and hear things said like: "My president is still black" didn't make me feel like we won.  Am I proud that he is black? Yes, of course!  But I'm beyond that now.  Focus on moving forward, because even though the president is black; we still have so far to go and grow.  Thanks as always for listening and reading.  And most importantly:  God bless America!

The Demise of The Black Family

      I've been out of the blog game for a little while now for a couple reasons.  Focusing on finishing my book and spending time with my kids has been a priority for me.  Also, I really haven't had any inspiration to write blogs.  With a few of my blogs, I pull from my own life and experiences to share with you.  This blog is no different.  It's a topic that is not only plaguing the black community, but the American community as a whole.  I've always paralleled divorce to cancer.  We all know family members, friends, associates, or co-workers that have been affected by cancer.  The same can be said about divorce.  Many times it's us personally that's affected.
     I, too, myself have been divorced.  I know firsthand the ramifications and emotional strain that it puts on those affected by a family break up.  My ex-wife and I have two children together.  Our oldest son, Jayden, still suffers from emotional pain caused by the divorce.  My youngest son, Jordyn, seems to be okay, but he is a lot like me--not very talkative when it comes to what is bothering us.  Jayden continues to tell me how he wants his mom and I to get back together, and how much he misses the life that we had together as a family.  You don't know the pain and awesome feeling of failure that overcomes me when I have to wipe my son's tears away as he expresses his feelings to me regarding this issue.  I grew up with my mother and father together so I can only imagine his pain.  I can't help but wonder how many other children are experiencing the same emotion and pain as my children are.
     My experience is just one example of a black family not staying together.  But it seems that many within the black community are getting divorced at an accelerated rate, or, just not getting married at all.  I've spoken to many who feel like marriage is just not an option for them.  People will rather "shack up" (as the preachers would say) rather than consummate their relationship, and in most cases, their family.  But why is this, though?  I have a few opinions as to why. 
     Many people always say that "folks don't stay married like they used to."  Can't really argue with this statement.  But I feel that there is a direct correlation between past generations and present generations as to why people aren't staying/getting married these days.  First, lets look at it from a woman's perspective.
     When women of today look at the marriages of their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or close friends, many have observed women who were never truly happy in their marriage.  They saw women who were just existing in a marriage, for whatever reason.  They saw women slaving over a stove, or taking care of the home on a day to day basis.  And a lot of times, they saw men who weren't necessarily appreciative of the work their spouses carried upon their shoulders.  These types of observations and experiences birthed women with a "that will never be me" type of attitude.  Fellas:  how many times have you heard a woman say:  "you better get your momma to cook/clean for you."  See what I'm saying?  Not that all women are not willing to cook for their men these days.  It's 2012.  Just don't expect a woman to be doing that on a daily basis.  It is absolutely normal (these days) for me to meet a woman and she: (a) doesn't know how to cook (b) hates cooking (c) will not cook!  I'm sure some women of mother's generation and my grandmothers generation disliked cooking, too.  But they did it because it was basically their duty to do so.
     Who remembers the song Papa Was A Rolling Stone?  That song was true and came from a real place.  Many women have had to deal with philandering husbands fooling around with various other women.  In a lot of cases, many women knew about their husbands wayward ways, but chose to turn a blind eye--at least for the sake of public perception.  I would say that this was mostly the case for women of my grandmothers generation.  So, once again, you have women that have observed women that they love go through this and vow to themselves that they will not be THAT woman.
     They say that women want a man just like their own father.  When many women think of their fathers, they think of a man who is a great provider, a great dad, awesome husband to her mother, a gentleman in its purest form--she sees her hero.  Many women claim to not see those qualities in men these days.  Black men to be more precise.  Therefore, they feel many aren't worth marrying.  I can't say that I don't disagree with them and their assessment.  But I do know that there are plenty good men out there that's worth marrying and having a family with.
     I haven't forgotten about the males point of view.  Believe it or not, black men want to get married, but many have their apprehensions just like black women have their apprehensions.  Many feel that black men do not want to get married, and would rather just live life as single men.  Not true.  Are there men that do not want to get married?  Of course!  But the same can be said about women, too.
     When it comes to the relationships between black men and women, there is a gap of discontentment that must be bridged.  In this new age of the independent woman, many black men have yet to figure out how to deal with that woman.  I believe it's all in the communication between the two.  Many men cannot deal with a woman that constantly reminds him that he can be replaced at a moments notice.  Not to say that all independent women are that way--many are, though.  Many men also don't know how to deal with a woman that constantly reminds him that, in the big scheme of things, she doesn't really need him.  A lot of women have been hardened over the years due to past relationships, or by witnessing other women go through bad relationships.
     Men are the same as women when it comes to envisioning a wife.  Most men would love their wives to closely resemble their own mothers.  Not in the physical sense, of course.  But when men think of their mothers, they think of a woman that took care of the family.  They think of that loving woman that carried herself with grace and respect.  We think of that woman that loved/loves our father unconditionally.  She may not like him at times--but she loves him to the death of her!  Many men feel that there are a shortage of women with these qualities.  Do I believe this to be true?  Yes and no.  There are some women out there who have absolutely no clue as to what it is to be a wife, or how to conduct theirselves in a wifely manner.  But many claim to be "wifey" material.  I can't stand that term, by the way.  With that said--there are plenty women out there with great qualities as a woman and as a wife.
     Truth be told, everyone is dealing with divorce issues.  Blacks, latinos, whites--people in general.  I did research and found that blacks are at the top of that list, though.  And just from my experience and talking to people, I find that many within the black community are scared of marriage.  I also find that this generation is not as willing to work for a lot things--marriage included.  When I got married, one of my aunts told me that marriage takes work everyday.  Both parties must be willing to work together.  It will never work when one half of the team is doing the heavy lifting.  Today when some couples encounter trouble, one, or both are ready to tuck tail and run.  Granted, some problems within some marriages are irreversible, or non-fixable.  I would never encourage anyone to stay in a bad situation or sacrifice their happiness.  I would just like to see our people work to stay together and create sound, healthy, happy families.